The SoapBoxers

Zack Greinke of the Kansas City Royals is having a great season.  After teasing us with his potential the last few years, he has turned the corner and blossomed into a bona fide, unquestioned ace.  He leads baseball with a 2.14 ERA.  Batters are hitting just .231 against him, with an anemic OPS of .612.  He is second in the American league with 224 strikeouts (in 210 1/3 innings).  He has walked just 44 batters – resulting in a spectacular strikeout : walk ratio of 5:1.  He has also done a nice job of keeping the ball in the park, allowing just 11 home runs this year.

Every pitcher has some bumps in the road during the course of the season.  It is very difficult to spot Greinke’s speed bumps this year.  There are really only  two games that would qualify as “bad” – an August 3^rd matchup with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in which Greinke gave up ten hits and three walks in five innings and a June 5^th game against the Blue Jays in which he gave up seven runs (five earned) and nine hits.  There are only two other games in which he gave up more than three earned runs (including a game in which he allowed three homers, but just four runs).  In Greinke’s other 26 starts, he has allowed three or fewer runs.  Greinke also goes deep into games.  He has pitched at least six innings in 26 of his starts, including nine games in which he has pitched eight or more innings.

In short, when Greinke goes to the mound, the Royals can be very confident that he’s going to go six or more innings and allow three or fewer runs.  This means that Greinke puts them in a strong position to win every time he pitches.

What, then, is the problem?

The problem is the fact that the Royals are not winning.  They have the worst record in the American League, with just 59 wins and 87 losses.  The lack of run support has dragged Greinke’s numbers down.  He has just 14 wins and 8 losses, while also racking up no-decisions in many games during which he has pitched great.  After roaring out to a 10-3 start by June 28, he didn’t pick up his 11^th win until August 8^th.  During his six start winless stretch, he posted a 3.65 ERA with 48 strikeouts in 37 innings pitched – great numbers that should have resulted in a much better record than 0-4.  On a team such as the Yankees, Greinke would likely already have 20 wins in the bank, and would be clearing a spot on his mantle for the inevitable Cy Young award.

Greinke’s win total leaves him three behind AL leader CC Sabathia of the Yankees, although Sabathia has an ERA more than a run higher than Greinke’s.  If Sabathia reaches 20 wins, will the Cy Young voters (sports writers) hand him the Cy Young?  Or will they look behind the traditionally “sexy” statistic of wins and vote for the person who has been the most outstanding pitcher in the American League this year – Zack Greinke?

Cindy fidgeted nervously and applied lip gloss before finally knocking on the door of Professor Craig Rollins. Cindy had taken courses with the esteemed professor before, but always got a bit tingly in the presence of such an iconic academic figure. Dr. Rollins’ work on black holes was the basis of much of the current academic work on the subject.

Dr. Rollins’ head popped up at the sound of the knock.

“Oh … it’s Cindy, right? About your thesis?”

“Yes, Dr. Rollins,” squeaked Cindy. “My advisor, Dr. Miller, thought that you might be able to help me find some resources.”

“Could we possibly discuss this over a sandwich? I’m absolutely famished.”

“Sure, Dr. Rollins. Whatever works for you.”

“Please, call me Craig.”

“OK, Dr. Roll … Craig.”

Dr. Rollins quizzed Cindy on her thesis as they walked toward the student union. The professor seemed genuinely interested in her work. Cindy felt herself blush at the attention she was receiving from a man who was such respected member of her academic field.

Cindy ordered a ham and swiss sandwich, while Dr. Rollins got some sort of monstrosity that reminded her of the sandwiches that Dagwood Bumstead enjoyed eating. The conversation shifted to small talk, as they discussed current events and the weather in between bites of sandwich.

When they finished eat, Cindy explained the difficulty she had encountered when attempting to find research materials for one of the sub-topics of her thesis.

Dr. Rollins furrowed his brow and muttered to himself for a moment.

“I can definitely understand your difficulty, Cindy. There really isn’t much current research in that area. I’d recommend Knack’s work, and Atkins’s book could also be very useful. It’s a niche area, though, so I don’t think either of their books had a very large print run – they are hard to find.”

Cindy frowned at the news that she was likely to encounter further difficulties in her research.

“Oh, no need to worry, Cindy. You certainly won’t find their books at the library, but of course I have a copy in my own library.”
“That’s great news, Dr. Rollins! Could I please borrow the books?”

“Well, I’m actually leaving on a vacation tomorrow, so I wouldn’t be able to bring them in for a couple of weeks.”

Rollins glance down at his watch. “Actually, I have some time now. If you like, we could drop by my house and pick up the books. Maybe some other volumes in my collection would interest you, as well.”

“That sounds great,” gushed Cindy. At long last, she would be able to make progress on her thesis.

The library inside Dr. Rollin’s large Victorian home compared favorably to some municipal libraries Cindy had visited. There were rows upon rows of books on a wide variety of subjects. The largest area was reserved for astronomy, and Cindy naturally gravitated to that section.

“Cindy,” said Dr. Rollins, after a very brief search, “it doesn’t appear that those two books are in the library. I’m going to run up to my study to look for them. Make yourself at home.”

Cindy glanced at the hundreds of astronomy books before focusing on one – the memoirs of Dr. Craig Rollins. Cindy grabbed the book and settled down on one of the library’s couches.

She was looking through photos in the book a few minutes later when Dr. Rollins returned from the second floor with two books in his hand.

“Here they are, Cindy. They were on a shelf in my study. What book do you have there?”

Cindy held the book aloft and watched the professor’s face flush with embarrassment.

“I’m not overly pleased with that book, although there are some great photos. Let me point a few of them out to you.”

Cindy slid over on the coach to make room for Dr. Rollins. Cindy became engrossed in the book as Rollins described the academic work of the scientists who were featured alongside him in some of the book’s photos. She was so focused on the book that she didn’t notice when Dr. Rollins slid his arm around her. When he leaned toward her for a kiss, Cindy broke free from her trance and recoiled.

Cindy slapped Rollins across the face, jumped up from the couch, and raced out of the house.

It seemed that Dr. Rollins would not be any help with her thesis, after all.

I have an interest in true crime, and the result is that I can fairly easily absorb news stories that would make a lot of people queasy.  Every once in a while, however, there is a crime that just grabs my attention and won’t let go.

Currently, this is the story of Yale graduate student Annie Le.  For those of you who have been living under a rock lately, Le disappeared last Tuesday and her body was found on Sunday – ironically, the date of her wedding.  The moment I heard of her disappearance, I feared for the worst.  Initial news reports were holding out hope that she simply had a case of cold feet.  This seemed a bit unlikely, though, because of the fact that she had left belongings – including her purse – behind.  When police were able to identify surveillance video of Le entering a medical research building, but were unable to find video of her leaving the building, it became apparent that Le’s body was somewhere in the building.

There are a few unusual aspects to this case.  I’ll speculate on what I think they might mean.  (Note: I have read online reports, but have not seen much of the television coverage – Hopefully I’m not parroting what some talking heads are saying.)

• Le’s body was found inside a wall in the basement – in a recess where utilities and cables are found.  Leaving the body in the building made it very likely that it would eventually be found, due to the eventual impact of decomposition.  Had the killer originally planned to move Le’s body to another location?  Or was this a spontaneous crime, and the location of her body simply the best available hiding spot at the time?
• Bloody clothes were found in the drop ceiling at another location in the building.  The Yale Daily News has stated that officials told them that the clothes were not what Le was wearing when she entered the building.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that they weren’t Le’s clothes – perhaps she had spare clothes in the building?  Perhaps they belonged to the killer.  Most troubling of all is the possibility that they belong to another victim.
• The medical examiner has said that the cause of Le’s death was strangulation.  Again, this creates confusion with regard to the bloody clothing.  Strangulation is not usually a bloody type of death.  If the blood is indeed Le’s, how did it get on her clothes?  Was there an intense struggle before she was strangled?  Was there torture before her death?

The police have a substantial amount of evidence, as they have 250 pieces of evidence and 700 hours of surveillance video.  I’m assuming the surveillance video is from several locations within the building, as the length of her disappearance was around 100 hours.

Police have issued a body warrant (authorizing taking of DNA sample) and two search warrants for Raymond Clark.  Clark has not been arrested.  Although Clark and others are under surveillance, it is unlikely that an arrest will be made until DNA tests are complete.

I hope that the police are able to quickly bring Annie’s killer to justice, so that she can rest in peace.  My thoughts are with Annie’s family and friends.  By all accounts, it seems that Le was an incredible young woman.  Her death is a great loss to our society.

UPDATE: News reports (CNN.com and others) are circulating this morning saying that there has been a DNA match for Raymond Clark and that an arrest is imminent.

I know what you’re thinking.

“Kosmo – The Lost Symbol has been out for more than a day.  Where’s the review?”

I do indeed have my copy of the book.  I have not yet had the opportunity to read it.  Yesterday was spent getting Direct TV installed, and the next few days will probably be spent in a Direct TV induced coma.  I don’t typically watch much TV at all, but the availability of baseball will be very tempting.  (More on Direct TV in a later article).  However, I plan to finish the book in the next ten days or so, and will publish a review when I’m done.

I do, however, have some initial reactions.

• The book smells really good.  The trees used for the paper were clearly harvested at precisely the correct time.
• When picking up the book, remember to lift with your legs, not your back.  It’s fairly hefty – 509 pages.
• The cover is très chic

Interested in other books by Dan Brown?  Read my author profile (written back in May)

On an unrelated note … I am taking suggestions for Fiction Friday articles.  If you have an idea that you would like to see turned into a short story, let me know (leave a comment below).  While I am perfectly content to keep coming up with my own ideas, I’m also open to the writing about things that are outside of my typical comfort zone.  The ideas can be just a few words, such as “dinosaurs“, “lesbian wedding“, or “attacked by a shark“.  (Note: the links point to stories I have written on those topics).

I can’t guarantee that I will have the time (or interest) to turn every idea into a story, but I will make an effort to use a bunch of the ideas.

I have been kicking around this idea for a while now.  To delve into politics, or not?  Recent developments have resulted in a bit of extra space in the schedule, so I think it’s time to give it a whirl.

And with that, I throw my hat into the ring for the 2012 presidential election.

Oh, sorry.  Wrong announcement.  Pretend that you didn’t hear that one yet.

I will be looking to compile a staff of 3-5 liberals and 3-5 conservative to write about politics.  Each week, I will choose a topic and have one writer from each camp write about the issue (500-1000 words).  The two articles will be published on The Soap Boxers on the same day (Thursday, most likely).  I will alternate which party gets the top spot.

I have put out some feelers, but am still looking for more writers.  What am I looking for, you ask?

• I am looking for someone with their own opinions on the issues, and not people who simply rehash what the talking heads are saying.  Experience working within a political organization or writing about politics is a plus.
• The columnist must be thick skinned.  They should expect to see comments from readers who disagree with them.  The columnists should not engage in verbal attacks with commenters, or with columnists from the opposite viewpoint.  Debating the merits of an issue is one thing; hurling insults and baseless accusations is yet another.
• Writer must be willing and able to write one article each month on an assigned topic.  Since the two opposing views will be published on the same day, it is critical that deadlines are met.
• There will be no up front pay for this work.  There is the potential for profit sharing if/when The Soap Boxers turns a profit.  For those who are interested, I can share more details.

Due to the sheer number of people necessary to get this off the ground, I don’t expect to have The Political Observers operational until at least the end of the month.

While I intend to make every attempt to make The Political Observers a balanced forum, this does not mean that the entirety of the content of The Soap Boxers will be balanced.

Although we will be focusing on politics once a week, The Soap Boxers will not become a political blog and will continue to focus on a broad variety of topics.

Want to learn more about this opportunity?  Send me an email at kosmo@ObservingCasually.com

What did you miss over the weekend?

• Kosmo’s track and field short story, On Track
• Johnny Goodman’s football picks
• Kosmo’s switch from cable internet to DSL

We have decided to make the jump from cable to Direct TV, largely in order to get the sports programming my wife and I want.  We are about 15 miles north of the “home market” for her favorite NFL team, and nearly a thousand miles outside of the market for my favorite baseball team.

I’ll cover the Direct TV aspect at a later date (after we actually have the service).  However, we also switched over from cable internet to DSL (through Qwest).  Today, I’ll cover that.

Ordering

My wife spent 40 minutes on the phone with the phone company.  This was twice the time she spent on the phone with Direct TV.  Considering that we’re an existing phone customer and that she knew precisely what level of DSL we needed, this seemed like an excessive amount of time.

Installation

Since I’m an IT guy, we went with the self-installation.  The box came via UPS and contained the modem, install CD, DSL filters for the phone lines, and a couple of Ethernet cables.  For those who aren’t familiar with DSL, the filters (essentially, a little pass through device for the phone line) are placed on the phone lines that actual telephones are plugged into, to avoid interference with the DSL modem.  Interestingly, our wall mounted phone (which we never use) doesn’t have a wall mounted JACK, so we didn’t need the special wall mounted filter.

The install process wasn’t overly complex, but it was still more steps than necessary.  With the cable company (Mediacom) it had only been necessary to connect to hardware and go to their walled garden to provision the modem.  I also had to set at a Microsoft Live account just to be able to use the outbound (SMTP) mail server.  Again, this hadn’t been necessary with cable, as they authenticated through alternate means.  The mail servers weren’t listed on the instruction sheet, either – I needed to poke around online to determine what they should be.

So, while the installation wasn’t hard, it was slightly annoying, simply because I knew it could have been easier.

The service

The DSL modem actually had a built in wireless router (with 4 wired ports).  However, I decided against using this for a couple of reasons.  First, I really don’t think it’s necessary for the ISP to be able to know how many computers (and what type) are connected.  Second, you actually need to register computers on their web site when you add them to your network.  I didn’t delve into the reason for this (MAC filtering?). I fix other computers often enough that I don’t want to monkey around with adding and removing computers (the fix process often involves connecting to the internet to download several hundred megabytes of system updates).  So I connected my Linksys router to a wired port, and the other computers will continue to connect to that.  I turned off the wireless function on the DSL modem.

Now to the important part – speed.  We chose the 7 mbps plan (options were 1.5, 7, 12, 20).  This seemed roughly comparable to our current plan with cable.  7 mbps (mega bits per second) means that it will take slightly more than 1 second to download a 1 megabyte file (there are 8 bits to a byte).  We don’t put a lot of strain on our bandwidth by downloading huge files, so this will probably be sufficient.

I tested the cable speed on www.speedtest.net before switching to DSL.  The download speed was 7.35 mbps and upload speed was 0.72 mps.  As far as I know, the cable company never actually specified a specific speed – over the years, they gradually bumped the speed without rasing the price.

I tested the speed for the DSL and it came in at 6.1 mbps – about a 17% drop in speed.  (Why aren’t we getting exactly 7 mbps?  Because network overhead and other issue take away from the raw speed of a connection).  Upload speed was around 0.73 mbps.

We’ll watch the download speed a bit to make sure it’s OK and upgrade to 12 mbps if it is not OK.  I think we’ll be OK, as most problems of slowness we encounter seem to be related to overloaded web servers (Facebook, this would be you), and this is not something that can be fixed by having a fast connection.  I was pleased that the upload speed didn’t degrade, as I do upload large chunks of data on occasion.

What next

Once we have Direct TV installed, I’ll write an article about that process.  I’ll also document any billing and technical issues that might arise.

Patrick Sullivan basked in the warmth of the afternoon sun as he prepared for his race.  He performed his typical stretches, preparing for this as if it were just another race.  However, much was at stake in the final race of Patrick’s stellar high school career.  It was true that Patrick’s trophy case was filled with mementos of his accomplishments.  It was, however, missing the crown jewel – a state championship.  Three times he had faced his bitter rival on the brightest stage, and three times Philip Webb had emerged victorious.  Over the course of their careers, Patrick had won a majority of their head-to-head meetings, and he held the state record for the mile.  Head-to-head meetings are quickly forgotten, and records are broken.  A championship is eternal.

The milers gathered near the start line in anticipation of instructions from the official.  At his word, the runners reported to their lanes and readied themselves for the start.

Patrick reacted instantaneously to the sound of the starter’s pistol.  Within 50 meters, he had already made up the stagger on one runner.  He raced around the corner of the track, emerged onto the straightaway as the leader, and was able to cut across to the inside lane easily.  He felt the presence of Webb fall in behind him, content to let Patrick set the pace.

Patrick continued to lead the race until the 400 meter mark, when a cocky young freshman bolted ahead of him and surged into the lead.  Patrick refused to take the bait, and continued his pace.  The younger running built an impressive lead by the time they finished the second lap.  Patrick knew that the kid was setting a pace that could not possibly be sustained, and the rabbit began to show signs of fading as they reached the 1000 meter mark.  By the time the bell rang to signify the final lap, Patrick, Philip, and two other runners had caught the front runner, and observers knew that the rabbit had run out of gas and would end up at the tail end of the pack.

As always, Patrick was beginning to feel a bit of fatigue as they began the last lap.  1200 meters were complete, and the runners needed to reach deep inside them to race the fastest 400 meters of their careers.  In past years, Patrick had tried to lead the entire final lap, only to be out-kicked by Webb down the stretch.  This time, he allowed Webb to pull ahead of him and settled into right behind him, allowing Patrick to take advantage of the lower wind resistance as he drafted behind Webb.

The other runners were unaware that this was a two man duel.  With 250 meters to go, Patrick was still right on Webb’s footsteps, but he felt himself boxed in by the other runners.  He had nowhere to go.  At that point, his familiarity with Webb’s style paid off.  He knew the exact moment when Webb would turn on the afterburners and begin his final kick.  Patrick planned to surge forward and then cut to the right at the precise moment that Webb would begin his kick.  If Patrick surged too early, he would run up Webb’s back and take them both out of the race.

Four years of racing against Philip Webb had trained him for this moment, and he timed it perfectly.  Webb bolted forward with Patrick on his heels, separating slightly from the other two runners.  Patrick veered sharply to the right and accelerated until he was dead even with Webb.

The two runners approached the finish line side by side, achieving maximum velocity as they strode for the tape.  The naked eye would deem it a tie, and the cameras would be hard pressed to pick the winner.  Patrick Sullivan felt the slight bit of resistance as his body broke through the tape.

As we stand on the cusp of the Iowa State – Iowa football game this Saturday, I am once again reminded of my unintentionally contrarian nature. During my childhood, I was a fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes, the university that is by far the most popular in the state. When I was 17, I made the decision to attend the rival university in Ames – a decision that was based solely on academic reputation.

At that point, I also switched sports allegiances, and now cheer for Iowa State. After a 15 year losing streak to the Hawkeyes, the Cyclones have held their own in recent years, winning six of the last ten games in the series (and putting up serious fights in some of the losses), including the only regular season blemish on the record of the 2002 Hawkeyes (hah!). A win this Saturday will be great, but no longer is a win against Iowa a season defining moment – instead, it is one more entry in the W column as we march toward bowl eligibility under new coach Paul Rhoads. Quite honestly, a win against Nebraska is twice as important – because it is a conference game.

Staying on the topic of sports, my choice of baseball teams is a bit unusual as well. I’m an Iowa native. The state doesn’t have a major league team, but the Cubs have a substantial following in the state. The Cardinals and White Sox also have large fan bases, followed by a smattering of Twins and Royals fans. The Rockies have, by my count, five fans in the entire state.

For that matter, my sports preferences are also a bit atypical. In an era where the NFL and NASCAR reign supreme, my favorite sports are baseball, luge, and track. At one point, I followed the NBA, mostly because of a player with the initials MJ who wore the numbers 2 and 3 on his jersey. Yep – the “other” MJ – #32, Magic Johnson.

It’s probably a good thing that I wasn’t a fan of Jordan. Otherwise, it might be difficult to explain why I dislike Nikes, and swear by Adidas shoes instead.

My contrarian instincts follow me outside the world of sports as well. In a world dominated by Windows, I have used Apple computers for a quarter century. I happily use a wide variety of web browsers – as long as they are not produced by Microsoft.

Surely food is a sacred area? Nope. I am one of seven people in the entire country who do not consider McDonald’s fries to be “the greatest thing since sliced bread”. I prefer Hardees curly fries, or even Burger King onion rings. In fact, my choice of Hardees as my favorite burger joint is a bit unusual. Of course, until it left town a few years ago, B-Bops was at the top of my list.

It doesn’t get any less contrarian if I eat at home. While I often drink Pepsi due to availability, my favorite soft drink is RC. If I’m going to have a frozen pizza, I will eschew popular brands such as Tombstone and Red Baron for my favorite – Totino’s. Not only is Totino’s one of the few brands that doesn’t trigger my acid reflux, but it has a nice crispy crust – because, of course, I dislike thick crust.

But at least I’m conventional in my choice of salty snacks. Pringles are pretty popular.

Of course, I push aside the regular Pringles in favor of the reduced fat. Is this a health-based decision? Of course not. I actually prefer the flavor …

When I was a senior in college, I applied for a lot of jobs.

The College of Business at Iowa State would publish a list of companies that would be interviewing on campus each week, along with a job description. There was a set of numbered bins (or perhaps they were boxes) that corresponded to each job. If you were interested in a job, you left a resume and cover letter in the bin. The company would sift through the applicants and decide whom they wanted to interview on campus. If that interview went well, the company would have you interview at their site.

Every week, I diligently dropped off resumes. I had some interviews, but not job offers.

One week, I printed off my resumes in a computer lab at the far end of campus (where I worked) and trudged through rain to the other end of campus to submit them. I began dropping resumes into bins and noticed that I was missing one resume.

I had a dilemma on my hands. It was Friday afternoon, it was raining, and I was very close to my apartment. The only current copy of my resume was in the computer lab on the other side of campus. I could just say “good enough”, since I had applied for several other positions that week. Or I could trudge back across campus, print the resume, and then retrace my steps in order to apply for the one additional job. This would delay my weekend and result in me getting even more wet.

I decided to give the extra effort. I got soaked in the rain and I was late getting home, but I slept easier that night.

I received a total of one job offer that year.

Yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking. I crossed campus twice in the rain to make sure that I applied for that one extra job – and that’s the job I’ve landed. I’ve worked for the company for twelve years now.

Remember this story the next time you’re tempted to cut a few corners.

What did you miss over the weekend?

• Peter Rabbit gave a recap of the Six Day War on Friday.
• Also on Friday, Johnny Goodman makes his NCAA football picks for week 1.
• On Saturday, Cheri Nobel reviewed World Wide Open, the new debut CD of the group Love and Theft.

If there is one group of people I despise more than the telemarketers who try to sell me a car warranty over the phone, it’s the mall kiosk people who stalk me to the edge of the mall walkways. I’m typically a pretty polite person – but being harassed by mall pests trying to sell me overpriced crap makes me feel a bit rude.

As an aid to those of you who are also annoyed by the kiosk stalkers, I have created this convenient list of ways to fight back. Most of these tactics are geared toward having the kiosklings avoid you in the future. [Note: some of these tactics are of questionable legality. We assume no liability for their use.]

1. Ask embarrassing questions. If they are selling lotion, you might ask “Isn’t this the lotion that gave Aunt Mary that nasty rash?” or “Didn’t the FDA recall this stuff last week?” “Wasn’t your CEO involved in that Ponzi scheme?” is a good fit for a variety of business. Not only will these questions annoy the kioskamarketer, they might scare away a few actual customers.
2. Trapped. As you see the kioskers attempt to stalk you, give the secret signal and have a group of your friends surround the kioskers in a tight formation, allowing minimal personal space.
3. The enemy of my enemy. If the kiosk has a phone number, sign up for a bunch of giveaways (Win a Free Cruise!) and use the kiosk’s phone numbers. You’ve essentially added them to the “do call” list.  Failing that, sign them up for a bunch of junk mail.
4. Too many customers. You have hundreds of friends on Facebook, right? Have all of them show up at the kiosk at the same time. Browse the merchandise, ask questions, even form a blockade around the kiosk. Make every attempt to keep the kioskers occupied in order to protect the general public.
5. Turn ‘em in. Aggressive behavior is often a violation of the kiosk’s lease with the mall. Threaten to contact the mall office, and follow through.
6. Why doesn’t … Ask the probing question – “Have you ever wondered why [name of high end store] doesn’t stalk their customers? Probably because they don’t sell crap.”
7. Competitor. Walk up to the kiosk with a notebook in one hand and a tape measure in the other. Start taking notes about all of the products, and take measurements of the kiosk. When the employees ask what you are doing, tell them that you are planning to launch a competing business twenty feet away.
8. Turn the tables. Instead of having them zoom in their sites on you and track you down, sneak up on THEM and turn the hunter into the hunted. Try to sell them your time share property or get them involved in a multi-level marketing scheme.
9. Go “double maverick” on them. Spread fake vomit around the kiosk’s area. Put up “crime scene” tape. Bring your garbage bags from home and leave them in the kiosk area. Organize a marbles tournament on the floor. Talk about alien abductions. Put up signs that say “Danger! Land Mines!” In general, make them think you’re a little nutty.
10. Chemical warfare. Store up a nice dose of body odor. Spend a lot of time at the kiosk, sharing your aroma with the employees.