The SoapBoxers

His own image stared up at him from the front page of the tabloid. “Security guards at the Red Triangle Gallery were forced to remove Pat Killpatrick from the premises on Sunday. Killpatrick, the brother of actor Matt Killpatrick, was attending a gala event honoring the works of Maria Rubio when he became verbally abusive toward the artist …”

Same song, different day. Pat had always been the black sheep of the family. While Matt had been a struggling actor who auditioned during the day and washed dishes at night, his brother had been flunking out of community college and mooching of their parents. He slept in until noon, hung out with a bad crowd, and couldn’t even be bothered to help out around the house.

When Matt finally got his big break, Pat was still living at home – a decade after finishing high school. Nearly overnight, Pat changed from being a lazy bum to being a guy who worked very hard. Worked very hard at being a jerk. With a famous brother, he now felt entitled to the trappings of the rich and famous.

At first, Pat’s transgressions were largely limited to pulling out the “Do you know who I am?” card when he found himself in awkward situations. He attempted to impress the state trooper who pulled him over for speeding and bully the restaurant employee who caught him trying to dine and dash.

Before long, Pat realized that he could make easy money from his very own image. Matt’s publicist nearly had a heart attack when she saw Matt’s face on a billboard promoting a strip club claiming to have “the youngest girls in town.” Matt was frustrated to find out that there was little he could do to stop Pat. Technically, Pat wasn’t selling the rights to Matt’s image, but rather the rights to his own image. The fact that Matt and Pat were identical twins was problematic for Matt, but was not a reason to bar Pat from appearing on billboards. Matt’s lawyer pointed out that the billboard had Pat’s name prominently displayed. It was obviously a ploy to ward off a lawsuit – but an effective ploy.

Pat then embarked upon his own acting career. He starred in two low budget porn films before it became apparent that his acting skills weren’t up to the level required by the industry.

Still after an easy buck, Pat was soon appearing on billboards once again. Not just strip clubs this time – be branched out into pawn shops and payday loans. His face was on dozens of billboards in the tri-sate area. As if this didn’t create enough embarrassment for Matt, he also began popping up in public at events such as the gallery gala – generally making an ass of himself and bringing shame down on the family.

A friend had once asked Matt why he didn’t “just kill that worthless bastard of a brother.”

“Ah,” he had replied, “but where would I hide the body?” The comment got the laugh that Matt had been hoping for.

Matt set down the newspaper and gazed out at his flower garden. For many years, it had been the envy of the neighborhood – the garden’s nutrient-rich soil produced a bountiful harvest of flowers that displayed incredibly vibrant colors.

My fantasy baseball draft is underway.  You may remember that it’s a bit of an oddball league.  The main rule is that you can only play one guy for each letter of the alphabet.  The draft consists of ten rounds, with each owner being assigned a group of letters for each round (no duplicates, everyone has a unique group).

This does tend to turn normal strategy on its head, as you may be forced to wait on certain positions.  For example, the good catchers bunch up in the Ms.  I don’t have M until the eighth round.

How has the draft unfolded for me so far?

1st round (B and V) – Justin Verlander has won a total of 37 games the past two seasons, with 488 strikeouts and an ERA around 3.40 during that stretch.  He’s the clear choice.  I could chase reigning MVP Joey Votto, but first basemen with good bats aren’t hard to find.

B was a bit different.  Lots of good players within this letter.  Ryan Braun and Jay Bruce are some big bats, and Beckett, Buchholz, and Bumgarner are guys who could rack up a lot of wins.  In the end, it came down to a choice between one hitter and one pitcher.  The pitcher was Padres closer Heath Bell, and the hitter was … Florida catcher John Buck.  Why Buck?  Because the good catcher letters are very late for me.  A bird in the hand, perhaps?  In the end, I go with Bell.

2nd round (L, O/I) – Evan “Gabby” Longoria was already off the board, so this came down to a choice between Tim Lincecum and Cliff Lee.  Very comparable players from a statisticts perspective, but Lincecum gets more strikeouts, and he’s my pick.

I is a really shallow letter, and thus gets combined with O to make a decent letter grouping.  Lurking in this group was Rockies catch Chris Iannetta.  Iannetta has 25 homers in his last 477 at bats.  The only bad thing is that those at bats are split over two years.  If the Rockies stick with him for the whole year, he can produce.  He also walks enough to partially offset a bad batting average (we count OBP rather than BA).  Iannetta is the reason I passed on John Buck – I was confident that the person who had O/I in the first round would go after Roy Oswalt.

3rd round (H, A) – Roy Halladay and Felix Hernandex are off the board at this point.  Guys like Haren, Harden, Hamels, Hudson, and Hughes are available … but with two aces on the staff already, this is a good time to go for a bat.  I look around to see if anyone makes sense from the perspective of positional scarcity.  Bill Hall (2B) or J.J Hardy (SS)?  Nah, not enough value to pass up the thunder bats.  I’m looking for a guy who can help me in all the categories, across the board.  My guy is Matt Holliday.

There are some solid pitching candidates in the As, but nobody who is really elite.  At the opening of the draft, the two guys I had coveted in the As were Texas shortstop Elvis Andrus and Pirates 3B Pedro Alvarez.  Of the two, I much preferred Andrus due to positional scarcity at shortstop.  Alvarez his 16 homers in 347 at bats as a rookie, and knocked in 64 RBI in that time.  Extrapolate to 500 at bats, and this would be 23 homers and 92 RBI … assuming no improvement.

Where we stand – I definitely need to grab a shortstop and second baseman before the good ones are gone.  Outfielders and first basemen are a dime a dozen and I can pick some up later.  I’d also like to grab another catcher, just in case Iannetta struggles.  On the pitching side, I’ll likely end up with 2-3 closers and the rest starters.  We have nine pitchers active each week, and I can tweak the lineup to have all the closer active when I’m facing a team with multiple closers, and just one active when I face a team that doesn’t have a closer (which should enable me to win the saves category while still having 8 pitchers racking up wins for me as starters).

I still need a team name.  I go with something different every year.  Last year was the Youra Peeins.

I caught some snippets of Charlie Sheen’s made-for-TV interview over the weekend.

When it was announced that Sheen needed rehab to fight his addictions, I was disappointed, but somewhat sympathetic.  It’s an unfortunate fact of life in Hollywood that some stars find themselves addicted to drugs.  Many manage to regain their footing in life and resume their careers.

But then Sheen started to talk, and I realized that he had two problems.  The first – drug addiction – is something that can often be treated successfully.  Egomania, on the other hand, is often a lifelong affliction.

According to Sheen, he has “tiger blood”, “Adonis DNA”, and is tired of pretending he isn’t special.  In the midst of this whole debacle, Sheen is demanding a raise – he wants $3 million per episode.  The whole issue of how athletes and stars is for another day … but seriously, you’re asking for a RAISE at a time when you’re embarrassing those around you?  Perhaps not the best timing.

Is Charlie Sheen a talented actor?  Sure – I’ve enjoyed him in 2 1/2 Men and in his movies, dating back to Major League.  Is he head-and-shoulders above the crowd?  No.  There are a lot of actors in his class.  Can you see Mark Harmon (NCIS) or Rainn Wilson (The Office) ranting about how they have tiger blood coursing through their veins?

OK, maybe that’s a bad example.  I can definitely see Wilson saying that … but only in character as Dwight Schrute.

I’ve always liked 2 1/2 Men, but I’ve always contended that the real strength of the show is the writing, not the acting.  All of the characters, large and small, have great lines.  Even the pizza guy has good zingers (“We’ve had a good run, Mr. Harper.”)

It’s a shame you didn’t have your publicist handle the media this time around, Charlie.  I’m certainly tired of hearing about you, and I’m likely to flip past your show instead of tuning in.  I certainly hope other stars are taking note in order to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Note: My fantasy baseball draft is under way, so I’m in a baseball mood.  I’m choosing to re-run an older baseball-themed story.  Release Point originally ran on March 27, 2010.  What makes it special?  It was the first ever Fiction Friday story.  Many of the regular readers may not have seen it before.  If it seems a bit rough compared to the newer stories, bear in mind that I was just picking up fiction writing after a ten year layoff when I wrote this story.

Jerome Franklin’s mind was a thousand miles away as the bus persevered over the rough roads, jolting the occupants seemingly every five seconds. Jerome was thinking about how he ended last year, giving up home runs at an alarming rate and allowing hits with such frequency that the manager was routinely sending him to the showers in the third inning. Coach Brunner had worked with him on his release point, but would he still be tipping his pitches? For a former seventh round draft pick in his fourth year in the farm system, this was a make or break year. A repeat of last year’s performance would probably mean his outright release and a job shoveling cow dung on the family farm.

Franklin sighed loudly and shifted in his seat. Max Cook pulled his headphones off, turned in his seat and gave Jerome his characteristically broad smile.

“Hey, J. No worries, man. We’ll be there soon.”

Franklin gave a faint smile to his friend and they began some small talk and the bus clattered through the city toward the ballpark. The off-season had been a long one, and he had not had much contact with many of his friends.

Jerome ate his typical pregame meal of two hot dogs, washed down with a bottle of Gatorade. Perhaps he should switch to a different pregame meal in order to change his luck. No, he decided, he wasn’t going to fall into the trap of becoming the stereotypically superstitious ballplayer. Besides, he really liked hot dogs, regardless of what they packed inside the wieners. He burped, grabbed his glove, and headed onto the field for practice.

A short while later, Jerome was honoring his country during the national anthem, watching the flag wave slightly in the breeze. Adrenaline was flowing through his body at full speed, and he was ready to take the field and assert his dominance. They were the road team tonight, however, and Jerome would have to cool his heels for a half inning.

Max Cook scorched a line drive to right field, and the speedy center fielder motored around to third base to start the game. Unfortunately, Cook would remain at third. The next batter struck out swinging at a pitch over his head. Then came a lazy pop fly to the pitcher. Finally, a towering fly ball that would have served as a great sacrifice fly if it had come one batter sooner. The smile was gone from Cook’s face when he returned to the dugout, replaced by a frustrated grimace.

“Let’s get ‘em, J.,” Cook shouted. “1-2-3”

Jerome’s first pitch was a curveball. The hitter jumped on it and hammered the ball to the deepest part of centerfield for a homerun. He turned to heckle Jerome as be broke into an exaggerated trot.

“You’re still tipping the pitches, Meat!”

Jerome was steamed as he stood waiting for the jerk to finish his leisurely stroll around the bases. He considering hitting the next batter, but the last thing he needed was another base runner. He started off the next batter with a fastball, and it was also hit hard. Max Cook chased down the ball in centerfield and hurried the ball back to second base, but the runner slid in safely.

Catcher Johnny Morris jogged out to the mound.

“These guys think they have you rattled, J. Just remember everything the Brew taught you. You’re not tipping your pitches any more. Let’s get em.” Morris slapped him on the rear end and head back to the plate.”

The next pitch was a fastball and Morris was quickly out of his crouch and gunning the ball to third base, nailing a would-be base stealer trying take advantage of Franklin’s state of mind to be aggressive.

The next pitch was a changeup, and the batter was fooled badly, popping the ball foul to third base, where it was caught. Jerome began to focus on the task at hand and worried less and less about tipping his pitches. He moved the ball in, out, up, and down and complemented his high 90s fastball with a healthy dose of changeups and curveballs. He was throwing all his pitches from the same release point, making it impossible to the batters to determine which pitch was coming. Jerome was in control of the game, and pitched seven strong innings, allowing just three hits and walking two batters. The offense was never able to muster a rally, however, and Jerome found himself on the wrong end of a 1-0 score. Franklin may have lost the battle, but he was beginning to win the war. Today’s shower was going to feel really good.

A few weeks ago, I was perusing Robin Yount’s Wikipedia page and saw the note that Yount and Fergie Jenkins were tied for the fewest All Star game appearances among Hall of Famers who played their entire careers during the era of All Star Games.  I realized that when Bert Blyleven is inducted this summer, he’ll lower the bar to two appearances.  How low can this game of All Star Game limbo go?  One appearance?  Zero?

I threw this idea over the wall to my baseball think tank.  The specific question was which player had the best career, but with zero All Star Game appearances.

Barry from the 314 gave me some good food for thought.  He pointed out that new White Sox slugger Adam Dunn has just 1 All Star Game appearance on his resume.  Dunn probably is hurt by the fact that he has a reputation as a “homer or strikeout” type of player and is a poor defender.  While it’s true that he’s a Three True Outcomes sort of player (see Moneyball for some background), he’s good enough at the third outcome (walks) to boost his on base percentage to a respectable level – .381 for his career.  If Dunn ends up with 600+ homers (quite likely) and a .380+ on base pecentage, will the voters keep him out of Cooperstown?

The most interesting player with zero All Star Game appearances is Dunn Lite – Mark Reynolds of the Orioles.  Granted, Reynolds is coming off a dreadful year in which he mustered just a .198 batting average.  However, his career batting average (.242) is just 8 points less than Dunn’s (.242 and he has been increasing his walk rate – nabbing 83 free passes last season.  Then, of course, there is the power – 104 homers in the past three seasons, including 44 in 2009.  However, Reynolds has been criticized so heavily for his record breaking tendency to strike out that he might never be selected to an All Star Game, even if he gets his numbers in line with those of Dunn.  (We know how I feel about strikeouts).

Is it actually possible for someone to be elected to the Hall of Fame without ever being recognized as an All Star?  On the face, this seems unlikely, considering the increasingly bloated size of the rosters (I actually made the National League All Star team last year).  However, it may actually be possible.

It would probably be easiest for a starting pitcher.  Some managers are very protective of their pitchers, preferring that they don’t pitch in the All Star Game.  When this happens, the manager of the All Star team typically avoids picking the player rather than wasting a roster spot on someone who won’t help them win the game.  Take a guy who is a consistent 16-17 game winner with four 20 wins seasons mixed in, and I could see a possibility of him only being considered maybe five times.  Once or twice, he may have pitched the last game before the break and be unavailable.  The other times, an overprotective manager keeps him off the team.  You’d need the stars to align in order for this to happen, but it might.

Can it happen to a position player?  Sure.  I think the most likely scenario would be a situation where there was a great class of players at one position (catcher seems to be a good candidate).  Several Hall of Famers in the group, with one guy lagging a bit behind the othes in terms of quality (a guy elected in the final years of his eligibility).  Make him a guy who starts slow and heats in up in the second half, and he may get overlooked because of lackluster first half stats – especially if there’s one random guy each year who has a torrid start and nabs a spot.

Charlie Sheen

Yesterday, in the midst of the disaster that his life has become, Charlie Sheen demanded a 50% raise, to $3 million per episode, to continue starring in 2 1/2 Men.  I’ve never been one to begrudge entertainers and athletes their millions, but at some point, the producers have to decided whether it’s worth the headache at this point.    As it stands, the show is in end game, as Angus T. Jones (the kid) isn’t getting any younger – he won’t be half a man for many more years.  Perhaps it’s best to pull up stakes and reap the cash cow that is syndication.

Among the many strange comments Sheen has made during this time is his assertion that producer Chuck Lorre uses that name to hid his Jewish ancentry (his given name is Charles Michael Levine).  Apparently, nobody else in Hollywood uses screen names that mask their ancestry.  Good call, Charlie Sheen (given name Carlos Irwin Estevez).

Fact is, Chuck Lorre was a success before he began working with Charlie Sheen and he’ll continue to be a success after their partnership ends.  Can we can we say the same for Sheen?

(OK, time to catch your breath before the flood of Amazon affiliate links begin …)

The Oscars

I hear that the Academy Awards were held the other night.  I get bored to tears by award shows, so I only caught snippets of the broadcast.  I should probably make an effort to watch The King’s Speech at some point.  It seems like the type of flick I would like, in spite of the paucity of serial killers in the movie.  Another movie I wouldn’t mind seeing is Princess Ka’iulani – has anyone seen it?

Avril Lavigne

I generall y don’t get that excited about cd releases, but I am eagerly anticipating Avril Lavigne’s new disc, Goodbye Lullaby, which is due out on March 8.  Although my music tastes run very heavily toward country (Alabama, in particular), I’m also a fan of good music, regardless of genre, from Tchaikovsky to Jimmy Buffett to Bon Jovi.  Despite not being in her target demographic, I’ve been a fan of Lavigne’s since the first time I heard Sk8ter Boi, nearly a decade ago.

You might also want to check out the new country group The Band Perry.  You can find good prices on their disc everywhere (I paid $7.99 for my copy).  I’m a big fan of the song “If I Die Young.”

On the bookshelf

The time I spend writing means that I generally have limited time to read these days.  I finally finished up Jeffery Deaver’s newest Lincoln Rhyme book,  The Burning Wire.  The book features a villain who uses electricity as his weapon.  The book fell a bit short of expectations, but that’s more because of how high the previous books set the bar than a shortcoming of The Burning Wire.

I finally bit the bullet and bought the late Stieg Larsson’s The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, just to see what the fuss was about.  I don’t usually grab the popular books without a good reason, but when Silicon Valley Blogger over at The Digerati Life mentioned the book, I decided it was time to read it, since SVB and I have quite similar interests when it comes to literature and cinema.

I’ve also been attempting to read J.D. Salinger’s classic The Catcher in the Rye.  I really wanted to appreciate it as being a seminal American work, but it’s really not grabbing me.  If I didn’t “know” that the book was a classic, I would have long since abandoned it.

Speaking of abandoned tomes … I have been reading The Fountainhead since 1992 (very slowly).  After a recent restructuring of my library, the book has turned up missing.  If I can’t find it, maybe I’ll buy a new copy in another decade or so …

Tiffany Butler took a moment to consider how lucky she was to be in this situation. At mid-season, her record had stood at a mere 5-10. She had wrestled better in the second half of the season, but had also been the recipient of some good luck. An upset had knocked the top wrestler out during the regional tournament, and she picked up another win when her opponent was forced to forfeit due to injury.

Tiffany’s record for the season was unspectacular 15-16, but she found herself on the mat, getting ready for a state tournament match. She was blazing a new trail for girls everywhere. As the lowest seeded wrestler in the tournament, she had drawn the state’s top 112 pound wrestler as her first round opponent.

Garrett McCormick relished the opportunity to defeat Tiffany. Some guys were reluctant to wrestle a girl. All Garrett saw was an easy victory that would put him one step closer to his third consecutive state championship.

Thirty seconds into the match, Garrett had affirmed his initial thought – he would have no problems controlling Tiffany. He saw opportunities to pin her, but decided to draw things out in order to make the loss more humiliating for her. Garrett toyed with Tiffany for the entire first period before scoring a takedown at the end up the period.

He took the down position in the second period and quickly escaped, running the score to 3-0. They danced around the mat before he scored another takedown. Garrett allowed her to escape a moment later. He could have easily pinned her again, but played catch and release with Tiffany, taking her down four times and allowing her to escape each time.

A quick escape from her down position at the beginning of the third period allowed Tiffany to close the gap to 11-5. Garrett decided to put on a show for the folks in the crowd. He scored seven takedowns in rapid succession, each time allowing his prey to escape – running the score to 25-12. He had to give the girl credit – she had a lot of fight in her. The match would be over in a moment – he needed just one more takedown to force a technical fall.

Garrett glanced up at the crowd and saw his girlfriend in the midst of the mass of humanity. Alycia was zooming her camera in for a shot. Garrett smiled broadly and struck a pose that he knew would look great in the school newspaper.

As he saw the camera flash, he felt himself lose control of his opponent. Before he could fully focus his attention back on the match, Tiffany had complete control of him and he felt his shoulders touching the mat. He struggled in vain to free himself. His dreams of another state title were over – he had been pinned by a girl.

No one thing is grabbing my interest today, so I’ll talk about a lot of stuff.

First of all, the shin is not broken.  The x-rays confirmed it.  Good news, although a deep bone bruise isn’t much fun, either.

A revised version of the Kindle edition of Mountains, Meadows, and Chasms has been released.  I fixed a few small issues that had crept into the book during the Amazon conversion process, and also added the cover art and a clickable table of contents.  I will likely be revising the cover art in the next few days, at which point I’m not going to make any more changes (unless someone finds a serious problem).  If you want to give it a test drive, try the absolutely free “send a sample” functionality.  You’ll get about 10% of the book, at no cost to you.  If you like it, you can buy later.  Buyers can also lend the book to their friends for 14 days, free of charge to the friend.

Don’t have a Kindle?  You can buy one on Amazon for as little as $139 (or as much as $379) or download the Kindle viewer for your Mac, PC, Droid, iPhone, iPad, Blackberry, or Windows 7 phone (download a viewer here).  Personally, I still prefer paper and ink to e-readers … but it’s pretty cool that you can download free Kindle version of classics.  I paid about $50 for my copy of the Riverside Shakespeare when I took English 370 back in the mid 90s (it will set you back almost $90 these days) – you can nab a Kindle version of the complete works of the bard for $2.99 (there are also free versions, but the $2.99 version has good reviews).  For fans of works that are in the public domain, e-readers could be great.  I’ll be covering the whole Kindle authoring experience in another place and time (on another site, in other words).  More details later.

Sadly, there won’t be a print edition at this point.  If I were to use Amazon’s print-on-demand service (CreateSpace), I’d have to set the price in the $15-$20 range (for a paperback) in order th make the same profit I make on the Kindle edition.  That seems too high for a new author.  if you want the non-Kindle format, you can buy it from my store in PDF format (also just $3.49).  You can probably print a copy for less than I’d have to charge for a print edition, if you really want the book on paper.

In the world of sports:

Bryce Harper says that he’s trying to make the Nationals team in Spring Training.  That’s a nice thought, but it’s not going to happen.  Even if the Nats thought the 18 year old was ready, they’re not going to start his free agent clock ticking yet – delaying a call-up until June would keep him under their control for another year.  I really doubt that he gets more than a token call-up this year, though. As good as Harper is, I’m sure there is a lot he needs to learn about the game, especially as he moves to a new defensive position (outfielder).

Fans of the St. Louis Cardinals are holding their breath for news about co-ace Adam Wainwright, who injured his elbow.  While nobody is yet saying that Wainwright is done for the year, GM John Mozeliak said “things do not look encouraging.”  Most often, you’re going to see a GM make a neutral statement when there is a degree of uncertainty about an injury – seeing a negative comments makes me very concerned.

Trevor Bayne won the Daytona 500 last weekend, while Tony Stewart won the Nationwide Series race.  Interesting, neither racer is the points leader.  A new NASCAR rule this year allows drivers to pick up points in just one series.  You can still win races (and money) in any series, but only contend for the title in one series.  The main reason for this was drivers from the top level Sprint Cup dropping down the Nationwide and winning titles.  Even with the change, you’re going to see the stars run Nationwide races – because it gives them more experience with live competition and allows them to gain familiarity with the track.  Cedar Rapids native Landon Cassill pushed Stewart to victory in the Nationwide race.  He finished 3rd in the race and is atop the points race.

In the world of food:

I’m in search of the best canned chili.  I love chili, but it has to be in a relatively thin band of the broad chili spectrum.  Surprisingly, Campbell’s Roadhouse Chili is pretty good (and, oddly, you can buy it on Amazon).  I’m planning to try about a dozen differnt types of chili in my quest to crown a king.

I am making Mountains, Meadows, and Chasms available to the public.  The book contains more than 70 of my short stories – more than 80,000 words.  Most of them have appear on The Soap Boxers, but the book also contains the full versions of The Cell Window, Key Relationships, and Tip of the Iceberg.  This is the largest collection I have released to date.

I’m setting the price at just $3.49 – that’s 5 cents per story.  I hope you get a nickel’s worth of enjoyment out of my stories.

Mountains, Meadows, and Chasms is available in two formats – in PDF format from the Hyrax Publications store and in Kindle format at Amazon.

You can also check out my author page at Amazon

I also chatted with the guys at the Card Corner Radio show last night about the sports card book.  You can listen to it here – I jump in around the 10 minute mark.

	PDF Version
	Kindle Version

On Thursday, Harvey Almorn Updyke, Jr. was arrested on one count of first degree criminal mischief.  His bond was set at $50,000 and Updyke faces up to ten years in prison for his crime.

What was his crime?  Being too much of a fan of the University of Alabama.

Updyke is a die-hard Bama fan, but lives near the campus of the University of Auburn.  In November, he drove to the campus and sprayed some trees in the area known as Toomer’s Corner with the herbicide Spike80DF.  The herbicide, which is use to kill trees, is fatal in conentrations of 100 parts per billion (or 0.1 parts per million).  Tests of the soil around the trees found concentrations ranging from .78 parts per million (7 times the fatal concentration) to 51 parts per million (500 times the fatal concentration).  In other words, the trees will almost certainly die.  I don’t think you need to be a “tree hugger” to be appalled by the wanton destruction of century old trees.

I’m not an Auburn fan, nor much of a follower of the SEC as a whole.  I wasn’t aware of the post-game tradition of fans toilet papering the trees to celebrate wins.  Apparently, it’s a pretty big tradition, and Updyke was trying to kill this tradition by killing the trees.

After Updyke called a Birmingham radio station last month to brag about the stunt, it was only a matter of time before he would be arrested.  He identified himself as “Al from Dadeville.”  Dadeville has around 3000 residents.  I’m sure a handful are even named Al … and maybe a couple of them happen to be Alabama fans in the shadow of the Auburn campus.

Updyke’s court appointed attorney filed a motion to withdraw from the case.  The reason?  Seems that the lawyer had perviously been employed as a part-time professor at Auburn.

I guess Updyke thought he would be hailed as a hero by Alabama supporters.  He certainly doesn’t have the backing of the Bama athletic director.  AD Mal Moore commented, saying that the poisoning was “a terrible thing to do.”  I applaud Moore for publicly denouncing the act, so that there can be no uncertainly whether or not the administration would condone such acts.  Rational people would realize that Alabama wouldn’t condone this, but perhaps Moore’s words stopped one extremist in his or her tracks.  I’m sure a great many Crimson Tide fans put aside their hatred of the Tigers for one day to feel some sympathy for Auburn.

Updyke should have asked himself WWBBD – What Would Bear Bryant Do?  I suspect that Bryant wouldn’t have stooped to vandalism.

Sadly, this sort of thing is not completely unprecedented in sports.  Back in 2002, White Sox fans William Ligue Sr. and his son (William Jr.) attacked a completely defenseless Tom Gamboa, the first base coach for the Royals.  Gamboa suffered permanent hearing loss as a result.  Sadly, the younger Ligue bragged about the incident online later.

And who can forget the knife attack on Monica Seles in 1993 – by a fan of Steffi Graf would hated seeing Graf lose to Seles.  Seles returned from the traumatic attack two years later, but nor at the same level of consistent excellence she had achieved before.

I’m a huge sports fan, and I have intense dislike for a number of teams.  Johnny Goodman knows how much I hate the Nebraska football program.  However, I would never dream of doing something like this.  Sports are great, but in the end, it’s a game.  There are more important things in life.  Ratchet the rhetoric down a bit.