The SoapBoxers

No picks this week as I want to go around the world of college football.

Coaching changes – Adios Dan Hawkins in Colorado. I guess we all figured out now who the real brains behind the Boise State empire was when you were still coaching there.  Too bad the Buffs athletic department did not figure that out sooner.  The last straw was the 35 point meltdown to the Kansas Jayhawks who rallied from that huge deficit for the 2^nd largest comeback win in NCAA history.

Cam Newton – This gets better every day.  First the $200,000 allegation.  Then the cheating allegation.  Now this morning the money allegation again.  Why does this type of thing always seem to pop up in the SEC?  Are their fans just so rabid that they have spies everywhere on everyone else’s campuses to get an edge when their team is down and some other team is up?  I call it the SEConspiracy theory.  What I still don’t get is how he goes from Florida to a Juco, before coming back.  I mean would sitting out a year somewhere have really been any worse … or … did he really need some academic help meaning the allegations of cheating at Florida could be true? Hmmmmmmmm.  Can’t wait to see what unfolds as this week progresses as news seems to come out daily on the current Heisman Trophy Front Runner.

Heisman – First it was all Denard Robinson’s to lose.  Now it might be Cam Newton beating various raps to keep the hardware.  Of course an Iron Bowl spoiler courtesy of the Tide could change a lot of voters minds in November.  Kind of reminds me of the year Deshaun Foster was running away with it and then got in trouble and suspended … along with his Heisman hopes.  This could be the year of the last man standing wins.

Big XII – The might South Division is struggling.  Bad losses last week by Oklahoma and Texas, well, I have thrown them under the bus for weeks now, more on that later.  Oklahoma State looks to be in control in the South, who the heck would have predicted that to start the year.  Also thanks to the Missouri Tigers who once again show they have no coaching, abandon the running game and get throttled in the last three quarters for a horrible loss at Texas Tech. Merry Christmas Nebraska, you just won the North.

Texas – I have been piling on for weeks, it will get worse.  Does anyone think they are going to stop Oklahoma State this week?  Texas is in SERIOUS jeopardy of not being bowl eligible.  From BCS title game to not even making the Motor City Bowl.  Wow it must really be bad to be a Longhorn fan this year.

Oregon – These guys are Playstation 3 football.  Can anyone hold them under 50 points?  Does anyone want to play them at all?  The weird thing is when you watch them play they really don’t look that good, they just score fast, play fast and wear other teams out.  Wonder when someone figures out how to stop that from happening.

TCU to the Big East – Horned Frog Officials are indicating they want the all or nothing package.  They are not just going to jump ship for football, where they would roll, but they want the mighty basketball program to travel thousands of miles each week to get their butts kicked in the biggest thug ball conference in America.  Good for you for standing up to your beliefs.

This is one of the worst weekends for college football this year.  Due to many traditionally good teams struggling there are not a lot of meaningful games this week.  I will be back next week with picks, but if you want a short list…..Take Oregon, Nebraska, Oklahoma State, Iowa State and until next week, good luck!

[Note: this is intended to be a humorous parody of the relatively short delay in declaring a winner in the Oregon senate race. It is not intended to be an accurate representation of the state’s election process.]

As we trot toward the festivities of Thanksgiving, the diligent election workers in the state of Oregon continue their thankless job of counting the votes. We expect a winner to be declared in the senate race any day now.

TCO caught up with Joe Saycanusi of the Oregon Secretary of State’s office.

TCO: Joe – Do you mind if I call you Joe? It is now 2 weeks past election day and we’re still waiting for a winner in the Merkley/Smith Senate race. What, exactly, is causing the delay?

JS: Well, TCO, we are experiencing multiple issues. As you know, all voting in Oregon is done through the mail. This year, we have had a bit of a West Nile epidemic, and this has really put a strain on the herd.

TCO: Er, what’s that? Do you mean that the mail in Oregon is actually delivered via pony express?

JS: Of course. What else would we use? Oxen are strong, but they’re pretty slow. We had a second health issue as well – several of the horses came down with constipation. Believe me, when a horse is waiting to take a crap, you’re just going to have to wait it out. Really, I don’t see what the big fuss is all about. The new congress doesn’t start work for a while yet. As long as we’ve declared a winner by then, everything is cool.

TCO: Well, Joe, that’s very fascinating. Thank you for enlightening us.

TCO: We were also cable to catch up with a precinct captain in Multnomah County. We are pleased to speak to John Morgan.

TCO: Captain Morgan – how are you feeling this morning?

CM: Aye, a bit hung over, to be honest. We’ve been doing this bloody counting for umpteen days now. It’s enough to drive you a bit mad after a while, so I went on a bit of a bender last night.

TCO: I believe that you had a bit of a problem with some votes in one of your precincts. Can you explain what happened?

CM: Well, the middle of last week, our cleaning people came in at night to scrub the place down. Unfortunately, when our counters got in the next morning, they discovered an absolute tragedy. Our permanent record of the vote counting had been destroyed – the blackboard was scrubbed clean! Even worse, the ballots had been thrown out with the trash!

TCO: Wow. That’s horrible. Yet, you are expecting to have complete results …

CM: I know what you’re thinking. No, we didn’t just make up some numbers. We grabbed our boots and headed out to the dump. After two days in the dump, we recovered every single ballot. Then we went work, removing chewing gum and taco sauce from the ballots. It was hard work, but I am confident that every single vote has been tallied correctly.

TCO: Wow, that’s quite the ballot tale, captain Morgan. That’s it for this installment of the news. Join us next time as we oversee the counting of ballots in the Alaska senate race.