Yep, I’m too lazy to write a a full article today – so I’ll reveal bits and pieces about myself instead.

  • My name – Nope, sorry, this isn’t the grand revelation.  I will remain under my curtain of anonymity.  But I’ll tease you with this – my last name, while being neither particularly common nor particularly uncommon, is contained within the title of an award-winning film and was also the last name of a main character on a popular sitcom.
  • My left foot – My left foot has six toenails.  It has the standard number of toes (that would be FIVE, if you’re not sure) but one of the toes (the toe next to the big toe) has “Mickey Mouse ears” at the top, with each “ear” having a separate toe nail.  Nope, I do not plan to have surgery to “fix” the problem.  It has never been much of a problem, to be honest.
  • My favorite food – My favorite food is chili, but I’m very particular.  This can be a bit problematic, since there are hundreds of different ways to prepare chili.
  • Weird stuff I eat – One of my favorite treats is braunschweiger.  This is a liver based product that can be sliced into pieces.  I personally prefer to eat it between crackers.  Oddly, I don’t like any other form of liver.
  • I’m not xenophobic – But I do dislike ethnic food.  Essentially any and all ethnic food.  As a general rule, the more expensive the ethnic food, the less likely I will like it.  Taco Bell and cheap frozen egg rolls are fine – but any ethnic restaurant that is above the level of fast food is likely to disagree with my palate in a violent manager.
  • Don’t be so shellfish! – I am allergic to iodine, and hence to shellfish (such as shrimp).
  • I can’t swim – Really, I can’t swim at all.  I lack the capacity to float, which greatly hindered my ability to learn how to swim.  On the bright side, there was one occasion where I actually thought I was going to drown during swimming lessons (because the lifeguard was a bit slow to respond to my customary sinking after jumping from the board) and I did actually manage to swim to the side during my moment of panic.   Alas, I have never managed to recapture that skill.  (Yes, yes, I was supposed to jump from the board into the deep end of the pool – that was the point of that part of the swimming lesson.)
  • Typing – I have perhaps the ugliest typing method you have ever seen.  I type with the tips of my fingers (instead of the pads) and my method is far removed from “home row”.  My left hand stays basically in one place, while my right wanders across a wide swath of the keyboards, hitting keys as necessary.  Of course, after a couple of decades using this method, I do actually maintain a pretty decent speed.
  • Animals – I grew up on a farm and am not a big fan of domesticated animals.  I am a fan of wild animals, though.  My favorite wild animal is the tiger.  Every year, I buy a tiger calendar for my desk at work.
  • All of a sudden – This is one of my greatest pet peeves.  I absolutely hate when people say “all of a sudden” or “all of the sudden” in place of “suddenly.”  Considering what the term is trying to convey, using four words instead of one seems a bit ironic.
  • If I could meet any person, living or dead … – I’d pick the living one.  The dead ones start to smell after a while :)

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Kosmo is the founder of The Soap Boxers and writes on a variety of topics. Many of his short stories have been collected into Kindle books.

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