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Austin was as ready as he was going to be. He took a deep breath and popped open the door. He exited the lavatory of the airplane and stepped back into the cabin.
The plane had been aloft for ninety minutes. It was cruising effortlessly over flyover country. Half the passengers were trying to get some sleep. The other half were reading books, solving Soduku puzzles, and goofing around on laptops.
Austin walked back to his seat, grabbed the empty duffel bag from his seat, and walked purposefully toward the front of the plane. When he pulled aside the curtain that separated first class from the unwashed masses, people finally noticed.
“Hey, you can’t go up there,” protested a flight attendant as she walked swiftly toward him. The dozing passengers began to wake up.
Austin pulled the pistol from the duffel bag and leveled it at the flight attendant. She stopped in her tracks, and Austin could sense the heightened level of anxiety aboard the plane. Austin could see the puzzled look on her face – wondering how he managed to sneak a gun aboard the plane.
“Come up here,” Austin commanded her. When the woman hesitated for a moment, he nodded toward the gun to remind her of its presence. This reminder was effective, and she quickly joined him at the front of the plane.
“OK,” he shouted. “This is how things are going to work. Tiffany, here –“
“Tessa,” interrupted the flight attendant,
“Tessa,” he continued, glaring at the idiot, “is going to walk through the cabin with my bag. Each of you will simply drop your wallets and jewelry into the bag. When we’re done, I’m going to leave, and nobody gets hurt.”
“Bullshit,” yelled a burly man in the middle of the plane. “You’re not getting anything from me.”
Austin turned the pistol toward him. “I’ll get it from you, dead or alive. Your choice.”
The man’s companion spoke up. “I think he’s serious, Merrill.”
“Yes, Merrill. I’m serious. Dead serious.”
Merrill slunk back in his seat and Austin tossed the bag to Tessa.
“Go,” he growled. “Start at the front.”
Tessa began the process of collecting wallets and valuables from the passengers. Austin kept one eye on her while keeping the other eye on the rest of the plane – watchful for anyone else who wanted to be a hero.
“Hey, necklaces, too,” he said to a woman with a diamond broach around her neck. The woman clutched the broach and gave a wistful look before complying with his request.
When Tessa reached the back of the plane, Austin strode down the aisle and jerked the bag out of her hands. He took a quick glance into the bag and smiled appreciatively at the size of some of the diamond rings. This would be a very nice haul.
“OK,” he said, “the emergency door. Pop it open.”
“We can’t open it in flight,” protested Tessa.
“Yeah, you can,” he replied, pointing the gun at her. A few minutes later, the door was open and Austin prepared to jump.
“Geronimooooooooooo,” he yelled, beginning his freefall. Austin was on cloud nine – in a few short moments, he would be on the ground with his treasure.
A few seconds later, Austin realized that he had forgotten one small little thing. His parachute.
Kosmo is the founder of The Soap Boxers and writes on a variety of topics, including the Fiction Friday original short stories. You can purchase some of Kosmo's work at the company store. Like Kosmo's writing? You can leave a tip. Like this site? Subscribe via RSS, Subscribe via Email, or Follow us on Twitter. Want to get just the Fiction Friday articles, but not the rest of The Soap Boxers? Subscribe to the Fiction Friday RSS Feed - or subscribe via email. The permanent URL for this article is:http://www.thesoapboxers.com/details/
What We Can Learn From The Discovery Channel Hostage Situation
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At this very moment, a gunman – alleged to be a man by the name of James Lee – is holding hostages at the headquarters of The Discovery Channel. Yes, of all the networks in the world to target, he picks The Discovery Channel. I’ll admit that I don’t watch much of The Discovery Channel [...]
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Things That Grind My Gears
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Dog Poop There’s a “lady” in my neighborhood who takes her dog for walks. This is hardly unusual – there are a number of folks in the neighborhood with dogs. This person stands out because of her unwillingness to clean up after her dog. I’ve spotted the dastardly duo on neighbors’ lawns a number of times, [...]
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The Pirates Love Their Fans – And Wrigley Field
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It’s late August, and the Pittsburgh Pirates have clinched another losing season – the 18th year in a row that they’ll wind up with more losses than wins. At the time that I’m writing this, their record stands at 43-89, and they are strong contenders to be awarded the top pick in the 2011 draft [...]
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Juice
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Editor’s note: my friend Lazy Man’s ongoing battles with MonaVie distributors was the inspiration for this story. However, the companies, products, and people in this story are all fictional. Keep fighting the good fight, Lazy! Marco Pariso took a gulp of juice and settled into his rather uncomfortable chair in front of his rather ugly [...]
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Where’s Kosmo?
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I know what you’re thinking. ”Where can I find more stuff by Kosmo?” I’ve caught myself asking the same question. As it turns out, I’ve actually been featured as a guest writer on 9 other web sites – a total of 14 guest articles. Sometimes I have provided links to those guest articles; sometimes I [...]
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Forget Gold – Invest in Blago!
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Editorial notes: I hope that you read everything in The Soap Boxers, but if you are only interested in politics or fiction, we’re now providing RSS feeds of just those categories. You can choose to receive just the articles from The Political Observers (Squeaky, Zarberg, The Crunchy Conservative, and The Angry Squirrel) or just the original [...]
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Am I having A Literary Mid-Life Crisis?
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Note to my RSS and email subscribers: an unfinished version of this slipped out a few days ago, so this is going to appear to be a duplicate article. My apologies. In recent months, I am often having urges to re-read books that I read long ago – or pick up a copy of a [...]
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Legacy
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After thirty years on the job, Ronald Jensen was stepping down as the head sommelier at Greenwich Gardens. The Gardens, as the restaurant was widely known, was a favorite hot spot of the upper class. A hamburger, if someone would even consider ordering something so common, would cost about as much as a working person’s [...]
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How To Pull Off A Practical Joke
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Around the office, I’m know as a guy who generally has a smile on his face, but am not widely regarded as a practical joker. This made the setup for this practical joke even better. I have been a remote worker for several years, with most of my team at another location out of state [...]
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Writers for The Soap Boxers are freelance writers who work as independent contractors. Opinions expressed by the writers may not necessarily reflect the opinion of management.
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Please email Kosmo at Kosmo@ObservingCasually.com with any questions you may have.
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