The SoapBoxers

I bought a board game at a local secondhand store last night.  The box was taped shut.  It seemed a bit thicker than it should have been, but I assumed that contents had just shifted.

Nope.

I just opened it.  Inside the box, on top of the actual game contents, were 17 sealed envelopes from student loan lenders (and the Department of Education).

In an age in which people go to great lengths to protect their indentity, someone handed a gold mine to potential indentity thieves.

Oops!

Today, I will channel my inner Rachel Ray.

How am I like Rachel Ray?  Let’s count the ways:

• Am I a perky brunette with her own TV show?  No, not exactly.
• Am I a savvy businesswoman with a profitable line of cooking equipment for sale in many fine stores?  No, not exactly.
• Do I feature a star studded lineup of guest stars?  Hey, that’s debatable, with my stellar columnists and guest writers.
• Do I have a recipe to share?  Ooh, ohh, definitely.

Today’s recipe is one that I utlilize a lot during lent.  As a Catholic who is allergic to shellfish and dislikes the taste of other oceanic creatures, I don’t have a lot of things to choose from.  I did learn at an early age what a friend we have in cheeses.

Biscuit Pizzas

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees
2. Take one can of Pillsbury buttermilk biscuits (blue can).  Flatten the biscuits on a cookie sheet (you should have 10 flat biscuits at this point, not one big one)
3. Cover the biscuits with pizza sauce.  My personal preference is Contadina in the squeeze bottle – a good balance of taste, economy, and convenience.
4. Top the biscuits with shredded cheese.  My pereference it to put mozzarella on half and sharp cheddar on the other half.
5. Put the biscuits in the oven for 10 minutes.  You may need to tweak this based on personal perference.  10 minutes should get the biscuits nicely browned on the bottom.

Enjoy!

It was 11:18 PM when the refrigerator door closed for the final time. The occupants of the fridge waited 15 more minutes, just to make sure. Then they finally started to unwind.

“Man,” said Leftover Pizza, “I really thought I was a goner. She was eating my slices pretty fast. At least there’s still a little chunk of me left in here.”

“Eh, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be,” replied Orange. “I’ve been in here for three months. It’s always too cold and the lights are always off. Plus, Limburger has horrible BO that fills the entire fridge.”

“Speak for yourself,” shot back Limburger. “I’m not so sure that you’re not the cause of a lot of the smell. You’ve got mold spots that are older than me.”

“Hey guys, cool it,” said Cucumber. Cucumber was unflappable and served as the referee for these battles. “Limburger, stay in the dairy section. Orange, stay in the produce drawer. No more trash talk, guys.”

“Yeah,” piped up Ketchup. “Some of us are trying to get to sleep.”

“Man,” piped up Eggs “you are no fun at all, Mr. Ketchup. Not even midnight yet and you’re already going to sleep. We have a short life span, we need to party as much as we can!”

“Oh Yeah!” said the Kool-Aid pitcher. “Time for a party. Who brought the tunes?”

“There are no tunes, you numbskull,” retorted Fresca. “Just the incessant sound of that stupid compressor. Day after day, night after night, year after year.”

“The rest of us should be as lucky as you, Fresca,” said Ranch Dressing. “The life span for my species in this habitat is less than a month. How long have you been living in these parts, Fresca?”

“Since 1992,” said the old geezer. “It was touch and go for a while, but then grandpa died, and grandma doesn’t like my flavor – but she hates to throw anything out, so I still sit here.”

“Yeah, good old grandma,” said the Container of Food with an Indeterminate Origin. “She has already forgotten what I am, so she’ll never want to throw me out until she remembers what I am.”

Milk sighed. “You guys are so lucky. She barely leaves me in here a week past my date. It would be so great to have the shelf life of Fresca.”

“The cold does get to you after a while, though,” replied Fresca. “Sometimes I long to be squirreled away in a closet somewhere, enjoying tropical climates all year.”

“It could be a lot worse, though,” piped up Butter. “Someone could have drunk you years ago!”

“You speak the truth, my fine yellow friend. You speak the truth. My life may not be a paradise, but it is a life nonetheless. Better to have lived than to have died, I always say.”

“Hey guys,” yelled Limburger. “Watch me light my farts!”

“Limburger, cut that out. Cheddar, grab that lighter from him. Let’s settle down, guys. Let’s play a quick game of twenty questions and then go nighty night. Carrot, it’s your turn to pick the object. Orange Juice, you can ask the first question.”

“Animal, vegetable, or mineral?” asked Orange Juice.

“Vegetable,” answered Carrot.

“Don’t tell me it’s a carrot” asked Celery.

“Yup,” replied Carrot.

“Aw, man, you suck at this game.”

“OK, that’s wrap. Time go grab some ZZZs,” said Cucumber, in her most authoritative voice.

Today, we interview Lazy Man from the personal finance blog Lazy Man and Money.

Kosmo: Lazy, come on in and take a seat. Hey, hey, take those shoes off. I apologize for the condition of the furniture. We’re on a tight budget and got most of this stuff at yard sales. Can I get you something to drink? We haven’t been able to afford a refrigerator yet, so we can’t offer you anything cold.

Lazy Man: It’s good to see I’m not the only one saving money at yard sales. A glass of tap water would be fine, save your drink money for a fridge.

Kosmo: You definitely have an interesting nickname. How did you acquire it? Were you a Lazy Boy when you were younger? Do you spend countless hours in your hammock in the summer? Have you found yourself watching hours of C-Span because you’re too Lazy to change the channel? Are there piles of dirty laundry in the middle of your bedroom? Spill the beans – America wants to know!

Lazy Man: So many questions in one question, here goes… As a child I certainly was Lazy. However, I wouldn’t call myself a Lazy Boy as that’s a registered trademark of another corporation. I actually don’t have a hammock. I’ve been in negotiations with the wife to get one for about 4 years now. She’s worse than Scott Boras! I go out of my way to avoid C-Span at all costs just to stay clear of that issue. I tend to put the pile of dirty laundry to the side. I have also have a pile of clean clothes.

I chose “Lazy” after a principle in Software Engineering, my career at the time. It’s generally considered smart programming to delay computation until a result is required. When I preach the “Lazy Way” of doing things, it’s more about the efficiency. I always say that if necessity is the mother of invention, laziness is the father of efficiency.

Kosmo: What made you take the plunge to become a personal finance blogger? Do you also disperse personal finance advice to your family and friends, or are your blog readers the sole privileged recipients of your vast knowledge?

Lazy Man: I was at the dentist and read a Business Week article about how anonymous bloggers are sharing their networth on the web. One person in particular caught my eye, Boston Gal’s Open Wallet. Having lived in Boston all my life at that point, I gravitated towards anything Boston-related. After reading her site for a couple of months, I figured that I should document my quest to acquire all the world’s wealth.I pretty much reserve my financial advice to readers. It turns out that people don’t often like to receive advice on how they should handle their money from me.

Kosmo: You have been blogging for 4 years now. You have a fairly large audience and are able to earn a decent amount of cash from blog related activities. Did you have a particular moment or event when you knew that you had crossed the threshold from novice blogger to successful blogger?

Lazy Man: Whoa, don’t make me old, I’m only at 3. You presume that I’ve crossed the threshold to successful blogger.  Success can be measured in a number of ways. I presume you mean financially successful. I think when I had my first $1000 month from blogging, I realized I was on to something.

Kosmo: What sort of advice do you have for bloggers who are just starting out? What are some pitfalls they can avoid or obstacles they will encounter along the way? What steps can they take to increase their likelihood of success?

Lazy Man: I have about 20 posts of blogging advice already written. I’m just afraid to publish it because I’m not sure I can maintain another blog. For now, I invite everyone to contact me about any specific questions they might have. I hope a lot of people do because it will kick my ass in gear to formalize and publish what I already have written. I aggregated some other bloggers blogging tips at Advice for New Personal Finance Bloggers.

Kosmo: Much of the subject matter in the personal finance blogosphere seems to center around good financial advice. On the other side of that coin, people should also make an effort to avoid really bad decisions. What are some of the worst personal finance decisions a person can make?

Lazy Man: I’ll give you a couple of bad ones:

• Reach into your wallet or purse. Pull out all money you have in there. Set it on fire.
• Buy as many depreciating investments as you can… especially expensive ones like boats and cars.
• Subscribe to as many services as you can. Never use them.
• Start smoking. Do I get bonus points for the bad health advice

Kosmo: OK, now that we’ve covered the serious stuff, let’s get the scoop on the man behind the blog. What’s on your iPod right now?

Lazy Man: It’s been about 3 months since I’ve seen my iPod. However, my Palm Pre has The Beatles, Portishead, The White Stripes, Radiohead, and System of a Down.

Kosmo: How do you unwind after a long day of blogging. What are your hobbies?

Lazy Man: There’s time to do stuff besides blogging? Here are a couple of hobbies

• I spend an hour or two each night acting as my dog’s chew toy.
• I’m big into wine tasting. My tastebuds are pretty poor and I have almost no sense of smell. That makes me really bad at wine tasting. I also break all the rules and have white wine with red meat and red wine with white meats.
• I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it…
• I like steal Steven Wright jokes and pretend they are my own.

Kosmo: If you were an animal, what animal would you be?

Lazy Man: I would be a cheetah. I’ve always thought they were cool.

Kosmo: Is there any truth to the rumor about Scarlett Johansson?

Lazy Man: You know, everyone always gives the no comment when situations like that arise. I’m not that kind of guy. I’m just going to say it straight out: It’s true.

Kosmo: You make no secret of the fact that you are a Boston Red Sox fan. Do you consider the Red Sox to be the true 2007 champions, considering that a bevy of bad calls handed them a tainted World Series victory?

Lazy Man: Look, the tuck rule was in the rule book the whole season. In fact it’s still in the rule book today. I don’t know why people can’t understand the basic rules of the game.  Oh wait, you said 2007 Boston Red Sox…

Kosmo: You are an anonymous blogger. You guard the secret of your identity so closely that not even your dog knows about your alter ego. It must be stressful living with such a big secret. It would be a big weight off your shoulders to reveal your identity today, on The Soap Boxers, in front of a crowd of readers …

Lazy Man: I’ve thought about not being anonymous any more. All the biggest personal finance bloggers are not anonymous. I also don’t go into my net worth any more like I used to.You are right it would be a big weight off my shoulders to reveal my identity on The Soap Boxers today.

Kosmo: Thank you for your time, Lazy Man. Reader: if you haven’t had a chance to visit Lazy Man and Money, hop on over – www.lazymanandmoney.com. Lazy Man blends insightful personal finance advice with some interesting stories from his personal life. Lazy Man and Money is definitely one of my favorite blogs.

If you visited The Soap Boxers just to see the interview with Lazy Man, look around a bit. Browse the archives, subscribe to the RSS feed, or simply come back again tomorrow. We offer a full money back guarantee. If you read us for a week and don’t like the content, we will refund 100% of the purchase price.

Today we introduce what I will call “Wednesday Wisps”. This is similar to the potpourri term I have used in the past, except that Wednesday Wisps uses alliteration to creep insidiously inside your brain. Wednesday Wisps will feature an assortment of very short news stories, opinions, or ideas – typically, not much more than 100 words.

How long until we can stop using the word “dial”? We don’t dial phone numbers any more – rotary dial phones are something that the younger generation isn’t even aware of (except for the popular toy for infants). I’m struggling to find a better term. “Enter the number” doesn’t seem to have the same panache.

PGA star John Daly sheared the roof off his RV and sent it flying into the path of an oncoming vehicle when he became confused by signs and hit a tunnel. The other driver suffered back and neck injuries, as well as damage to his vehicle. Just as Daly has started to get his life back to a semblance of normalcy, this happens.

Detroit city council member JoAnn Watson will be forced to pay a maximum of three years of back taxes after having the city correct its assessment of her house. Watson’s home had been re-classified as a vacant lot in 1999, and she had been pay $68 annually in property taxes since then. However, the law only allows the city to collect three years of taxes when a property has been incorrectly assessed. It has been pointed out that the absence of the $300 city trash fee should have been a red flag to Watson – since she had actively fought the fee. Watson believed that the property was reassessed after a tornado damaged the home, although no official records of the tornado can be found, and Watson did not file an insurance claim at the time of the tornado.

University of Georgia gymnast Courtney Kupets won the Honda-Broderick Cup, awarded annually to the top female college athlete in the US. Kupets, the winningest gymnast in NCAA history, won four individual titles at this year’s NCAA meet. More impressive is the fact that Kupets was able to bounce back from a torn Achilles tendon that cost her most of her junior season. Not only did Kupets recover from the injury, but she was able to compete at the very highest level.

Voting for Major League Baseball’s All Star Game, held in July, begins in April, when some roster slots are not even set. This is wrong. Delay the start of voting until June 1. With internet voting, anyone who wants to vote will still be allowed to vote. While you’re at it, change the limit from 25 votes per email address. Restrict the voting by IP address instead, to avoid having someone use multiple email address. I personally have more than a half dozen email addresses.

The smart phone war escalated, with Palm releasing their Pre model and Apple releasing their iPhone 3GS to legions of adoring fans. I personally am a “dumb phone” sort of guy, relying on a Samsung Slider – my data connection to the world consists solely of text messages from 4info.net.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs has begun working by email as he bounces back from a battle with pancreatic cancer. The charismatic Jobs, 54, received a liver transplant in April.

Reality stars Jon and Kate Gosselin – from TLC’s Jon & Kate plus 8 – have filed for divorce. This had been widely rumored for months.

Ed McMahon, longtime Tonight Show sidekick to Johnny Carson, and also the longtime spokesman for Publisher’s Clearinghouse, died at age 86. McMahon had suffered several health problems in recent years.

Much like the rain delays this weekend at the 109th United States Open Championship at Bethpage Black course, your truly is a little late in getting in this week’s sports story in.

Yesterday provided some great drama and a great and memorable finish. It became somewhat of a Darwinesque survival of the fittest down the stretch. The last group with Ricky Barnes and Lucas Glover started Monday play on the second hole with a comfortable cushion of 5 shots between them and the next closest competitor.

Only in the US Open, no lead is comfortable, especially when you have not contended in a Major before.

Barnes was the first to falter, giving away a number of strokes early in the round. He started to show signs of this late in the day on Sunday as he missed a very short putt on #18 and then promptly began the fourth round by barely keeping it on the golf course. Barnes has been in a position like this before, albeit while still an amateur. He is a past United States Amateur Champion. That is a Major in my book, and it sure was to Bobby Jones.

Glover leads the PGA this year in total driving statistics which combines length off the tee with accuracy. That is the kind of statistical support you need to find yourself at the top of a US Open Leaderboard. As Barnes faltered, Glover hung in there just a bit better…mainly due the number of fairways he was hitting.

A number of other players made a charge, Mike Weir, who was a magician with the rescue clubs and fairway woods all week. Ross Fischer…Who??? Most had never heard of him, but they will now. And if you watch golf channel coverage of the European Tour you would know a lot more about Ross and his golf game.

David Duval, who had gone the way of Ian Baker Finch, win the Open Championship only to never be heard from again. Duval showed the world that he might be closer than we think to being among the games best again. He had a few horrible breaks early in the round and could have easily faltered, but instead righted the ship and finished tied for second. No one saw that coming. Except maybe Double D himself.

Tiger made a fourth quarter drive, but ran out of holes and out of time. NBC is always pushing for Tiger, and frankly pushes too hard, I think the reason a lot of folks don’t like Tiger is the media is often so slanted to have him win that it turns a lot of folks off. Still it is impressive that he has no putting game at all this week, hits it just average and still can finish tied for 6th. It just proves how good he really is.

The peoples choice, Phil Mickelson once again came up just a bit shy. Too many good story lines here if he did pull this one off. Now we look at his record in U S Opens and see five….count em five second place finishes. This might be like Arnold Palmer and the PGA Championship. Many close calls but he could never win that one. How many more shots will Phil get to be this close.

At the end it was Lucas Glover hoisting the trophy. One of the quietest and unassuming champions you could predict. With now two wins to his credit on the PGA tour, Glover gets a lot more attention, fame, and a smooth ten year exemption on the tour.

A lot of other big stories later this week including the finale of the College World Series and the start of Wimbledon.

Also I would be remiss if I did not mention a good friend of mine says to purchase your Colorado Rockies tickets now….for the playoffs. What a turnaround in Coors!

Until next week- Hit em straight!

My favorite baseball team, the Colorado Rockies, have been on tear lately.  The Rockies have won 17 of 18 games, dating back to June 4 against Houston.  Their only loss in this stretch was a June 16th game against the Tampa Bay Devils.  That game followed an off day, which is another great reason not to have any off days during the season.  The Rockies are 19-5 under interim manager Jim Tracy after starting the season 18-28 under fired manager Clint Hurdle.

Much maligned shortstop Troy Tulowitzki has played in 16 of those 18 games and has hits in 14 of the 16 games in which he played – good for a .400 batting average during that span.  Tulo has also smacked 5 of his 10 homers during the streak.  For those of you keeping track at home, his OPS (On-base-plus slugging) is nearly identical to the numbers he put up in 2007, when he was putting up numbers deserving of the Rookie of the Year award.  This fact is hidden a bit because injuries have cost him some at bats this year, and because his batting average is lower than it was in 2007.  However, his on base percentage is actually higher than it was in 2007, because of a marked uptick in the number of walks Tulo has drawn.  Keep in mind that the kid is still just 24 years old.

What other players are having good years for the Rockies?

• Todd Helton finally had back surgery after a sub-par and injury filled 2008 season.  The Toddfather might have a legitimate shot at 30 homers for the season, and he already has 49 RBI.  There is one small area of concern – Helton’s walk rate is the lowest it has been since 1999.  Helton’s walk rate is on the upswing, though, as he already has more walks in June than he did in all of May.  Helton surpassed 2000 career hits earlier in the season, to the surprise of many observers who were under the impression that he had already reached the mark years ago – but Helton’s relatively late start in his career (coming through the college ranks) as well as his propensity for taking walks, has served to limit his at bats a bit.
• Right fielder Brad Hawpe continues to be the best player that nobody has ever heard of, putting up a .335 batting average and an OPS above 1.000.  Hawpe has been a beast at home this year, with a .400+ batting average at Coors Field.  Over the course of his career, Hawpe has not been a “product of Coors Field”, however.  His career OPS differential is +45 points, compared to a typical hitter who enjoys a 30 point advantage at home.  Hawpe clearly gets some additional benefit from Coors, but not the typical Coors Field boost.
• 24 year old rookie Ian “Stewie” Stewart has displaced Garrett “I can’t hit no more” Atkins as the starting third baseman.  Stewart’s batting average is still hovering around .225, but he has 13 homers in just 180 at bats in the season, including 6 in 70 June at bats.  Stewart appears to be bouncing back from a dreadful May that saw him post a horrendous .595 OPS, largely as the result of an absurdly low .128 BABIP (batting average on balls in play, a number which is typically around  .300).  Oddly, Stewart has a “reverse split” this year, posting significantly better numbers away from Coors Field.
• Catcher Chris Iannetta has fought some injuries, but still has 10 homers in just 132 at bats this year, building upon the power he displayed last year (18 homers in 333 at bats, as he shared time with Yorvit Torrealba behind the plate).
• Off season acquisition Jason Marquis (9-4, 3.71 ERA, 97 innings pitched) leads the Rockies in all three of those categories.
• Aaron Cook had a horrendous April, posting a 7.11 ERA.  This was attributed to a mechanical problem with his delivery, and Cook has been money in the bank since that point, putting up an ERA below 3.00 since the beginning of May.  With a win last night, Cook became the all time franchise laeder in wins, with 59.  (Note that the Rockies have only been around since 1993 and haven’t had many pitcher hang around very long). 
• Closer Huston Street  posted a 6+ ERA in April before enjoying a dominant May (0.82 ERA) and a strong June (2.79) as has established himself firmly ahead of Manny Corpas in the closer slot.

James von Brunn

James von Brunn, who shot and killed a guard at the National Holocaust Museum, may face some additional charges.  When searching von Brunn’s computer, investigators found child pornography.  For the few of you out there who feel that von Brunn is an otherwise good man who simply had some radical political beliefs that got him into trouble, it’s time to jump off the bandwagon.  This man is not a kindly old grandfather – he is a criminal who derserves to be severely punished. Since von Brunn committed the crime in the District of Columbia, the federal government has jurisdiction.  That means that he could face the death penalty.  However, it is very unlikely that he will be executed.  By the the time that the case goes to trial, a jury renders a verdict, and von Brunn’s appeals have been exhausted, a lot of years are going to pass.  It’s much more likely that the 88 year old man is going to die in custody when his appeals are being heard.

While James von Brunn’s son Erik has offered his condolences to the family of security guard Stephen Johns, saying that “the wrong man died that day”, some von Brunn supporters feel that a conspiracy may have been at work, and that von Brunn might have been set up.  This appears to be rather unlikely.

Air France flight 447

It is beginning to appear that Air France flight 447 broken apart during flight on June 1.  Many of the bodies have had multiple broken bones, which is consistent with falling from a great height.  Very few have shown head injuries, which occur very often during crash landings.  The key question, of course, is WHY tha plan would have broken apart.

Air France is paying the families of victimes approximately $24,500 in initial compensation.  The key word is initial.  Certainly further compensation will be paid at a later date.

Illegal music downloads

A Minnesota woman was founded guilty of illegally downloading 24 songs and was fined $1.9 million by a jury.  The was actually a re-trial, as she was granted a new trial because of an error that was made jury instructions in her first trial.  She was also found guilty in the first trial, although the fine that was assessed by that jury was “just” $220,000.

The fine seems a bit on the high side, since stealing the same 24 songs from Wal-Mart (shoplifting 2 CDs) would be unlikely to draw a fine remotely in the same neighborhood.  I think that the fine will eventually be reduced, but there’s a lesson to be learned here.  Don’t mess around with illegal downloads.  Pay for your music.  The artists deserve to be compensated.  After all, you wouldn’t walk out of your favorite restaurant without paying.

Donte Stallworth

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth reached a plea agreement in his vehicular manslaughter case.  The plea deal calls for Stallworth to spend 30 days in jail (minus 1 day time served and 5 days off for good behavior).  Stallworth was drunk when he hit and killed a pedestrian.

To many people, the penalty seems absurdly light.  I agree that more jail time was warranted.  However, there are several factors that helped Stallworth.  First, it is possible that the victim was not in the crosswalk when he was hit.  However, for the sake of argument, I’ll assume that he was in the crosswalk.  After the accident, Stallworth did all the right things.  He called the cops and cooperated with the investigation.  He expressessed remorse.  He reached a financial agreement with the family of the victim (the family supported the plea deal).  Stallworth was also a first time offender.  Add up all these details, and clearly he is going to end up with less jail time than a repeat offender who flees the scene.

Some have compared Stallworth’s sentence to that of Michael Vick.  Vick’s situation was much different.  This is not simply the case of a man’s life vs. a dog’s life.  Vick engaged in intentional acts of cruelty against animals (whereas Stallworth intended to drink, but did not intend to kill) and continued a pattern of deceit after being arrested.  In short, Vick appeared to be the sort of person who needed a stiff prison term to rehabilitate him.

Tears streamed down the face of Beth Page, smearing her carefully applied makeup.  She stood by the side of her husband’s grave, the very picture of the grieving widow (although perhaps her black dress was a wee bit too low-cut for the occasion).

It was no surprise that she was convincing in her grief.  After all, she had practice.  This was the third husband she had buried.  With each death, a few more dollars had gone into her coffers.  The trick, of course, was to make the death appear accidental.

The death of her first husband, Zach, nearly was accidental.  Beth and Zach college sweethearts.  On their honeymoon, they decided to go scuba diving off the coast of Florida.  The couple were accomplished divers, and they took turns inspecting the equipment before each dive.  On the fateful day, it was Beth’s  turn to check the equipment.  She noticed a problem with Zach’s gear.  She very nearly pointed it out, but she was still a bit upset over a comment he had made the night before, so she kept her mouth shut.  Zach’s oxygen tank malfunctioned, and Poseidon claimed another victim.  The life insurance had been more than generous.  Even after paying Zach’s funeral expenses, Beth had a sizable pot of money to work with.  Beth kept a low profile for a year, before telling her friends and Zach’s family that she was going to pull up stakes and move back to the midwest, where her family lived.  Boston simply had too many memories of Zach, and she was overwhelmed with emotion.  That was her story, in any case.

Instead of going back to her non-existent family in the midwest, Beth spent the next few years lying on the beach, getting a tan, reading Danielle Steele novels, and flirting with cabana boys.  She also invested some of the insurance money in herself, using an augmentation to increase her cup size.

The breast enlargement turned out to be a rather profitable investment, netting her a second husband, Phil.  Phil was a Manhattan investment banker.  Beth had tired of Phil within a few weeks of meeting him, but she was intrigued by his collection of art, as well as his portfolio of stocks.  Her lust for his riches made it tolerable for her to consummate the marriage.  Soon after they were married, Beth began plotting against her husband.  In the end, it was not terribly difficult to kill him off.  The man was a slave to his cell phone, and she made a habit of calling him when she knew he would be jaywalking across busy streets.  She would intentionally draw him into arguments until her actions eventually had the intended effect.  A taxi cab hit a distracted Phil as it drag raced with another car, efficiently separating him from his precious cell phone and ending his life.

Beth spent another year among grieving family and friends before once again declaring that she was moving back home to be near her own family.  This time she had enough money for Maui.  Beth was carefully stalking her third victim within hours of landing in Hawaii.  Eldrick had more money than Zach or Phil – perhaps enough money to allow Beth to sustain a pampered lifestyle.

The bodies were starting to mount, so Beth had to excercise caution when killing off Eldrick.  This had to appear as an obvious accident.  She couldn’t risk a clumsy attempt such as cutting the brake lines in his car.  She eventually decided to engage an accomplice.  Beth ensured herself of an alibi by heading out to a night on the town with her friends at the same time that Eldrick was heading off to the course for a solo round of twilight golf.  It was the next morning when they found his body on the 9th green.  His death was ruled a cerebral hemorrhage.  The impact mark on his head indicated that he had been struck by a Titleist ball moving at a very high rate of speed.  Someone had neglected to yell “fore”.

The Mind of Bill James: How a Complete Outsider Changed Baseball by Scott Gray

A few chapters into this book, I noticed that I was a bit disappointed. I quickly realized the problem – as a big fan of Bill James, I had simply built up too much internal hype. Additionally, I probably had more familiarity with the life of Bill James than the typical reader. I took a step back and took a slightly different approach when reading the rest of the book – and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Many of you are probably clueless as to who the heck Bill James is. Bill James is the father of sabermetrics. There you go – you have your answer.

OK, OK. Let’s go a bit deeper into Bill James and sabermetrics.

The story really begins with the history of how baseball teams evaluate talent. For decades, scouts (using the “eyeball test” for a decent portion of their analysis) have been a cornerstone of talent evaluation, aided by historical stats such as batting average (for hitters) and earned run average (for pitchers).

While working as a security guard at the Stokely Van Camp plant (guarding the Pork ‘n Beans) James began writing a series of essays that took a closer look at various aspects of baseball. Sometimes James would take viewpoints that were contrary to prevailing theories; other times he would focus on things that simply hadn’t been studied in any great detail before. James sold a few copies of his first book. Writer Daniel Okrent read a copy and helped push James toward the mainstream. Today, many in the baseball establishment bristle at his name, but James has a large legion of followers. Other writers have followed in his footsteps, and today sabermetrics is well respected in many baseball clubhouses.

James’ analysis exposed some of the traditional statistics as being poor judges of a player’s talent, or of the player’s value to the team. Fielding percentage had long been used to determine the defensive value of a player. However, a player’s range can be considerably more important, as a player with good range can take away a lot of hits – and hit minimization is the true defensive goal in baseball. James also showed that, many times, a player who steals a lot of bases can be counter-productive – if he gets caught a lot.

James also point out the importance on context with statistics. A ballpark can have a considerable impact on a player’s statistics. James also developed major league equivalent, a formula for taking a minor league player’s statistics, adjusting for park factors and level of competition, and determining what the player could have accomplished in the major leagues.

One of the more interesting concepts of James’ work is the “relief ace”. It is his belief than many teams make inefficient use of their best relief pitcher by using him to close out games in the 9th innings. James would prefer that teams use their best reliever (which he refers to as a “relief ace”) a bit earlier, in a critical point in the game. He notes that each run saved in a tie game has eight times the impact of a run saved in a game with a three run game. In spite of this, many teams keep their closer on the bench in the 7th inning of a tie game, but bring him into the 9th inning of the next game with a three run lead in order to close the game. The relief ace concept makes a lot of sense to me – but it doesn’t seem to be taking hold in Major League Baseball.

This book tells us more about Bill James – showing us the living, breathing human being behind the formulae – with anecdotes from family life, college, the army (as a college educated dog handler), and the Stokely plant. Interestingly, it also shows us that James isn’t a guy who believes that numbers are the complete solution. Instead, the gist of his philosophy seem to be in keeping an open mind to new ideas, as well as taking a fresh look at old ideas to determine if they are still relevant today (if, indeed, they were ever relevant).

The appendix has some of James’ research (scratching the surface a bit), and Gray mentions several of James’ books during the course of this book. This book won’t make you an expert sabermetrician, but it will give you a good understanding of the origins of sabermetrics. The book is essentially one part Bill James biography and one part sabermetrics primer. The book has a good flow and is an easy read.

Scott Gray The Mind of Bill James