Should Baseball Ban Home Plate Collisions?

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After Giants star catcher Buster Posey was saw his season come to an end as a result of a collision with Scott Cousins, many in the baseball world are calling for a rule change that would protect catchers.

Devastating home plate collisions have long been a part of the game. Those who say that “this is the way it’s always been” is a bad reason to maintain the status quo are correct. However, the mere fact that this incident involved a rising star rather than a journeyman is no reason to treat it differently than past incidents. If past incidents weren’t cause for a rule change, then why is Posey’s case special?

I’d also point at that there IS a rule on the books that should have prevented this collision. The rule states that a catcher cannot block home plate unless he has control of the ball. Posey was blocking home plate and did not have control of the ball. (The verbiage I’m referring to is at the end of rule 7.06. “NOTE: The catcher, without the ball in his possession, has no right to block the pathway of the runner attempting to score. The base line belongs to the runner and the catcher should be there only when he is fielding a ball or when he already has the ball in his hand.“)  As it turns out, Cousins could have avoided Posey and still scored. But I don’t think it’s fair for him to determine if the catcher had the ball or not in the split second he has to decide – his goal is to touch home plate before being tagged, by whatever means necessary. If catchers are concerned about collisions, they could stand to the side of the plate and use a sweep tag. Would the fans (and perhaps their teammates and manager) ridicule them for this. Probably – but that’s not the fault of the base runner.

In my opinion, the base runner should have the right of way in the baseline. It’s already illegal for them to hinder a fielder in the act of making a play – but why put them at a disadvantage on a play where the ball is being throw from one member of the opposing team to another? It’s the responsibility of the other team to execute the play safely.

Some have suggested a “slide rule.” I’m sure that would be popular … until the moment a catcher takes spikes to the knee and blows out an ACL.

And, of course, there are some nut jobs lobbing death threats at Cousins … for what was a perfectly legal play. Apparently, some Giants fans have very short memories. One of your own fans was savagely beaten at a game 2 months ago when trash talking went too far, and now you’re the ones making death threats?

How I Would Fix Congress

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Squeaky is on hiatus this week, so I’ll take a swing at a political issue 🙂

How would I fix congress?  Throw out the bums and start from scratch?  An interesting idea, but not quite what I have in mind.  I’d like to make some fundamental changes to the way congress works.

Take the politicians out of Washington – What do a Representative from Butte, Montana and a Senator from Earlville, Iowa have in common?  They are occupying office space costing many multiples of what similar space would cost in their home towns, while at the same time distancing themselves geographically from their constituents.  Sure, some members of congress make frequent trips back to their home districts, but at a considerable financial cost.  Why not utilize technology to create a virtual congress?  Videoconferencing can be used during committee meetings and debates.  A staffer can read a 1000 page bill just as easily in a cozy office in middle America as she can in a cramped D.C. room – and likely with fewer distractions.  How much money could be saved by relocating thousands of staffers out of DC – and how much more easily could the politicians remain in touch with their constituents.

Would this make things a bit more difficult for lobbyists?  Sure … but are we really concerned with the well-being of lobbyists?

No more career politicians – I don’t think I’m in favor of term limits, per se, (as I’m in favor of allowing voters to make their own decisions) but I think it would be better to have representatives who were more REPRESENTATIVE of their constituents.  I’m referring to this definition from dictionary.com: “exemplifying a class or kind; typical”.  Take a look at your local 5 term Senator – would you consider him/her to be a typical resident of your district?  I’d like to see congress look more like a small town school board or town council – people filling thankless roles out of a sense of duty to the community, without regard to financial rewards.

How to fix this?  I’m not sure.  Maybe cut off the salary after one terms?  Or even remove the concept of seniority and put all members of congress at the exact same level.

Vote on the issues –  Let’s imagine that you care more about the environment than any other issue, but none of your congressional candidates (in either party) shares your views.  Or imagine that your views on immigration side with the Republican candidate but your views on environmental issues align with the Democratic candidate.  Regardless of whom you vote for, you’re championing one issue at the expense of the other.

In today’s world, should geography remain the factor that officially identifies blocks of voters?  Instead of voting on candidates who will represent your state, why not vote on a slate of candidates who will represent your INTERESTS instead.  Let’s take the standing committees in the Senate and House as a starting point.  Reshape the House of Representatives so that each of the 435 members of the house is a standing member of ONE committee.  When we vote, we’d vote for an Agriculture representative, Foreign Relations representative, Veterans’ Affairs representative, etc.

Would each committee be heavily influence by the voters in the large states?  Probably.  However,  this isn’t really that unfair – those states have more citizens, and we believe in equal representation for each citizen, not equal representation for each state.  It’s also quite possible that the big states will cancel either other out – for example, if the Texas voters weigh heavily one one side of the issue and California voters come down on the other side.

Want to ensure some broad based support of bills?  OK, you can keep the Senate.

Looters (and other pond scum)

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It happens every time there is a natural disaster, and it’s happening in Joplin, Missouri.  As people try to put their lives back together, looters are looking through the rubble in search of anything that might fetch a few bucks.  Other than declaring open season on looters, I’m not really sure how this problem can be fixed.  If you’re stealing from people in the aftermath of a tragedy, you truly have no shame.  In the aftermath of the Iowa floods in 2008, there were instances of people the copper from inside homes.

Jim Tressel finally stepped down as the football coach at Ohio State.  He’s not the first football coach to cover up NCAA violations, and he’s not the first to lie to the NCAA about it.  However, in this case there was a smoking gun, and you can’t let one guilty person off simply because you have insufficient evidence to prove that other people are guilty.

The athletes are definitely no angels in this situation.  They should have known better.  However, they are young, and young people make mistakes.  The smart ones learn from those mistakes.  I’m certainly annoyed at the way the NCAA watered down the punishment by having it start AFTER their bowl game.  The players will miss relatively unimportant early season games.  Want to make suspensions less predictable?  Throw the names of all a team’s opponents in a hat and randomly choose which games a player will be suspended for.  It might be Central Southeast Ohio A & T … or it might be Michigan.

I’m sure some Buckeye fans will blame Christopher Cicero for the imminent collapse of the program.  Cicero is the Columbus lawyer who emailed Tressel to make him aware of the fact that his players were interacting with a known criminal.  For those Buckeye fans who feel that what has transpired is the worst that could have happened to the OSU football program … you are wrong.  The worst thing that could have happened was having a player getting mixed up in something really bad an ending up dead.  Put yourself in Cicero’s shoes – if you said nothing, and someone ended up hurt, could you sleep at night?  I know very little about Cicero outside of the OSU scandal, but if this is an indication of how his moral compass orients, I’d hire him as a lawyer if I needed one.  He had the best interests of the kids at heart.

And perhaps the mos bizarre pond scum incident from the past few weeks – Dominique Strauss-Kahn, head of the International Monetary Fund, sexually assaulting a hotel maid in his New York hotel room.  Strauss-Kahn was expected to be a leading candidate in the French presidential election.  Even if he were able to flee the country, I’m not sure how he expected this incident to remain hidden.  This wasn’t some anonymous rapist – it was really easy to figure out who it was – the registered occupant of the hotel room.  Goodbye job, goodbye French presidency, goodbye freedom.

The End Of The World (Baseball Numerology)

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Harold Camping may have been wrong, but that’s no reason to give up on numerology as a way to predict the end of the world.  The spirit of Joe Jackson appeared before me in a dream and gave me the all the details.

  • There are 30 teams in Major League Baseball
  • The teams are split into 2 leagues
  • A team is allowed 3 outs per inning
  • There are 3 strikes in a strikeout
  • There are 4 balls in a walk

30 X 2 X 3 X 3 X 4 = 2160

Then, we have our deductions, which we subtract from this number

  • There are 19 letters in “Major League Baseball”
  • There are 14 letters in “National League”
  • There are 14 letters in “American League”
  • There are 54 outs in a game
  • There are 6 divisions
  • 8 teams make the playoffs
  • The World Series has a maximum length of 7 games
  • Playoff roster size is 25

2160 – 19 – 14 – 14 – 54 – 6- 8 – 7 – 25 = 2013

The world win end at the conclusion of the World Series in the year 2013.  Enjoy the time you have left.  Good day.

Do Libraries Steal From Authors?

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When I was a kid, I was a very frequent visitor at my school and public libraries.  I have always loved to read, and what a great deal – free books!  Truly a wonderful thing.

As I have gotten older and become an author myself, I have been plagued with doubts.  Are libraries actually stealing from authors by minimizing the value of the author’s intellectual property?  The logic is pretty basic – if you check out a book from the library instead of buying it, the author isn’t making any money from you.  From a financial perspective, authors would much prefer that every buy new copies of their books and keep them in their personal libraries – never setting foot in a public library or used book store, and never lending out any of your books.

Although I actually have a large personal library (around 600 books), I don’t even maximize revenue for my favorite authors.  I buy a majority of my books used – meaning that the money goes into the secondary market rather than back to the author and publishers.  However, at least I do not “churn” book – buying them used and then trading them in a short while later.  Books that enter my home, for the most part, stay there (although I do share some of them with co-workers) – so I’m basically taking them out of circulation.

For printed books, the revenue impact of libraries is minimized somewhat by the fact that books wear out over time – after a certain number of readings, the book needs to be replaced.  However, this is not the case with eBooks.  The bytes do not degrade over time – the text will look every bit as good the 100th time a book is read as it did the first time.  HarperCollins received a lot of negative publicity for imposing a limit of 26 checkouts for their eBooks.  After 26 checkouts, a library would need to purchase another copy of the book.  Essentially, what HarperCollins is going is having a license that deteriorates in the same manner as a physical copy of a book.

Is HarperCollins being fair?  Let’s think this through and use an extreme example.  Let’s say that a library purchases a hardcover copy of the 50th anniversary one volume edition of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings.  The cost of that 1178 page book is currently $25.08 on Amazon.  At the same time, the library purchases the Kindle version for $18.99.  Twenty years from now, the library will have replaced the hardcover copy many times – earning revenue for the publisher and author each time.  However, without the artificial limit imposed by HarperCollins, the library would have only needed to purchase one copy of the eBook.  The cost per reading of the eBook would be far less than for the hardcover – much more enjoyment per dollar.

I’m OK with HarperCollins imposing limits.  It seems fair to compensate the author and publisher on a per-reading basis. Granted, it’s not exactly an apples-to-apples comparison, since the marginal cost of an eBook is far less than a printed book, due to the fact that the printed book is a physical item that must be manufactured and shipped.  Without some sort of expiration on an eBook license, a publisher could see their sales completely cannibalized by people who check out the eBook from their library without leaving their couch.  That’s a dangerous business model for publishers.

I’m siding with the publisher on that issue – but where do I stand on the question of whether or not libraries (and by extension, used book stores) rip off authors and publishers.

No.

In the end, I do think that libraries serve as a marketing vehicle for authors and publishers.  How many of us discovered our favorite authors on the shelves of a library, and then ended up buying future works by the author?  I’ve discovered some authors that way, and other via borrowed books from friends.  Eventually, I amassed a rather large collection of my own books, as a way to ensure that I always had an interesting assortment of books to read, and prefer not to be constrained by the time limits of the library (life can get busy at times, and it’s not always possible to finish a book quickly).

Baseball Update (American League)

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We’re nearly to Memorial Day, and the baseball races have begun to take shape.  What’s up?

AL East:

The Red Sox were annointed the favorites by many.  Then they stumbled out of the gate, losing their first six games and ten of their first twelve.  They were toast, right?  Nope, they have rallied and stand at 25-22, just a half game out of first place.

The Yankees are in first place, but I suspect that they are going to fall out of the race before the All-Star break.  There’s a lot of age on this team, and you can see it in the stats of some of the players (Jeter and Posada).  Father time can be cruel.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays lost Carl Crawford and Carlos Pena to free agency.  Surely they would feel the losses, right?  Well, the Devils are getting a lot from their pitchers, including a 5-2 record and 2.00 ERA from James Shields.  And before we applaud the Tampa management for the way they built a winner with a reasonable payroll, bear in mind that the foundation of the franchise would built upon a losing history (bad records = good draft picks).  They’ve done a nice job with the picks, but would not have had the chance to draft many of their players if they hadn’t sucked so bad in the past.

Jose Bautista of the Blue Jays is having an incredible year on the heels of his 54 homer performance last year.  He has 19 homers despite being walked frequently.  His 41 walks and .356 batting average give him a lofty .503 on base percentage and absurd 1.330 OPS.

Advantage: Boston’s experience will push them to the title.  They are 23-12 in their last 35 games.

AL Central:

The surprising Indians have opened up a 7 game lead in the Central.  Shortstop Asdrubal Cabrera bounced back from injuries in 2010 and is hitting .312 with 10 homers and 34 RBI.  Justin Masterson and Josh Tomlin are a combined 11-3 with a sub 2.50 ERA.

The Tigers are seven games back, and Justin Verlander, Max Scherzer, and Rick Porcello all have ERAs of 3.08 or lower.  The Tigers are a solid team, and it’s possible they could cut into the Cleveland lead a bit – but if the Indians push this lead to 11 or 12 games by mid-June, this division race could be over.

Kansas City is going to be promoting some really talented guys very soon – they built a great farm system the Tampa Bay way, through many losing seasons.  Eric Hosmer is already up, and we should see Mike Moustakas at some point.  Alex Gordon seems to be figuring things out, as well (remember, he’s just 27 – not a lost cause).  The Royals will contend in future years, but this isn’t the year.

Advantage: Cleveland.  If they can manage one more hot streak and get the lead to double digits, I think they can turn out the lights on the rest of the division.  Looking up and seeing that the team you’re chasing has a lead of 10+ games is demoralizing.  One thing to watch is Cleveland’s home record.  So far this year, they are 11-11 on the road and 19-4 at home.  Obviously, they won’t win 83% of their home games this year – so watch to see how far this number falls.

AL West

The AL West is the only 4 team division in baseball (The NL Central has 6 teams, all other divisions have 5)  and all 4 teams are within 3 games of first place.

Texas has been without Josh Hamilton and Nelson Cruz and have still managed to stay in first place.  With the two sluggers back, they may be able to create some distance between themselves and the rest of the division.  Alexi Ogando has burst onto the scene with a 5-0 record and 1.81 ERA.  His success shouldn’t be a complete shock, as he was very effective out of the bullpen last year (1.30 ERA in 41 2/3 innings).

The Angels have lost 1B Kendrys Morales for the year, but are still within a half game of Texas.  Jered Weaver stole the spotlight early on, but Dan Haren is having a very good year, 4-2 with a 1.84 ERA.  Howie Kendrick is hitting .322 and tied with Mike Trumbo (the replacement for Morales) for the team lead with 7 homers.

In Seattle, not surprisingly, it’s all about the pitching.  While Felix Hernandez is off to a good start (3.01 ERA while leading the staff with 77 2/3 innings pitched), 22 year old Michael Pineda has been dominant – 6-2 with a 2.16 ERA while holding opposing hitters to a .194 batting average.  The kid hasn’t had a bad game yet, and does a good job of limiting his walks.  The the Mariners were to somehow make the playoffs (they are just 1 1/2 games back) King Felix and Pineda would create a fearsome 1-2 matchup for other teams.

Finally, three games back, we find Oakland.  Their hitting is so mediocre (and their park is so pitcher friendly) that only Josh Willingham and Coco Crisp having a .400+ slugging percentage.  Their pitching, on the other hand, has been quite good.  Trevor Cahill (6-1, 1.79 ERA) leads the group, and the worst ERA in the rotation is 3.39 (Brandon McCarthy).

Advantage: Texas.  They’ve been able to hold serve with their big guys on the bench.  I think they are the most complete team.  I’d love to see Seattle and Oakland make a run, but they need more hitting.

That’s it for the American League.  We’ll cover the NL next week.

Millionaires on food stamps (and other random topics)

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I’m going to ramble on a lot of topics today, so bear with me.  Or stop reading.  The choice is yours.

If I Had Two Million Dollars, I’d Be Poor …

Leroy Fick on Michigan won $2 million on a television show affiliated with the Michigan lottery in 2010.  A year later, he’s on food stamps.  Has he fallen on hard times?  Well, lottery winnings are considered assets, but not income, are aren’t used to determine eligibility for assistance.  Federal guidelines DO use assets to determine eligibility, but Michigan (and at least 40 other states) have a waiver that allows them to ignore assets.  I’m sure that the thought process behind the waiver was well-intentioned (perhaps so that you wouldn’t have to sell your house to buy bread if you were laid off?), but I suspect that nobody ever dreamed that a lottery winner would apply for assistance.  The state is not aware of any other lottery winners receiving food stamps, and is quickly moving to close the loophole.

I think (hope) many of us would feel very blessed if we won the lottery, and use some of that money to help others – instead of taking money out of public coffers (although I guess that’s one way to reover what you’ve paid in taxes).

How does a lottery winner have no investment income, you ask? Easy. Put to money into investment funds that don’t pay dividends. You don’t have any income until you sell.

Baseball

The general manager of the Washington Nationals has indicated that 18 year old prospect Bryce Harper will not play in the Major Leagues this year, not even as a “September call-up” when rosters are expanded to 40 players on September 1.  This seems like a smart move.  Unless the Nationals are in contention late in the year, there’s no reason to rush Harper’s development.  He’s demolishing low-A pitching right now, and would expect him to be promoted to high-A soon, and probably to AA before the end of the year.  However, he still needs to polish some of his skills, and a 2012 debut makes a lot of sense.

On the topic of talented youngsters, I’m pegging Cubs shortstop Starlin Castro as a lock for 3000 hits.  Castro has a lot of things going for him – not only is he young (21), but he hits in the early part of the order and doesn’t walk much (both of which boost his at bats).  As long as he doesn’t develop much power, he could be in the 1 or 2 hole in the order for many years to come, and if he doesn’t walk much he might make a push for 700 at bats some years.  You only need a .286 batting average to get 200 hits in 700 at bats.  If he stays healthy at consistently hits above 300, you might even see Castro make a run at 4000 hits.

Giants fan Bryan Stow remains in the hospital after he was beaten severely by two men at Dodger Stadium on March 31.  Despite a $200,000 reward and composite drawings of the two attackers, they have not been apprehended.  I find it unlikely that nobody knows who the attackers are, and I hope someone comes forward.  How can you sleep at night if you know who is responsible for this terrible crime?  I have as much hatred for the Giants as anyone, but it’s absolutely crazy to carry things this far.  We can have healthy rivalries without violence.  Best wishes, Bryan.

Jim Tressel

Ohio State will not be paying the legal expenses football coach Jim Tressel incurs as part of an ongoing NCAA investigation.  This seems perfectly fair, since Tressel kept the university in the dark, rather that taking the correct steps of informing his athletic director and compliance director when he learned of potential violations.  I’m hoping to see the NCAA drop the hammer hardon Tressel … but I’m not overly confident in the NCAA, given their spotty decision-making history.

Fiction status

I’m going to cut back on my short stories for a while. I’ll still try to write 2 stories per month for the site. I’ll likely shift those stories to Saturday and have a different type of article on Fridays.

The first class of my fiction school wrapped up. There were several delays, most of them caused by me. However, it was a very rewarding experience. My job ended up being a lot more difficult than I imagined, simple because of the relatively high level of polish the writers exhibited. I was expected to have to point out more flaws in technique, but the three writers in the class put forward some very fine work. Maybe you’ll see some of their work on this site in the future.

I’m working to get some traction on my novel (which is why I’m cutting back on stories a bit). I recently wrote a new beginning for the book – a prologue that shows the villain planning for the evil that will come. The prologue had gotten rave reviews … now I just need to write 90,000+ more words to finish the book.

New Logo

The parent organization for The Soap Boxers, Hyrax Publications LLC, has a new logo.  Scroll to the bottom to see it.  It’s a bit minimalist, but I like it.

Baseball Update

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We’re nearly at the quarter pole of the baseball season. What has happened so far?

The Phillies should be scaring the hell out of everyone.  They have the best record in baseball despite not having star second baseman Chase Utley in the lineup.  I hesitate to call a division race this early, but the other NL East teams really needed the Phillies to struggle out of the gate to have a chance.

The Cardinals lost co-ace Adam Wainwright for the season, Matt Holliday had an appendectomy early in the season, and Albert Pujols has been less than Pujolsian so far.  While Pujols has an OK, albeit low for him, homerun total (7), the rest of his numbers are well below his career numbers.  His .273 batting average is well below his career mark of .330 and he has just 3 doubles on the year.  He’s not walking very much, and he’s hitting into double plays at an alarming rate.  Whether it’s the pressure of his looming free agency, or something else, this is a very bad time for him to have the worst season of his career.  On the other hand, Holliday is batting .398 for the season and  free agent acquisition Lance Berkman is hitting .351 with 10 homers – and the Cardinals are in first place.

The Cleveland Indians have shocked everyone by recording the best record in the American League, and have a 4 game lead over the Tigers.  Bringing up the rear in the division are the White Sox and Twins.  Who could have predicted that?  The division also features the two hurlers to record no-hitters this year – Justin Verlander of the Tigers and Francisco Liriano of the Twins.

The Pirates and Red Sox have the same record.  If you predicted that at the beginning of the season, raise your hand, Mr. Liar.  The Pirates haven’t had a winning season since 1992 (sadly, that is NOT a typo).  Can Clint Hurdle push the team to 82 wins?  I really hope so.  In spite of the fact that the Rockies pushed out Hurdle in 2009, I still wish the guy the best.

My Rockies bolted out to an 11-2 record, but have faded lately and enter play on Saturday with a record of 20-16.  Still, that’s good enough for first place, in spite of the fact that we haven’t had many contributions from ace Ubaldo Jimenez, 2010 MVP runner-up Carlos Gonzalez, or third base.  Shortstop Troy Tulowitzki has alternated between red hot and ice cold.  Hopefully his 3 for 5 with homer on Friday is the sign of good things to come.  Catcher Chris Iannetta has been deceptively productive.  His batting average is just .224, but his on base percentage has been near .400 recently, and his OPS has been near .900.  Ten of his 19 hits have gone for extra bases, and he has 21 walks on the year.  Overall, I’m happy to see the Rockies in first place – but I thin they’ll need more hands on deck to hold off the hated Giants.

And speaking of hated players … I’m not at all surprised to see Derek Jeter struggling this year.  He was hitting .268 after Friday’s game, but it’s a very soft .268.  He has only two homers on the year (in the same game) and only five total extra base hits.  Jeter put up the worst numbers of his career last year, and his slow start this year has many wondering if his stats are indicative of a decline rather than a mere slump.  Jeter is a shortstop who will soon turn 37, and Father Time is generally not kind to middle infielders.  Jeter, on the other hand, can laugh all the way to the bank after signing a new contract in the off-season what is paying him roughly double what he was likely to have made as a free agent (remember, he would have been a type A free agent, meaning that the signing team would have had to sacrifice a draft pick).

How Old Are You?

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Recently, I was watching the video of Brad Paisley’s new song, “Old Alabama”. I like Brad Paisley, but I’m a huge Alabama fan. I ran a successful Alabama website for a number of years beginning in 1994, and it’s common for me to sing “My Home’s in Alabama”, “The Cheap Seats”, and “Hollywood: to my one year old to get him to sleep (mixing in more common lullabies such as “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.”)

What really caught me off guard was the title “Old Alabama.” Then I realized that “My Home’s In Alabama” hit the charts in 1980 – 31 years ago. I’ve always considered “The Cheap Seats” (a baseball themed song) to be a newer Alabama song, but even this song will turn 18 years old this year.

It’s not just Alabama, either. I follow a lot of older musicians or groups, including Bob Dylan, The Eagles, Eric Clapton, Jimmy Buffet, and The Beatles.

I read a lot of fiction, and I’m beginning to see some of my authors die. OK. Stieg Larsson and John D. MacDonald were dead before I started reading their stuff, so you can’t blame me. But then came Ed McBain (a/k/a Evan Hunter) and Michael Crichton. Many other writers I follow are at an age where they qualify for discounts at restaurants.

In June, I will mark 14 years of employment at the same company. (It’s a great company to work for, and I’d say this even if I didn’t think company spies were reading this site. Just for the record). It’s a conservative industry, and I support a system that is used by tens of thousands of users within the company and untold more outside corporate walls. Very much a “grown-up” career.

So I’m getting old, right?

 

But on the other hand … there are a lot of youthful things in my life. I enjoy Phineas and Ferb when I get a chance to see it (“Mom! Phineas and Ferb and making a title sequence!” is my all-time favorite Candace line), and I don’t really mind watching Max and Ruby with the kids.

I have a t-shirt featuring Winnie The Pooh and another featuring a penguin covering his ears with the caption “not listening.” Several shirts in my collection are worn to elicit smiles from passers-by.

If you visit my grand office (er, grand cubicle), the first thing that will jump out at you are the animals. Lions, tigers, and bear – oh my! Not to mention a kangaroo, squirrel, elephant, and of course, dinosaurs. My dinosaur wall calendar is yet another reminder of the fascination with the great creatures I have had since childhood.

High atop a cabinet is Snoopy piloting a life sized version of a Sopwith camel. (OK, maybe it’s a cheap plastic thing that was once filled with candy … same difference).

The final paradox in my office? Bean bag versions of Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore contemplating the book “Understanding Variation: The Key to Managing Chaos.” I’ll get around to reading the book soon, but for now, I can amuse myself with the thought that the two friends are building up their knowledge of statistics.

So, what’s my point? No matter how old you are in chronological years, you’re as young as you think you are. That’s good news for me, as my stated goal is to live to be 105.

The Streak

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Inspired by Andre Ethier’s hitting streak … at 29 games and counting when I wrote this.  If this jinxes Ethier … well, that’s kind of the point.  I hate the Dodgers.

Derek Bond looked around the sold out stadium. The old facility was bulging at the seams with a standing room only crowd. He smiled broadly, thinking of how the night would change his life. His appearance fee would certainly triple, to say nothing of the commemorative items that would make him a fortune.

Derek watched an inferior teammate ground out weakly to short. As the bum returned to the dugout, the team’s brightest star stepped to the plate.

The first pitch caught much more of the plate that the pitcher had hoped for, and Derek took a healthy swing and drove the ball to deep center field. The outfielder raced to keep up with the ball, then made a well time jump at the wall. He landed with a thud at the base of the wall, where he sat stunned for a moment. Then he jumped up, pulled the ball from his glove and fired it back toward the infield.

When Derek returned to the dugout, he took out his frustration on the water cooler as his teammates scattered. How sweet it would have been to extend his hitting streak to 56 games with a home run. It would have made him even more of a legend than he already was.

Derek had his second chance at history in the fourth inning. He wasn’t sure what the score was. He thought perhaps his team was winning. The important thing was to get a hit and keep the streak alive. An inside fastball brushed against his elbow pad and the umpire awarded him first base.

Derek came to the plate in the seventh inning, certain that this would be his historic moment. Unfortunately, the pitcher experienced a bout of wildness, and Derek watched four pitches sail wide of the strike.

“Hey, it’s the hitless wonder,” jeered the opposing first baseman as Bond took his place on the bag.

“I’ll get my hit” replied Bond sharply.

“Runnin’ out of time,” came the reply. “By my reckoning, you’ve got one shot left.”

Derek reflected on the situation and agreed that he’d probably only have one more at bat in the game. He’d have to make it count. After the next hitter struck out, his nemesis crossed Derek’s path on the way back to the opposing dugout.

“Hey, I’ll buy some of that champagne for half price,” mocked the first baseman.

Was it possible that the pitchers were actively attempting to break his streak, with little regard to how it affected the game? Was the pitch that hit him really an accident? Was it a coincidence that the pitcher couldn’t find the strike zone during his last at bat? Derek tried to put the thoughts out of his mind.

When Derek came to the plate in the ninth, the crowd gave him a thunderous ovation. History was still within his grasp. He just needed one insignificant little hit. A blooper to the outfield, a ground ball that found a hole – anything would do. One hit and he would be immortalized.

The first pitch was low and away and Derek took the pitch for a ball. The pitcher hit the same target on the next pitch, running the count to 2-0. When the pitcher hit the same spot a third time, Derek realized that he wasn’t going to see a better pitch. These bums didn’t care about the game – they just wanted to see his streak end.

As the next pitch neared the plate, Derek lunged to reach the pitch, which was far off the plate. He felt the bat make solid contact and saw the white missile shoot high into the night sky. The center fielder didn’t move an inch – he just watched the home run ball fly into the stands.

As the crowd went wild, Derek heard the umpire shout something.

“OUT!” yelled the man in blue, as he pointed at the plate. “You stepped on the plate,” he explained. “You’re out.”

And thus the streak ended not with a bang, but with a whimper – falling victim to a technicality.

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