Things That Grind My Gears

September 1, 2010

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Dog Poop

There’s a “lady” in my neighborhood who takes her dog for walks.  This is hardly unusual – there are a number of folks in the neighborhood with dogs.  This person stands out because of her unwillingness to clean up after her dog.  I’ve spotted the dastardly duo on neighbors’ lawns a number of times, but never in time to pop my head out of the door to remind her of her duty.  On occasions, there have been droppings on my own lawn, and while I don’t have concrete evidence to prove who the poopetrator is, I have a very good idea.

I’m not a “dog person”, but I have nothing against dogs.  What I do dislike is having dog poop on my lawn.  If I wanted dog poop on my lawn, I’d have a dog.  If you’re going to have a dog, you need to be accountable and clean up after your dog.  Even if this isn’t against the law in your town, this is just basic common courtesy to your neighbors.  Don’t be surprised if you gain a very negative reputation and that your neighbors become hesitant to pitch in when you need help with anything.  You show a complete lack of respect for their property – why should they lift a finger for you?

Bristol Palin

When the next season of Dancing With the Stars kicks off, the dace floor will feature luminaries such as Kurt Warner, Florence Henderson, and Bristol Palin.  For the last couple of years, we have been privy to the love/hate relationship between Bristol and Levi, with occasional commentary from Bristol’s mom.  Allegations have been made that Levi was trying to extend his 15 minutes of fame and would do anything to stay in the spotlight.

That might be the case, but Bristol is hardly staying in the shadows.  For a few months, she was working as a receptionist at a dermatologist’s office.  More recently, she has found more profitable work.  She travels around the country promoting abstinence.  There’s certainly nothing wrong with spreading that message.  The $15,000 – $30,000 fee she receives for each speaking engagements also helps build a college fund for Trigg.  Bristol also appeared on an episode of The Secret Life of The American Teenager.  Now, Dancing With the Stars.  What next – a regular gig on The View?  Is this a family trying to lead, or a family trying to achieve fame?  I was recently discussing Sarah Palin with a staunchly conservative friend of mine who commented “she’s not the leader of MY party.”

Privatizing Social Security

The last item might lead you to believe that I’m a hard core Democrat, but this isn’t the case.  I do lean left on quite a few issues, but I’m an unaffiliated voter who also agrees with Republicans on a lot of issues.  One of these issues is privatization of Social Security.  When Bush proposed this, I aligned myself with him and supported the idea – at least at a high level.

Those who oppose privatization – including lobbyists such as AARP – point to downturns in the market and suggest that those nearing retirement age could have lost substantial portions of their nest egg if they had invested in the market.  This is true – but it’s worth noting that you don’t need to invest in stocks to beat the return of Social Security.  Take a look at the rates of return for Social Security, according to a document on SSA’s web site.  The important table is table 1 (the second table in the document).  If you’re younger married couple at the medium earning level, you’re looking at a rate of return around 2.5%.  In comparison, 30 year treasuries are currently yielding upwards of 3.5%.  Is Social Security safer than treasuries?  Of course not –  both are backed by the US Government.  Essentially, the risk is the same.

NCAA Tackles Jeremiah Masoli On End Around

This one falls into the category of things that no longer grind my gears.  After being kicked off the Oregon football team for off-field transgressions, star quarterback Jeremiah Masoli transferred to Mississippi.  Generally, players who transfer must sit on year before they are allowed to play again (the year off doesn’t count against their eligibility). 

There is an exception that allows (but does not force) the NCAA to grant a waiver (making the player immediately eligible) if the player has completed his undergraduate degree and enrolls at another school in order to pursue a graduate degree in a major not offered by his old school.  This was the case with Masoli.  He is enrolled in the Parks and Recreation graduate program at Ole Miss – a degree not offered by Oregon.

Yesterday, the NCAA denied Masoli’s request for a waiver, saying that this type of waiver is intended to avoid hampering a student-athlete’s academic pursuits, rather than a way to avoid a punishment levied by his old school.  Good call, NCAA.

The Pirates Love Their Fans – And Wrigley Field

August 28, 2010

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It’s late August, and the Pittsburgh Pirates have clinched another losing season – the 18th year in a row that they’ll wind up with more losses than wins.  At the time that I’m writing this, their record stands at 43-89, and they are strong contenders to be awarded the top pick in the 2011 draft (given to the team with the worst overall record).  The Pirates are a team with a rich history – Honus Wagner, Roberto Clemente, Willie Stargell – and it saddens me to see them turn into a mere shell of a baseball team.  The Pirates have gone the direction of putting the cheapest possible team on the field, trading away any player with even a modicum of talent.  This strategy has yielded the expected results.

If you dig down a bit, things start to get a bit more interesting.  The Pirates are 46 games below .500 for the season, but their home record is a relatively respectable 30-36.  That’s not great, but it’s not awful, either.  While most teams play a bit better at home, the home/road differential of the Pirates is quite astounding.  In contrast to their respectable home record, their road record is just 13-48 – a winning percentage that is just above 20%.  This year’s record is an exaggeration of the trend in recent years – the Pirates have largely tread water at home and gotten killed on the road.

The Pirates have an overall winning record against just 4 teams this year.  They are 4-3 against my Rockies, 4-2 against the Phillies, and 2-1 against the Indians.  The fourth team against which the Pirates have a winning record are the division rival Chicago Cubs.  The Pirates have gone 9-3 against the Cubs, given up just 31 runs in those 12 games – an average of just 2.58 runs per game.

I know quite a few Cubs fans, and this is a source of great embarrassment for them.  The Cubs are having a very disappointing year overall, but nobody should lose 75% of their games to the Pirates.  Not only have the Pirates had great success against the Cubs at home, they have also had their number within the friendly confines of Wrigley Field – holding a 4-2 record in Chicago’s home park.  The Pirates set their road-high of 10 runs scored against the Cubs, and also recorded one of their two road shutouts against Chicago. 

To put this in perspective, let’s take a closer look at the rest of the Pirates road wins.  They have two wins against the Rockies, two against the Brewers, and single wins against the Diamondbacks, Reds, Dodgers, Phillies, and Giants.  That’s it.  If you disregard the games against the Cubs, the Pirates are just 9-46 on the road – a winning percentage of just 16.4%.  Their wins against the Cubs account for fully 30% of their road wins.

When the Nationals decided to call up Stephen Strasburg, his first game was “coincidentally” against the Pirates.  Or, more likely, an astute baseball move to boost the confidence of Strasburg with an easy win.  After all, even the lowly Nationals were strong favorites to win at home against the Pirates.

I look forward to the day when the Pirates franchise once again becomes relevant, rather than a laughingstock.  I’m not a fan of the team, but their current state is bad for baseball.  In the meanwhile, I urge you to go to the ballpark the next time your team faces the Pirates.  There’s an 84% chance your team will win – unless your team is the Cubs.

Juice

August 27, 2010

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Editor’s note: my friend Lazy Man’s ongoing battles with MonaVie distributors was the inspiration for this story.  However, the companies, products, and people in this story are all fictional.  Keep fighting the good fight, Lazy!

Marco Pariso took a gulp of juice and settled into his rather uncomfortable chair in front of his rather ugly desk. The chair, the desk, and even the juice were absurdly expensive – pretentious products marketed to those with more money than sense.

Marco was faced with a serious problem. After several years of strong revenue growth, his company was facing a sharp decline. In this economy, fewer people were wanting to shell out $18 for a bottle of juice – even juice as fruitfully delicious as Panacea.

Even Marco was not immune from the downturn. This week, he had been forced to downgrade hair stylists to a bum who charged only $200. As he ran his fingers through his hair, he could feel the cheapness of the cut – how his hair longed for Rafael’s artistry.

Marco had decided to forestall the declining sales by ramping up marketing efforts. Panacea had always been marketed as having “more vitamins than you can find in nature.” Now the juice was being promoted as fighting swine flu, cancer, polio, and even AIDS.

Marco knew better than to have the company make official claims regarding these alleged health benefits. He had engaged the top distributors and suggested they start spreading the word unofficially by sending the information down the pyramid. Before long, thousands of Panacea distributors were claiming that the product could cure nearly every disease known to man. Because Marco had been smart enough to avoid putting these claims in black and white, he was confident that he would be able to keep the FDA at bay.

Sales had picked up for a while. Then those nosy internet bloggers began to take aim at Panacea. They claimed that Marco’s company was spreading lies about the health benefits of the drink. Marco had initially ignored the bloggers – merely annoying little gnats. Before long, he realized that some of these clowns had thousands of people reading their tripe every day. People were actually taking them seriously. When Marco looked at the sales figures, he could see a small, by noticeable drop in sales.

Marco decided to pick on the top blogger, Caped Crusader, in hopes that once the Crusader had been squashed, the rest of the bloggers would fall like dominos. Marco had his people publish fake studies all over the internet and had dozens of Panaceas distributors go to Caped Crusaders site and quote these fictional studies as the basis for Panacea’s health claims.

Crusader was a bit more clever than he had expected. He posted details about the visitors in order to show that all of the negative comments were coming from just a handful of geographical locations. He then went even a step further, showing that the sites which presented the studies had all been created in the same week and were all registered to the same organization.

Marco had been foiled again. Marco did not enjoy being foiled, and he began to plan his next move. Caped Crusader must be stopped – but how? Physical violence was distasteful to Marco, and so he pondered the ways that he could tie up Caped Crusader in court. A libel suit, for sure – and perhaps copyright infringement. He laughed as he made a mental note for his legal team to send out a cease and desist letter in the morning. That would scare the little shit. Crusader was probably some wimpy teenager living in his mom’s basement.

Out of the corner of his eye, Marco noticed a light in the distance. Within a few minutes, the light got much brighter. He went to the window and peered out. What he saw shook Marco to his core. The villagers were marching upon his mansion. The torches shed enough light that he could make out the faces of some of his former customers – and he noticed that they were carrying pitchforks.

Where’s Kosmo?

August 26, 2010

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I know what you’re thinking.  “Where can I find more stuff by Kosmo?”  I’ve caught myself asking the same question.

As it turns out, I’ve actually been featured as a guest writer on quite a few other sites.  Here’s a comprehensive list.  

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

40Tech (Technology, allegedly for the 40+ crowd, but relevant to anyone)

Lazy Man and Money (Personal finance)

Life, Laughs, and Lemmings (Triumph of the spirit – currently on hiatus)

  • Write On (My struggle to keep my focus on writing)

Living With Balls (Sports, and, well, yeah, double entendre is intentional)

Man vs. Debt

ProBlogger (For the professional blogger)

The Centsible Life (Personal finance)

The Digerati Life (Personal finance)

Fun stuff:

I also do freelance articles for Digerati Life on more mainsteam topics.  Pop over the the site and check it out.

 

World’s Strongest Librarian (Hard to categorize)

Forget Gold – Invest in Blago!

August 23, 2010

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Editorial notes: I hope that you read everything in The Soap Boxers, but if you are only interested in politics or fiction, we’re now providing RSS feeds of just those categories.  You can choose to receive just the articles from The Political Observers (Squeaky, Zarberg, The Crunchy Conservative, and The Angry Squirrel) or just the original fiction that appears in Fiction Friday.  Go to the Subscribe page for more details. 

I’ve tweaked the looked and feel of the site a bit.  The author pages, search results page, and a few other pages have been modified so that they look more like the main page.  Previously, they just displayed rather plain-looking excerpts.  I finally found the nefarious code that was interfering with my HTML tables.  Consequently, the tables will now have some padding around the text.  Hooray!

And now on to today’s article …

Rod Blagojevich, former Illinois Governor and reality television star, as well as recently minted convicted felon, was a star attraction at the Wizard World Chicago Comic Con over the weekend.  In what I can only describe as “the investment opportunity of the century”, attendees could get Blago’s autograph for a mere $50 and could pose with the former governor for just $80.  The smart investor knows that the window of opportunity for these investments is quickly closing – especially for the photos.  Before long, it’s going to be difficult to pose for a photo with Blago without making a trip to a prison.  By the end of the year, I expect these autographs to be selling for … well, whatever the going rate is for kindling in December.

I can understand that Blago had his fans when running for governor, and that many of his backers wouldn’t immediately desert him when allegations started unfolding.  However, we have clearly reached the point where it would be prudent to jump ship.  In this country, everyone is innocent until proven guilty.  However, the evidence really does seem to be stacked against Blago.  I could understand people proclaiming his innocence if the case rested merely on testimony from witnesses – witnesses have been known to lie on occasion.  That’s not the situation, though.  The prosecution has audio tapes of Blago plotting his various schemes.  It seems rather unlikely that he’s a victim in this case.

I collect sports memorabilia, so it would be hypocritical for me to criticize someone for paying for an autograph of a politician.  If politics is your thing, go crazy and buy some autographs … but perhaps you’d want to set the bar a bit higher?  You could probably get the autograph of a non-felon governor for less.  Seriously, look at this from an analytical perspective – do you really think your autograph will be worth more than $50 in ten, twenty, or thirty years?

The ego of Blago never fails to astound me.  Certainly every successful politician has a relatively large ego.  Even the most humble governor still feels that they are the best person to govern an entire state.  Blago takes this to another level entirely.  While many in his situation would hunker down with lawyers to plot a strategy, Blago has been making every effort to ensure that his name stays in the limelight.  He has been on two reality shows and has made the rounds with talk show hosts, including Oprah Winfrey.  Now, this latest appearance, in an obvious money grab?  Whenever I think that my opinion of Blago has reached an all-time low, he grabs a shovel and keep digging.  Bear in mind that I’m not a Republican bashing a Democrat.  I’m a somewhat left-leaning unaffiliated voter bashing a buffoon.  Neither party holds a monopoly on idiocy – there seems to be plenty to go around.

On the positive side, this sort of behavior surely won’t help him when a judge decides his sentence.  I expect a conviction when Blago is re-tried.  Hopefully this means that he’ll be behind bars – and out of the limelight – for a long time.

Am I having A Literary Mid-Life Crisis?

August 21, 2010

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Note to my RSS and email subscribers: an unfinished version of this slipped out a few days ago, so this is going to appear to be a duplicate article. My apologies.

In recent months, I am often having urges to re-read books that I read long ago – or pick up a copy of a contemporary classic that I’ve missed along the way. So I’m taking a short break from my typical diet of mystery novels to indulge myself a bit. Here are some of the books I will be reading.

To Kill a Mockingbird – I don’t remember exactly when or why I first read Harper Lee’s classic, but Mockingbird is probably the first book I read that had a substantial impact on my life. The message of tolerance and to avoid judgment without the facts really hit home – and I hope has formed a foundation for my life. At some point, I know that I had two copies of the book, but I managed to lose them over the years. I have a tendency to lend books pretty freely, and it’s likely that the copies are in someone else’s collection now (hey, whoever has them – enjoy!). I recently bought a hardcover copy of the 50th anniversary edition and am reading it now for the first time in nearly 20 years.

Catcher in the Rye – I have never read J.D. Salinger’s classic.  In fact, if it wasn’t for the connection to the movie Field of Dreams (in the book, the angry 60’s author is Salinger) I probably wouldn’t have picked up a copy.  But now that I have a copy, I should really give it a read, especially with the passing of Salinger to that great rye field in the sky.

The Day of the Jackal – This book probably wouldn’t make most people’s list of classic, but it was one of my earliest introductions to suspense novels.  The protagonist in the novel takes the job of assassinating French leader Charles DeGaulle.  I originally read this in a Reader’s Digest condensed collection, and I wonder what I missed by reading the abridged edition.  I recently snagged a copy for six bucks at Barnes & Noble and it’s on my must-read list.

Fahrenheit 451 – Until recently, I really wasn’t very familiar with the subject of this book.  I picked up an audio version at the library and really liked it.  The main character in the story is a professional book burner – it now illegal to possess books.  His wife lives in a fantasy world surrounded by electronic screens that immerse a person in the lives of soap opera-like dramas.  Abandoning the learning opportunities of books in favor of the cheap thrills of reality TV?  That could NEVER happen …

The Thirteenth Trick – Another gem that I first read in a Reader’s Digest condensed volume.  The novel is based in England and features a paraplegic archer who trades barbs with a detective investigating the murders of several young women.  I’m betting that the abridgement left out a lot of the story.  This is by far the least famous book I’m going to mention in this article – but it’s a very entertaining read.

The Fountainhead – I have been reading this book since 1992 – at a glacial pace.  Time to jump back into the life and times of Howard Roark again.  When I finish, I can grab Atlas Shrugged.  I’ve been waiting to finish Fountainhead before starting Atlas.  These books explain Ayn Rand’s philosophy of objectivism and are pretty heavy reading – but I hate to stop reading a book halfway through.  (I haven’t stopped, I’m just enjoying an intermission.)  Note – I’m not attempting to promote objectivisim, I’m simply trying to finish reading the books …

War and Peace – Maybe.  I probably won’t get to it in this cycle of reading (and probably won’t finish the Ayn Rand novels either), but I’ll put it on my to-do list.  I tend to like novels that teach me some history, and I suspect that I would learn an awful lot about Russian history by reading War and Peace.

I have most of these books, but will need to pick up copies of Fahrenheit 451 and War And Peace at some point.  I’m thinking of setting up reading cycles for my lifetime, with goals of reading certain books at age 35 (now), another set of books at age 40, etc.

If you are interested in buying any of these books, I have provided links below.  Yes, I’ll make a small commission if you buy one of the books (this does not increase the price you pay).

So, what are YOU reading these days?


To Kill a Mockingbird

Catcher in the Rye

The Day of the Jackal

Fahrenheit 451

The Thirteenth Trick

The Fountainhead / Atlas Shrugged
(Boxed set)

War and Peace

Legacy

August 20, 2010

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After thirty years on the job, Ronald Jensen was stepping down as the head sommelier at Greenwich Gardens.  The Gardens, as the restaurant was widely known, was a favorite hot spot of the upper class.  A hamburger, if someone would even consider ordering something so common, would cost about as much as a working person’s weekly grocery bill.

For decades, Ronald had been serving wine to the elite snobs who frequented the place.  Most of the time, he ended up giving recommendations to the clueless nouveau riche.  Many of these clowns didn’t even know whether to order red or white wine with a meal.  Ronald was paid a livable wage for his work, and the tips allowed him to indulge a few of his hobbies and build a nest egg for retirement.

Ronald knew that he was luckier than some of the other employees at Greenwich Gardens.  While he was treated as a second class citizen by the wealthy patrons, most of the other staff was treated like dirt, as if they weren’t even human.  This had been the sad reality when the classes were forced together within the confines of the restaurant.  The working class served the rich, and the rich looked down their noses at the workers.

Ronald thought ahead, to his life after retirement.  He was moving away from the city, back near his old home town.  He had bought a modest cabin near the lake and would spend his golden years carving duck decoys and catching up on his reading.  He wouldn’t live an extravagant life, but he’d get by.

He heard laughter coming from a table near the back and glanced at the group.  They were kids in their 20s who had never worked a day in their life, and never would.  Trust fund kids with millions in the bank and nothing in their heads.  They spent their days dining on lobster and foie gras and enjoying the best wines in the world.  They had done nothing to earn their station in life.  There was truly no justice in this world.

Ronald smiled at that thought that justice would eventually be served.  Those who live by the sword, die by the sword.  Likewise, those who cruise through life eating, drinking, and being merry would also have these vices become their downfall.  The wine cellar at Greenwich Gardens had also been home to some of the most valuable and rare vintages of wine.  Indeed, a few dozen of the bottles currently in the cellar were very special indeed.

Ronald knew that it would be at least a year or so before the first of the special bottles was uncorked.  He wondered how many patrons would die before anyone thought to look at Greenwich Gardens as a source of the poison.  While the poison was quite lethal, it was also slow acting.  It could take a few days before the victims felt any symptoms.  With any luck, Ronald’s special vintage would continue to kill people quietly.  Just one victim every year or so, stretching out his silent legacy for decades.

How To Pull Off A Practical Joke

August 18, 2010

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Around the office, I’m know as a guy who generally has a smile on his face, but am not widely regarded as a practical joker.  This made the setup for this practical joke even better.  I have been a remote worker for several years, with most of my team at another location out of state (where I previously worked).  This out-of-sight, out-of-mind aspect also aided in my escapade.

The whole thing started when I heard about a co-worker get a bit agitated when someone accused him of being a graduate of the University of Colorado.  He is actually a proud graduate of Colorado STATE University.  This is a completely separate – and in his eyes, superior – institution of higher learning.

Shortly after Christmas one year, I spotted a University of Colorado window sticker on sale for 99 cents.  I sent it to an accomplice that placed it on his desk.  Shortly afterward, I bought a small toy buffalo and had the accomplice place this on the victim’s desk when he was away.  Ralphie the Buffalo is the mascot for the University of Colorado (which, again, is NOT this person’s alma mater).

At this point, I had the idea the next phase of the practical joke.  I would have Ralphie the Buffalo’s girlfriends send him notes from all around the country.

I asked a friend of mine in Colorado to pick up some buffalo themed postcards.  She wasn’t able to find any, but provided something even better – she took some nice photos at a buffalo ranch.  She also wrangled up some card stock which allowed me to insert photos and create an instant buffalo-themed greeting card.  At this point, I’ll admit to a bit of deception.  I needed to tread lightly in case she was also a CSU grad (and thus might not be very amused by this) and was vague about the reason why I needed buffalo post cards.

Once I had the cards in hand, I needed to line up writers.  I lined up a few women in the office in order to give the writing a nice feminine look (my own handwriting is nearly illegible).  Many loving notes were written to Ralphie.  Cards that featured photos of baby buffalo made mention of children missing their daddy.  Other photos were included for comic relief – such as ones with photos that included large mounds of buffalo poop.

So now I had the stockpile of cards.  I couldn’t simply send them from the post office.  The postmark would point the finger at me.  I happened to be in a simulation baseball league (the best league ever) with 32 people spread out across the US and Canada.  I enlisted the aid of many of these individuals.  Some of them were even kind enough to take drop off cards while they were on overseas trips.  I engaged the service of a few other friends in remote locations as well.  Over the span of several months, the cards slowly drifted in, with nothing to point back to me as the culprit.

Finally, at long last, I admitted that I was responsible for this lengthy, well-coordinated prank 🙂  If my memory is correct, this would have been about 15 months after the start of the activities.  Suffice it to say that patience was a key skill in pulling this off.

K-Rod, Bryce Harper, and Kyle Parker

August 17, 2010

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Things went from bad to worse for Mets closer Francisco (K-Rod) Rodriguez.  Last Wednesday night, he got into a fight with his girlfriend’s father at the Mets’ ballpark after a game with the Rockies.  K-Rod was arrested and charged with assault and harassment.  It turns out that Rodriguez also tore a thumb ligament in his pitching hand.  Apparently, he didn’t follow the advice of Crash Davis to never punch someone with your pitching hand.  Rumors are swirling that the Mets are considering voiding his contract.  K-Rod was scheduled to earn $11.5 million in 2011 and has a vesting option of $17.5 million for 2012, with a $3.5 million buyout.  It is very unlikely that the vesting option will vest now.

Voiding the contract is easier said than done, though.  If the Mets void his contract, the MLB Players Association could file a grievance on behalf of Rodriguez.  Back in 2004, the Rockies terminated the contract of pitcher Denny Neagle on grounds that he violated the morals clause of the contract.  Neagle had been charged with soliciting a prostitute.  Neagle was pulled over for speeding and a cop got a little curious about why his pants were undone.  Neagle’s companion told the cop exactly why his pants were down, and exactly how much it had cost ($40).  Neagle filed a grievance and ended up reaching a settlement roughly equivalent to the amount remaining on his contract.  If the Rockies couldn’t win a grievance against Neagle, the Mets probably won’t win one against K-Rod.

Yesterday was the signing deadline for most Major League draftees.  The exceptions are college seniors and those playing in independent leagues.  The top pick, 17 year old Bryce Harper, signed a deal with guarantees him $9.9 million.  This is quite a bit less than the $15 million Stephen Strasburg got last year, but it’s also likely that Harper will need at least a few years of minor league ball before making the jump to the majors, whereas Strasburg made a near-immediate jump to the Nationals.  Thus, the Nationals will be getting minimal major league production from the signing bonus. 

Notable players who did not sign were Barrett Loux (#6, Arizona),  Karsten Whitson (#9, San Diego), and Dylan Covey (#14, Milwaukee).  Loux is a college junior who will be draft eligible again next year.  Whitson and Covey are high school kids who will be eligible again after their junior year of college (assuming that they don’t transfer to a JUCO at some point to accelerate their draft eligibility).  The three affected teams will receive a pick in the 2011 that is one slot below their pick in the 2010 pick (but if they fail to sign the player taken with the compensatory pick).  Considering that the 2011 draft is considered to be a very deep draft, the Diamondbacks, Padres, and Brewers probably aren’t shedding a lot of tears.

The Rockies signed their first round pick, Clemson quarterback Kyle Parker.  Parker was a junior in baseball eligibility, but a was freshman in football eligibility last fall.  You’re probably wondering how this is possible – I certainly was intrigued.  Parker graduated a semester early from high school and played baseball as a freshman in the Spring of 2008.  He then redshirted in football in the fall.  He was a baseball sophomore in spring 2009 and a football redshirt freshman in the fall.  He was a junior in baseball this spring and will be a football sophomore in the fall.  Parker signed a $1.4 million deal with the Rockies, but the team is allowing him to continue his football career.  This is somewhat unusual, but not exactly rare.

I don’t typically follow SEC football, but I’ll definitely be taking an interest in the health of the Clemson offensive line.  Keep the defense away from the QB, guys.

What Kind Of Sh*t Are You Into?

August 15, 2010

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A while ago, I was discussing my short story One Man’s Dream with Bob Inferapels.  I made the comment that the dream-within-a-dream-within-a-dream concept was inspired by a quote from Chinese philosopher Zhuangzi (Chuang Zu).  A short, loose translation of the quote is this: “Last night I dreamed I was a butterfly.  Now I do not know if I am a man who dreams he is a butterfly or a butterfly who dreams he is a man.

Understandably, Bob’s response to this was “What kind of sh*t are you into?”  And buried behind that question was the unspoken one – “… and how did a farm kid from Iowa get to the point where he is pondering quotes from Chinese philosophers?

I’m actually not a student of philosophy, per se.  I own hundreds of books, including substantial collections of crime and baseball related volumes, but just a single philosophy book.  That sole book is Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, which I finally purchased after seeing it mentioned in a sports article for the millionth time.

While I don’t necessarily study philosophy, I do stop to ponder interesting quotes that present themselves to me.  In the case of  Zhuangzi, I wonder what exactly is “reality.”  Our perception of reality is based largely on our memories and the accounts given to us by others – but how accurate are these accounts?  We see cases where people repress memories and other situations where stimuli can cause people to create completely false memories.  And how much does our own personal lens distort our view of everyday events?  What, exactly, makes an event a piece of genuine reality?

Another of my favorites is from Nietzsche’s The Abyss – “He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.”  This quote is actually the inspiration for the title of FBI profiler Robert K Ressler’s book Whoever Fights Monsters.  In Ressler’s situation, he was dealing with many serial killers who were the embodiment or pure evil.  If was important for those who tracked the killers to not be consumed by the evil themselves.

Most of us, of course, will never have the opportunity to track down serial killers.  Most of us will, however, encounter people who engage in the spreading of hatred in its many forms.  If you hate those that spread the hatred, you are yourself adding to the hatred in the world.  In other words, my advice is to hate the bigotry, not the bigot – as difficult as this may be in many cases.

One of my very favorite quotes lacks the deepness of the others –  “Luck is the residue of design.”  It is commonly attributed to baseball pioneer Branch Rickey, but actually originated from writer John Milton.  Rickey, not surprisingly, recognized a great quote when he saw one, and started using it.  The gist of this quote is easy to determine – “good luck” doesn’t happen randomly, but is often a results of years of preparation.  In other words, many cases of “overnight success” were really due to a decade of hard work.

The next time you see a quote – be it in a book, magazine article, or even someone’s email signature – stop to consider it.  That doesn’t necessarily mean to blindly follow what the quote espouses, of course.  In the words of Aristotle,  “It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

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