The SoapBoxers

Deadlines can be exceptionally useful, and frustrating.  Useful in that they give you a goal, something to aim for.  Without deadlines, many tasks simply would not get done.  Frustrating in that if you allow you deadline to creep up on you, your effort may not be of the highest caliber.

I establish a deadline for my Ramblings of Friday of each week.  I have not met that deadline for several weeks.  Instead, I am pounding away at the keys late Sunday night as my wife sleeps, hoping to put out something coherent for Kosmo before he heads to work on Monday morning.  I believe I have been successful, but also believe that my best work has been when I am inspired and complete my efforts at a more casual pace.  Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy participating in The Soap Boxers.  I have to be more organized to maintain a writing program to meet my commitments.

I found that deadlines really helped when I participated in the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo.org) last November.  Simply setting numbers of words or chapters helped because it let me know how far ahead or behind I was from my plan.  I succeeded in producing my very first novel.  I am currently working on my second, choosing a completely different genre (the first was a romance, now I am working on a science fiction piece).  This second effort is much harder for two reasons; I have no driving deadline like I did for the first effort, and I have changed jobs which has required significantly more time at the office.

My solution to my writing shortfall is to set deadlines.  Just as in our work situations, deadlines, even if artificial, drive work.  At my work, I have to report on financial progress every week to my direct management.  This effort is to make sure I am ready for a monthly report to a higher level.  Everyone I am talking to already knows what I am going to say, but the constant rehearsal prevents slipping and not being ready for the bigger report.

I am even setting deadlines for chores around the house.  We have to have the vegetable garden planted on Mother’s Day weekend.  Here in Iowa, earlier than that could be a loss of crop due to frost; later, there is not enough time to get some items to maturity.  Now this is an artificial deadline, since we are not good gardeners.  If we get 20 tomatoes out of our 5 plants we get excited.  Whether we do or not, a trip to the farmer’s market at the end of the season gets 20 pounds of tomatoes to freeze and have all winter.

Deadlines for spring cleaning; got the garage done but still working on the basement.  Deadlines for house repair; can’t afford the new windows so starting on wallpaper removal in the formal dining room.  And finally, I am setting deadlines to actually write.  Both for the Casual Observer and for myself.  If you every truly want to be a writer, you are going to have to deal with deadlines.  It is far better to establish them yourself than have them levied against you, they you only have yourself to blame if you miss them.

On a personal note, for any of you who have been following my Ramblings on aging parents the following is a synopsis of the conditions of the people I have referenced.

My father has gotten through his knee surgery just fine and started physical therapy.  He will be using a walker for a while, but should graduate to a cane and hopefully no walking aid within a year.  He will be 80 in October.

My uncle is home from his triply by-pass surgery.  He is 75 and stronger now than he has been in several years.  The surgery has relieved the physical problems.  Sadly my aunt died last year after struggling with Parkinson’s and Emphysema.  No longer having to provide daily care and slowly overcoming his grief has helped his emotional health as well.

My other aunt is still in the hospital after her hip replacement surgery.  She is not doing well.  She is 74 and only retired from working in a box factory two years ago.  Her strength is very low after losing a lot of blood.  Her body seems to be rejecting the titanium bolts that are typically used for this operation.  She can use all of your prayers.

Thank you all for your interest.

Several weeks ago, I published an article about dealing with aging parents. In that article, I discussed treating parents with respect and understanding. In that article, I discussed the limitations that my parents are living with and there plans to move into a smaller home. Thankfully, they have found a location closer to my bother and sister (about 2 miles and 3 blocks respectively).

Now comes the paragraph of frustrations. I am not in a position to help my parents as they prepare to move. I live in another state, just under 1100 miles away. My bother, sister, brother in law, niece and nephew are performing all of the support effort. This lack of participation is frustrating to me, it highlights my feeling a not supporting my parents as they age.

I have made a habit of calling my parents every Sunday night, when I am sure that they have stopped working for the day. It was during these calls that I learned that there are many more problems with aging than I or my parents have had to negotiate. My uncle has recently been hospitalized to have bypass surgery. Next, my aunt had hip replacement surgery. Then the kicker, as I said my parents are planning on moving, and now my father is having knee replacement surgery.

So, what am I doing to deal with this frustration? First, I am offering any help they want from a distance. What they appear to want (remember I have recommended listening and doing what they want) is to stay with me while their new house is being built. This is fine, but does actually put more pressure on my brother. You see, while they are with me, he will be responsible for making sure the house turns out the way they want it. So I am smiling, I get the easier task.

My house is not built for elderly people. There are stairs everywhere. There is a step into the family room, there are steps ate every door out of the house. The laundry is in the basement, the bathtub and shower are on the second floor. There will be some inconveniences. We will convert the dining room into a bed room, to avoid most of those stairs. My mother will have to wait until someone is home to help her get up and down the stairs for her shower, this will fall on my wife or daughter so they can help her get into and out of the shower itself.

With what I have experienced so far, I have learned a lot about what I have to do to prepare for my own old age. My wife and I are already looking at elderly friendly housing as our next home (after all of the kids have moved out). We originally thought we were shopping to care for our parents, but we are actually shopping for ourselves. I have also learned that it is possible to live by the advise I gave in the original article. I am listening to what my parents want. I am tempering my disappointment when they do not take my advice. I am not using my children to get them to do things I want them to do.

Enjoy life and enjoy your time with your loved ones.

Another Easter has come and gone. For Christians, this is an especially important holiday. It is the culmination of all of the teachings of the Christian churches. As a Roman Catholic and as a Boy Scout leader, Easter has significance that many may not know or understand. You may think, what has Boy Scouts got to do with Easter? That is actually the simplest question to answer. Boy Scout troops are under an obligation to assist and participate in sponsoring organization activities. If a troop is sponsored by a VFW , they are expected to assist in the placement of flags on the graves of veterans on Memorial day, Flag day, and Veteran’s day and participate in activities for the various services’ birthdays / anniversaries, Armed Forces Day and Patriot day. The troop which I serve is sponsored by the School attached to my church, a Roman Catholic Church. We support the church carnival, fall clean up, spring spruce up, decorating for holidays and supporting the Easter service.

What is involved in the Easter service at our church is slightly more difficult to explain. In the Catholic Church, any items bless for the use in any or our rites must be disposed of properly. Liquids such as holy water should not be put down the drain to be mixed with common waste, instead it should be spread in a garden or poured on a plant. The Catholic Church as many rites, and many items used to perform those rites. Some of these items are as common as prayer slips (little slips of paper people write names on for private prays) or more specialized like the chrism (anointing oil) which is used for Baptism, anointing of the sick and other activities.

On the Easter Vigil (Saturday night before Easter from sun down to midnight in some parishes), the items that can be burned are consumed in what is called a new fire. This is a fire build not by using a flame from the existing flame (a candle that is kept continuously burning from Easter to the following Easter Vigil, but made from a new fire. The Boy Scout troop at our church is responsible for building that fire and keeping vigil until the Priest burns the left over oil (it is olive oil, so you can’t really keep it more that a year even if it is blessed), the cotton balls used to anoint, the prayer slip and anything else he has to burn.

This fire is quite dramatic. The boys have a good fire going before the Priest arrives, then he throws oil on it! From that fire, a new Easter Candle is lit, an incense coal is started and the parishioners head into the church for three hours of readings, prayer and song. The boys stand by the fire until it has burned down, quench the flames with water and gather the ashes to spread in the forest behind the church on Monday night.

Not all churches have this participation service, but all Catholic Churches dispose of certain items in the flames. Our church does not have a permanent fire pit, the boys construct one in the hours that lead up to the ceremony, and tear it down when they are done. When they leave, there is no evidence a fire was ever there. For the engineers and boy scouts in our audience, this fire pit is built in the following way: 4×4 piece of plywood laid on the ground, 16 paver ties on top of the plywood, 120 paver stones in a stacked circle about 3 feet high, 3-5 gallon buckets of sand poured in as a base. The sand and ashes are gathered in 5-5 gallon bucket which are filled with water as well to make sure the fire is completely out, and we wait until Monday to spread them in the forest for additional safety.

Easter is really one of the nicer holidays. Sure there is a lot of hype, and other holidays are nice too. I am partial to Easter because it marks the true beginning of spring. I hope that all of you had a good Easter, and for those who are not Christians, I hope that you are having a great spring.

Over the last few weeks, I have written several articles about dealing with everyday problems, from dealing with aging parents to dealing with aging yourself. This week I will discuss dealing with college students. My eldest son is a freshman in college, therefore he knows everything about everything. His biggest desire right now is to NOT live in the dormitory next year. The primary reason for this is the lack of privacy. Sharing a bathroom is bad enough, but having a common hall with people who are not quite as interested in study or sleep as he is, has caused him much distress.

He has been hunting for apartments to move into with his current roommate, a friend from high school. Although we support this effort (the proposed drop in food costs alone is encouraging), he, being the all knowing college student, has refused to listen to any sage advice from his parents. We must remember that from a college student’s point of view, no one has ever thought of anything before. No one has ever had the great idea of finding his own apartment, no one has every figured out all of the problems of the world, and most importantly, no one has ever discovered sex.

Luckily, he is only telling me about the apartment. The apartment search has revealed several very interesting misunderstandings, the most exciting of which was the idea that if you roommate decides to scamper, the landlord will find you a new roommate. It took quite a while to make him understand that the landlord does not care about your problems, pay the rent or get out. He was also unaware that some of the apartments are in no way associated with the university. This little tidbit was a shocking revelation, that a landlord could care less about your career at college, again pay your rent or get out.

The cost of an apartment was also a revelation, to think that the Neanderthals that are your parents might have known something about that, to bad they didn’t tell you before you went looking. Their plaintive comments that they had told you are just attempts to hide how backward they are. Parents also seem to think that just because they went to college, they might know some of the problems the new college student is facing. How could that possibly be true, no one has ever experienced this before.

Well, that is enough mocking for one night. He is listening, albeit late. He will continue searching, and with luck, he will not sign anything until his mother or I get there to read the fine print. Good luck with your own children as you try to send them off into the world

I have been travelling a lot recently.  Four hour plane rides every other week for five months, spending two week out of every three on the road for a 45 year old man is stressful.  This has caused several problems, not just the emotional strain of separation form my wife and children.  First there is the weight gain from eating at restaurants.  In my case, I gained almost 10% (more than 20 lbs).  Second there is the discomfort of actual plane travel in smaller planes (MD-80 aircraft are a bit short for my six foot stature).   Third there are the long hours in front of a computer at the remote site, I have nothing else to do but go to the hotel and watch TV (I’m not much of a club hopper).  The combined result is exceptional back pain.

I have taken the opportunity provided by my employer to receive physical therapy.  I cannot compliment the physical therapists enough.  This is not a therapeutic massage, nor is it chiropractic therapy.  The physical therapist determines the cause of the pain, this includes pressure and some massage.  The main effort of the physical therapist is train the patient in stretches and exercise, including just learning how to stand up from a reclined or seated position.  It is two stages; avoid the pain in the first place, then train not to create the painful situation again.

In my case, I apparently have overstressed one side of one vertebra.  The result is the need to stretch in a specific direction.  I also have a ‘closed chest’, meaning that I slouch with my shoulders forward and down due to my poor posture in front of the computer.  The result of this is a need to ‘open’ with both stretched and poster improvement.  The final straw, and what has caused the most pain, is a straightened upper back from the extra weight that I am carrying.  The result of this is the obvious need to loose the weight. 

I am lucky, in that most of my long term travel is over.  So, I have a chance of recovering if I follow the rules that the therapists have established.  Regardless of my travel plans, I intend to follow these rules, if nothing else, to avoid the pain.  I found that I had immediate relief at the therapist, but needed additional sessions to improve my technique for relief at home.  I have also found that most of the exercises are things I can do at work, on the road or at home.

I know that many of you have experienced back pain, from injury, bad habits, or just overwork.  You know how bad it is to not be able to get out of a chair or get out of bed.  I know many swear by chiropractors, but I have a sister in law who is a doctor and who would have a fit if I were to visit one.  Others trust in message therapy.  I am uncomfortable being massaged by any woman other than my wife.  This may be petty, but it is fact.  I you have need, or your other options are not working, I would recommend seeing a physical therapist.  Seeing them is important, but what is more important is following their instructions.

Many of us have parents in their golden years, men and women who lived through World War II and the Korean conflict.  Their goals in life were to work hard and raise children.  They wanted us to have a better and easier life than they had.  For the most part they succeeded.   My generation (40 to 50 year olds) is better educated, has better medical care, experienced less war and upheld a better standards of living than our parents could have dreamed of.

Now they are older, and we as caring children want to do our part to help them.  It is not easy.  Most of our parents are still very independent, even when knocked down a bit with disease, injury or just plain degradation of capabilities due to aging such as sight, hearing and mobility.  We can offer and are usually rejected.  It is their responsibility to help us not the other way around.  That is how it has always been, and that is the way it always will be.  But we all know that it cannot be forever.

As a personal example, my mother is a two time cancer survivor; breast and uterine.  She also suffers for Parkinson’s disease and has a calcium deposit on her brain from a childhood injury.  My father has broken his back twice and has had a medication induced stroke.  They live in a large house with my brother and sister about 45 minutes to an hour away.  I live in another state.  My dad does his best caring for my mom, but he has his limitations.

I have suggested on several occasions, that they could move close to me and I could take care of them.  My kids are slowly heading off to college and their own lives, so my wife and I have the capability to help. This was a cruel suggestion.  It was not meant to be, it was made with all of the best intensions.  I was suggesting that they could not make it on their own, and I was suggesting that they uproot from everything they know.  I could claim that they did that to me as a child, we moved several times for my father’s work, but half of my life was only 4 years, half of theirs is 40 years.

I justified to myself that moving them close to me was not selfish.  My state has better health care, less crime, less traffic and a better social network for older people.  Besides all of that, my dad moved his mother near to him, but that was when she was alone when his father died (he is an only child). It still did not matter.  They have their own lives.  Just as I do not want them telling me what to do, now that I am an adult, they want the same treatment from me.

I am relieved that my brother and sister are near enough to help.  I want to do more, and visit them when ever I can.  I like to think that my suggestions will help, now that I am learning how to think of their desires as well as their needs before thinking that I can come up with the best solution.

Although my parents will never move to be close to me, they are moving into a smaller, handicap friendly house.  This should make it easier on my dad, and make my mom more comfortable.  I can joke that it is actually 2 miles closer to me.  The lesson in all of this is communication and love.  Talk to your parents, find out what they want from you rather than putting your desires or judgments on their laps.  Know that they will not accept your offers, but also know that they love you as much as you love them.

It is hard to look at your parents and realize that they may not get to see your grand children.  I have thought about this on several occasions.  I was lucky enough to have a great grand mother alive until I was a teenager.  I did not realize the treasure that I had until long after she was gone.  Many of my friends never got to see their grand parents, much less great grand parents.

It is also hard to look at yourself and see that you are growing old as well.  You can look at where your parents were at your age, and consider all of the gifts they have provided.  Consider also how you are going to react when you own children start looking for a home for you.  I hope that my generation can emulate the strength and independence that our parents still have.  Until that day, I will continue to work hard to care and provide for my own children, and watch for opportunities to reach out to my parents.

Last week, I complained about scare tactics used by local governments during tax and budget planning.  This week I am going to complain about organizations misleading people with good intentions into donating money.

First, I want to point out that I encourage people to donate to their chosen causes, and donate generously.  Whether it is something as grand as feeding the people of Africa, timely like adding the people of Haiti, or as local as saving an historic building, all charity has value.  My complaint is purposefully misleading advertisements, naming or fear mongering to obtain money.

The best example of this is the Humane Society of the United States (http://www.humanesociety.org/).  At first glance or from their dramatic commercials, you would believe that these are the same people who run you local animal shelter.  This is not the case.  The HSUS is actually a subsidiary of PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (http://www.peta.org/).  Nowhere on their web site does the HSUS admit its association with PETA, nor their independence from local societies.  Local Humane Societies (including SPCA, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) have suffered greatly from the divergence of charitable donations to this national organization.  I am not saying that the HSUS is not a worthy organization, it is just that it has different goals than your local Humane Society and the money may not be used in your community.

The HSUS and your local Humane Society are also not affiliated with the American Humane Association (http://www.americanhumane.org/).  They are at least a lot clearer in defining who they are, or more precisely, who they are not.  To take directly from their web site:

…And Who We Are Not

Dedicated to protecting both children and animals, American Humane is not affiliated with the Humane Society of the United States, an organization that primarily uses litigation and legislation to promote animal rights. Nor is American Humane a parent organization of local “humane societies” and SPCAs, which are locally based, independent agencies that operate animal shelters and provide animal care and control services to their communities. However, many of those agencies are member organizations of American Humane. As such, they benefit from our trainings, informational and funding resources, and national programs that increase the abilities, knowledge and effectiveness of their organizations and staff.

It is interesting and disturbing to me that some so called charitable organizations are nothing more than law suit generators.  I remember when PETA sued a group called People Eating Tasty Animals for having the web site PETA.com.  The result of that law suite was that the meat eating group lost their right to advertise because it was misleading.  At the same time, PETA created the HSUS, using the Humane Society name that has been so recognized for local efforts.  I personally believe that the intent was to capitalize on that name recognition to gather more funding.  Although this is not illegal, it is misleading, and many people with good intentions have inadvertently support a militant and aggressive national group when they believed they were supporting a local effort.

All I ask is that you do some research before sending your check.  I want to reiterate that I do not think any charitable group is bad.  If you truly believe that you can save an abused animal by enacting yet anther law or suing yet another business, then by all means support PETA and the HSUS.  If you are trying to save the animals you saw being taken from an abusive situation on you evening news, find the local group that is taking on that effort.  When you donate to a large national or international group, you need to know what that money could be used for.  PETA and HSUS have active campaigns to force corporations to stop the use of all animal products with the stated goal of making vegetarianism the standard for all people.  This is in addition to their efforts to stop the use of animals for painful and questionable research, most notably in the cosmetic industry.  Other groups have much narrower goals and tasks.

The bait and switch that I am concerned with here can only work with an uneducated or lazy audience.  You can avoid funding things you don’t like by taking the time to research any organization you think you want to support.  I personally believe that you can make the biggest impact in the world by starting in your own community.

What I am sick and tired of is the budget and tax debates that we have to go through every year. It doesn’t matter whether we are talking city, state or national politics. Whenever there is not enough money in the budget to cover every program, the only proposed cuts are in essential services (i.e. police, fire, military). The only solution is raising tax rates, not cutting other services or programs. What else is in the budget? Are all of the other line items in the city charter or in the state or federal constitution?

As an example, my state established a special levy tax to cover a shortfall in the roads budget. Okay, a specific tax for a specific purpose. This year, our governor wants to divert some of the money brought in by this special levy to pay for the state patrol. This was an interesting bait and switch. What in the over all budget is more important than funding the state patrol? I have actually requested a copy of the proposed budget, and I was informed that it would not be available until it was passed into law. A bit late I think!

I am not a member of the Tea Party, so I am not asking for tax cuts. I am not a libertarian, so I am not asking for the elimination of taxes either. There are legitimate reasons to have taxes and to raise those taxes. I am fiscally conservative. Just like in my own finances, if the money is not there, do not spend it. If I cannot afford something, I can not go to my boss and tell him I need a higher salary. Actually, I can, but I do not have the authority to force him to give it to me. If on the other hand, I offer to perform some additional service or make additional product, he will probably compensate me for that additional effort. So it should be with taxes.

We have basic taxes to fund necessary government functions. Any other activities that are desired by the community should come with a funding source so that the boss (tax payers) can decide if that activity is worth funding. Whether that is new taxes or some fee schedule would have to be decided at the time of implementation of the program. This is not an evaluation of the value of any specific program. There are things that have to be funded, but many of the activities that are in different public budgets are designed to “encourage” or “develop”. Although these programs may be good to have for the community, they are by definition non-essential. If the people want the program, they will accept a tax hike or fee. If that funding is insufficient, then the true costs will be exposed and the value of the program can be reviewed.

I really don’t have a problem with attaching each program, even the basic stuff, to specific taxes. If 2% is good enough to cover the fire department of a community of 1,000 people, the efficiencies of scale should make it good enough for a community of 100,000. This example is of course completely arbitrary, I have no idea what an actual tax rate against what commodity (land, property, income, sales) is necessary to fund a fire department. This may result in the reduction of activities supporting local parks or loss of the subsidy for sheep in South Dakota for wool army uniforms (not used since WWI), but it will make tax and budget discussions less divisive. All I am really asking for is transparency and an elimination of the scare tactics used to get tax hikes

All I have to say about Luge is “Holy Crap”. Imagine going down an ice slope on a sled, on your back, feet first, reaching speeds of 90 miles per hour. You steer with your toes, lift your head just a bit to see where you are going. You stop by sitting up and lifting the front of the sled. Olympic Luge is safe, even considering the tragedy of February 12. The course is banked, with side barriers and straw bails in case of accident. There is an uphill run at the end to help the lugers stop. This year they moved the men’s start line down to the women’s start line. This actually reduced the top speed!

The luge should not be confused with the skeleton, which is a head first sled ride down the same ice slope. Still cool, but just not quite as cool as the luge. Maybe it is the name or just the fact that the skeleton positions is what I use when sledding.

I like the Luge on several levels. First, the athletes are not just kids. Their ages range from 18 to 40. Second, a little extra weight is a good thing. Momentum is the name of the game, the extra weight allows the luger to overcome any friction that the course provides. And third, you get more than one chance. There are at least 3 runs that are considered for the medals. The luger is all alone on the course, just man against hill. Spectators get just a split second of the race, like sitting on the shoulder of the interstate and watching a car go by.

I guess it is the speed that grabs my attention. I like bobsled and speed skating as well. The bobsled run looks a lot like the luge, but it is different. They share the same track, but two man and four man (and woman) bobsled are different from luge because they are team efforts.

Speed skating is just so elegant. With up to six skaters on the short track and two competitors on the long track, they seem to be dancing as they round the course. You are competing directly for advancement until the final run when medals are awarded. Skating you have to compete with other racers as well as the course. The slightest bump can be disastrous for you chances (the sides of the rink are padded to keep the skaters from getting hurt). The only danger of injury is the skates themselves. Speed skating skates are extremely sharp, to dig into the ice for turns. I have never seen an accident involving that kind of injury, and I hope I never do.

All of these sports epitomize the ideal of the Olympics. All can compete; men, women, young and old. They also help to break the monotony of winter as we move through February. Depending on where you live, February can be very depressing. In the north, it is the lack of sun, in the south, the dreary cold and rainy (this year snowy) days. The kids are in the middle of the school year, and the whole family is months away from a vacation. Yes, the Winter Olympics are a great thing.

Image via Wikipedia

I stumbled across a short piece written by Abraham Lincoln which was not published until after his death. I find his skill at presenting a complete idea in such a concise manor to be both daunting and refreshing. It is daunting because it is timeless and so much better than anything I have ever written. It is refreshing because it outlines his feelings, beliefs and concerns without resorting to accusation or derogatory sentiment.

Meditation on the Divine Will
Abraham Lincoln

The will of God prevails. In great contests each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time. In the present … war it is quite possible that God’s purpose is something different from the purpose of either party; and yet the human instrumentalities, working just as they do, are of the best adaptation to effect His purpose. I am almost ready to say that this probably true; that God wills this contest, and wills that it shall not end yet. By His mere great power on the minds of the now contestants, He could have either saved or destroyed … without a human contest. Yet the contest began. And, having begun, He could give the final victory to either side any day. Yet the contest proceeds.

I have modified the Presidents statement just slightly. I have removed the word ‘civil’ fifth sentence and the words ‘the Union’ seventh sentence. I feel that this brief statement expresses both a sincere desire to do what is right, while facing the horrors of war. Although I am not a pacifist, I too dream of a world where war does not exist. What is most impressive about this meditation is that it was apparently written as an inspiration late in the evening after returning from the Gettysburg battlefield. It is a single draft, in ink with no edits, intended only for himself.

The only way to be this good at writing is continuous practice. If you write everything you think, concentrating on message, your ability will increase. I cannot promise the genius of the best writer through history, but I can promise better writing than before you practiced.

KEEP WRITING