The SoapBoxers

Election Day Reactions

November 3, 2010

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Note: this is a fictionalized account of a meeting that never occurred.  While each of The Political Observers gave some input, any accusations that their words were used out of context are most likely true.

Kosmo: Friends, Romans, countrymen … I welcome you  to the opulent Castel Kosmo.  I am gathered here tonight with The Crunchy Conservative, Zarberg, The Angry Squirrel, and Squeaky.  We are discussing the aftermath of the 2010 midterm elections, in which the Republicans gained controlled of the House in dominating fashion, while the Democrats saw their majority in the Senate reduced to perhaps a 51-49 majority.

We see Zarberg begin to unwrap a candy bar, whereupon Crunchy deftly snags it from his grasp.  Zarberg quickly grabs it back.

Zarberg: Hey, nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger.

Crunchy: Ok, whatever.  Enjoy your stupid candy bar.  At least I can bask in the joy of a conservative wave election.  Cheers, gang.

Crunchy holds up a wine glass filled with the cheap swill Kosmo can afford on his blogger’s salary.  Zarberg mutters under his breath, Squirrel throws a cashew at her, and Squeaky cracks open a bottle of New Belgium microbrew (which he brought in a cooler, being wisely untrusting of Kosmo’s choice of beverages) and returns Crunchy’s toast.

Kosmo: OK, the polls are now closed in all states except for Alaska and Hawaii, and we have a lot of things to digest.  Which decision made you happiest about the elections?

Squirrel: Well, as a progressive, I really wasn’t very pleased with much of anything during this election.  I guess perhaps the high point was Chris Coons defeating Tea Party darling Christine O’Donnell in the Delaware senate race.  There was some chatter about a Monmouth University poll released late last week that showed her cutting Coons’ lead in half – but it should have been apparent to everyone that this was just a Halloween-related surge, since Christine O’Donnell is a witch.  Witches are popular around Halloween.

Crunchy: It was a great night for me, personally.  The Republicans took control of the House, Senator Grassley was elected to another term, and Governor Branstad resumes control after a (relatively) short absence.  Wonderful to see that women are voting Republican.

Squeaky: As someone who is against medical marijuana, it was good to see the sometimes irrational voters in California send prop 19 (which would have legalized marijuana within the state, even for non-medicinal uses) down to defeat.

Zarberg: Oh, yeah.  Marijuana is so evil.  Have you read the recent British study that concluded that alcohol and tobacco are more harmful than marijuana?

Kosmo: Hey, guys, tone it down.  This is a family-friendly show.  Let’s move on.  What were some things that disappointed or surprised you the most?

Zarberg: Well, most of the evening was a disappointment.  I think we’re looking forward to at least two years of gridlock.  The country is going to struggle to return to prosperity until your average Joe has a few bucks in his pocket – tax cuts for corporations are not going to stimulate demand for their products.  On a personal note, perhaps the most disturbing thing was being approached by people with partisan pamphlets on Tuesday – three times.  I was tempted to see if they were within 500 feet of a polling place.  On election day, everyone can make informed decisions – the propaganda machine can shut down for a day.

Crunchy: While not a surprise, the O’Donnell loss in Delaware was a disappointment.  She is not, I repeat, NOT, a witch.  Harry Reid hanging on to his seat?  Seriously, what are you people in Nevada thinking?

Squirrel: Rand Paul winning in Kentucky.  Not a huge surprise, but still a disappointment.  He has said that he won’t add a cent to the debt – let’s start keeping a running count of earmarks for Kentucky.

Squeaky: Probably the biggest disappointment was Kosmo’s liquor cabinet.  What is this, store brand scotch?  As Crunchy mentioned, there really wasn’t a whole lot to be disappointed with – unless Senator Michael Bennet is able to withstand the challenge from Ken Buck in my home state of Colorado.  I’m confident that Buck will prevail when the dust clears, though.

There we have it, folks – our 2010 election reactions.  Come back for more post-election chatter in 2012.

The Political Observers
2010 Election