The SoapBoxers

Ask any republican politician and they’ll tell you we’re fighting a war, regardless of the fact that no war was ever declared by congress.  Despite this, combating terrorism is something that is often on top of the list of priorities of things to do when you’re running the United States, or attempting to scare the general public into submission.  You’d think we’d want the top intelligence possible when fighting terrorism, and to do so clearly we’d want the best linguists in both the Farsi and Arabic languages.  Yet more than a few linguistic experts have been dismissed from the military for being gay in the past few years alone.  Don’t believe me?  Do a Google search with the phrase “how many military experts have been dismissed for being gay?”

I’m sure there are a ton of boilerplate arguments as to why we need to keep gays out of the military, or at the least keep them from coming out.  Let’s go over them one by one, and if I missed your argument please feel free to express it in the comments after this article.

1)  “Homosexuality destroys unit cohesion”

A recent article from UC Davis shows that this is simply not true.(1)  The TL:DR of this article is that task focus is greater than social acceptance and the military is a task-oriented organization.  Our military got over integrating minorities.  It got over integrating women.  It will get over integrating homosexuals.

2)  “Homosexuality is bad for morale”

As early as the mid 1990’s, the American Psychological Association stated this simply isn’t true.  Based on studies of foreign military systems that allow homosexuals, there is little to no evidence that there is disruption or loss of effectiveness.  (2)

3)  “Military leaders have expressed in the past that allowing homosexuals to serve would be disruptive”

Many of those military leaders have now changed their mind.  Former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. John Shalikashvili and former Senator and Secretary of Defense William Cohen, who both spoke against gays in the military as recently as 2007 have since changed their minds.  (3)

4)  “Most members of the military would oppose homosexuals in their unit”

 There are some polls that show a sizable percentage of military members oppose openly homosexual fellow soldiers, but those polls are generally from 2006 or earlier.  A Zogby poll of recent veterans returning from Iraq or Afghanistan showed that 3/4 of them were comfortable interacting with homosexuals in their military life.  (4)

Now a few pros:

The cost savings alone should be worth it to the right, who continually try to label themselves as fiscally sound.  In a 2006 report the Pentagon stated that discharging gays from the military cost well over a quarter of a billion dollars in lost training, re-training and recruiting. (5) 

A bigger issue to your average republican politician, who continually bash the current administration for being “too soft” on terrorists, should be the loss of much-needed linguists.  In May of 2007, the Pentagon discharged 57 Arabic linguists for being gay.  Iraq was perhaps at its most fragile at that time, and Afghanistan was just beginning to flare up – should this have been the time to bend rules and keep some of your most valuable intelligence assets on hand?  For you sports fans, this seems to me to be like firing half your scouts a month before the draft.

Finally, there’s the moral issue that some will argue.  America was founded on moral principals and needs to stand by those principals while we fight those who seek to undermine us and destroy our way of life.  I counter that by say this country became great by embracing diversity and being open about change.  Some of our greatest moments include the abolition of slavery and the women’s rights movement.  If we don’t allow gays to openly serve in our military, what does that say about us?  I say it makes us no better than the intolerance and hate we claim to fight in the name of fighting terrorism.  To those who still oppose gays in the military, why do you hate America?

1)  http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/HTML/military_cohesion.html

2)  http://www.apa.org/about/governance/council/policy/military.aspx

3)  http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/30/us/30military.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

4)  http://www.gaymilitarysignal.com/071106Steinman.html

5)  http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2006-02-14-dont-ask-report_x.htm

Before we started subscribing to the Sunday paper several years ago, my wife asked my if I’d read the paper if we got it.

“Sure,” I replied.

Within a few weeks, she noticed that I was only reading the sports section and the comics and asked why I wasn’t reading the paper.

“But I AM reading the paper,” I insisted.  Well, the only parts that are worth reading …

I am a person who has a pretty broad sense of humor and loves a good joke.  On occasion, I have been known to laugh so hard that I eventually started crying.  Other times, I’ll crack up just thinking about a story or joke I heard hours earlier.  Truly, laughter is the second-best medicine (baseball being the best).

We’ve covered sports aplenty in The Soap Boxers.  So, today we shift the focus to comics.  I’ll break down my 5 all time favorite comics.

5.  Wow.  This is a tough call. I could go a lot of directions here – Blondie, Family Circus, The Far Side, Dennis the Menace, Retail, a few others.  But I’ll settle on Beetle Bailey.  The military theme differentiates the strip from its competitors, and Beetle and Sarge have a good dynamic going.  The secondary characters also have quite a bit of definition to them (gotta love Zero).

4.  Dilbert – A few years ago, Dilbert would have been top 2.  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  It’s possible that the strip has simply gotten less funny over the years – or it may simply be that a dozen years living in a cubicle have taken some of the humor out of cubicle life.  I do remain a devoted member of Dogbert’s New Ruling Class (DNRC), so I’ll be on board when we run roughshod over the InDUHdividuals.

3.  Get Fuzzy.  Huh, what’s this?  Haven’t heard of it?  By my estimation, this is the most underrated comic strip on the market today.  It’s a bit of a Bizarro Garfield (whoa, double points for back-to-back comic references) with a man, a cat, and a dog.  The dog (Satchel) never seems to get a fair shake (like Odie) but that’s where the similarity end.  Rob has a bit more control over the Get Fuzzy household than Jim does (although we’re talking in relative terms), and the cat (Bucky) is bent on world domination (or, barring that, weasel domination).  There’s also quite a lot of sports content (Rob’s a Sox fan; Bucky is a Yankees fan), which is always good for extra credit in my book.

2.  Peanuts – Perhaps the most beloved comic strip of all time.  The strip has a lot of baseball content, which gives it a huge boost.  It also has a dog who thinks his doghouse is a Sopwith Camel, which is slightly odd (in a good way).  The hockey battles between Snoopy and Woodstock on the frozen bird bath, Linus and his blanket, Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown, Schroeder eluding the romantic overtures from Lucy – and, of course, the completely unintelligible adult voices (yeah, that’s exactly how we sound to our kids – blah, blah, blah).  I have Peanuts books, I love the TV specials, but my favorite comic strip of all time is …

1.  Calvin and Hobbes.  Has there ever been a greater tribute to the sheer power of imagination?  Not only does Calvin possess it in spades (the transmogrifier, Calvinball with its crazy and never-the-same-twice rules, and of course the fact that Calvin thinks his stuffed tiger is actually alive), but his dad chips in with some wonderful answers to Calvin’s questions.  The strip was short lived (just 10 years) and Bill Watterson resisted the temptation to license it (if you see Calvin and Hobbes merchandise, it’s certainly bootleg – Calving urinating on a Ford logo is not a licensed use of the character) to preserve the integrity of the comic strip.  And who can forget that final strip, with Calvin and Hobbes sailing off in their wagon to go exploring?

That’s my top 5 – what are yours?

You might have already noticed it, but there is a new tab in the blue bar at the top of the page – “Advertise”.  In addition the the larger ads that some of you currently see, we are making a small number of spots available to private advertisers.

You can read details here, but the gist is that you have the opportunity to lock in a crazy 2 month rate of $1.25 per month on a 125 X 125 pixel ad (you provide the image).  These ads will be displayed to ALL readers of The Soap Boxers.

This is an introductory offer.  Rates are certain to increase after the introductory period (yeah, we’re trying to get you hooked at the lower price and then reel you in).  Seriously, where are you going to get better exposure for your site for a mere 4 cents per day? 

One of the spots has already been snapped up (by charter sponsor Irrational Family) – act today to get one of the three remaining spots.

Another Super Bowl is in the books. With a two year old and an infant in the house, I managed to catch a very small chunk of the game – including the critical interception. What a nice post-season by Tracy Porter, with the pick-6 in the Super Bowl as well as the pivotal interception against the Vikings. I was pulling slightly for the Colts, but didn’t mind having Drew Brees and the Saints nab the win.

Danica Patrick finished 6th in a stock car race over the weekend. Before getting too excited, it should be noted that this was not a NASCAR race, but an ARCA race. With absolutely no disrespect to the fine drivers in the ARCA series, ARCA is not at the same level as NASCAR. Having said that, it’s still a nice achievement for someone jumping from a light Indy car into a heavy stock car. That’s one factor that could work against Danica this year as she races in the NASCAR Nationwide Series (the second highest series, not to be confused with the Sprint Cup Series). She will be running a full Indy season and a partial NASCAR seasons – jumping back and forth between Indy cars and stock cars. These are types of cars that handle very differently, and the end result could be disappointing seasons in both series as her muscle memory gets all wonked up. (The true NASCAR fans out there are going to realize that this is hardly a unique assessment on my part).

I’m definitely pulling for Danica to make a successful transition. Really, there is no reason why a woman can’t succeed in NASCAR. Women have had success in several other racing series. If we look across to NHRA, Shirley Muldowney and Angelle Sampey have won championships, and Melanie Troxel is a contender in the Funny Car series.

Jimmie Johnson is trying for his fifth consecutive NASCAR Sprint Cup title this year. I’m hoping that Tony Stewart – who led the points race for much of last year – is able to knock him down a notch. The Gatorade Duels (qualifying races) take place on Thursday and the flag drops on the Daytona 500 at noon Eastern time on Sunday.

The Olympics are very nearly upon us. Fire up your DVRs. Coverage will be available NBC, CNBC, USA, MSNBC, and C-Span (OK, maybe not that last one). Go to NBCOlympics.com for details. I’m very disappointed to see that women’s luge (featuring my favorite 2010 Olympian, Erin Hamlin) will be in the 11:30 PM to 1:00 AM time slot in my time zone. The current Sports Illustrated features a guide to the Olympics. USA Today also has a special edition on the new stands. The USA Today edition has some information that is a bit out of date, but it seems to be a good overall reference.

I got my new t-shirt from USALuge.org and will thus be stylin’ while watching the Olympics.

Next week, pitchers and catchers will report to Spring Training. Expect to see a LOT of baseball coverage this year – even more than last year, since Kosmo will have MLB Extra Innings this year (w00t!). 2010 should be an interesting year. Players like Matt Holiday, Jason Bay, John Lackey, Zach Greinke, Felix Hernandex, and Justin Verlander will be out to provde that they are worthy of their new contracts. Seventeen year old JUCO baseball player Bryce Harper will look to make the leap into the professional ranks – perhaps as the #1 overall pick. Will the McCourt divorce tear apart the Dodgers? Will Sheets and Bedard rebound from injuries and return to their previous levels?  Will the National League finally administer a well-deserved beatdown to their little brothers in the Junior Circuit?

Underwater Airplanes sounds like an oxymoron, but it is what Sir Richard is attempting to build and sell at Virgin Atlantic. The idea is to produce vessels that can carry people under water over great distances or to great depth for tourism (similar to his space tourism scheme). This is not a new idea, except the tourism part with lots of windows. The German, Italian and Japanese armies used transport submarines in both world wars to avoid blockades. One German vessel surfaced in New York harbor in 1940 and proceeded to purchase and load several tons of food. At that time the United States was still technically a neutral in World War II, but the authorities found a way to delay the launch until a British destroyer could block the entrance to the harbor.

The ability to move invisibly around the world and get past blockades (specifically British and American) lead to restrictions on commercial submarines in the treaty of Versailles, and the original UN charter. I am sure that Sir Richard will find a way around any legal restrictions, and his product should be fun. I would love to do a deep dive into the mid Atlantic rig or one of the Pacific trenches. For that matter, a gentle sail across the Gulf of Mexico about 500 feet down would be nice, too.

The non-military benefit to submarine travel is primarily protection from weather. You cannot see very far in most of the ocean (scuba is very intimate to your surroundings). Some areas of the ocean are murky due to lots of sediment in the water, some are just dark due to depth. Big spot lights are only going to help to a point. But being under water means you do not have to worry about a sudden storm or even a hurricane as long as you are deep enough and have the technology to peer into the deep.

For years I have wondered why no one has built a huge oil tanker submarine. It would make hijacking by pirates almost impossible, rerouting due to weather would be reduced, and there would be no deck to speak of to keep clean. I can see why cargo ships have not been replaced, with the obvious over stacking that you can see at any port. A submarine has a fixed shipping capability, where a cargo ship can be stacked as high as the captain and the water line will allow.

Smaller versions of submarines have always been objects of fascination through out the world. Cars that could be subs (all custom made of course) have graced the pages of Popular Mechanics and been featured at various worlds fairs, not to mention James Bond films. These personal vehicles have just not been practical for many reasons; maintenance, complexity of operation, difficulties in getting in and out, and over all cost to name a few. Sir Richard, making this a “cruise” of sorts will remove several of these obstacles, but I am sure that the price will be steep for quite a while.

I hope it works, but then again I am a hopeless romantic, dreaming of the space travel vacation. Now I can add a deep sea adventure to the dream list. I just have to save up a couple of million dollars.

Read the original article at Foxnews.com for more information.

[Editor’s note: this really should be obvious … but to avoid getting sued, I’ll point out that these are not serious.]

Get Wesley Snipes on the phone and ask what his tax guy recommends.  Rich guys always have the best tax advisors.

It’s called “voluntary compliance” for a reason.  Because it’s voluntary.

Certainly, Fido qualifies as a dependent.

Yes, the above ground pool qualifies as a business expense.

Sign your tax return “Mickey Mouse”.  You’re completely safe from allegations of fraud, since your name isn’t on the return.

April 15th is more of a suggestion.  End of the year-ish should be just fine.

Yep, you can include that $58,752 in charitable contributions without any sort of documentation.

The fact that he picks up garbage for a living doesn’t mean that Bob isn’t perfectly qualified to prepare the tax return for your S corporation.

If your son acts like a 12 year old, he still qualfies as a dependent – even if he’s 30 in chronological years.

Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to pay your tax bill with currency from the Republic of Meopolis.  Money is money.

Include 6,874 pages of documentation with your 1040EZ.  Confusion is your friend.

Include fake copies of your W-2’s and 1099’s which understate your income.  The IRS has no way of independently verifying this information.

Over the course of the past year, the staff of The Soap Boxers has produced a large quantity of articles on a very wide variety of subjects.  We’d also like to think that we’ve produce a high quality of work, but that’s more subjective 🙂

Today, there is no new article.  Please take this time to explore the archives (there’s a link for that up in the blue bar).  Just spend a bit of time looking at older articles and clicking on links – and keep an eye out for links – they are EVERYWHERE on the site – you might be missing some.  You never know – you might stumble across something really cool!

I’ve recently been doing some exploring of my own and found articles that I had completely forgotten.

CLICK CLICK CLICK 🙂

Tony Rollins cracked a smile as he bit into the cheap fast food taco. The flimsy shell broke into pieces and hot sauce spilled out onto Tony’s hands. Tony brushed off this small misadventure. Nothing could spoil his mood today. Tony was just one small jump away from retirement.

Tony, at 40, was a bit young for retirement. In fact, it would come as a big surprise to many, since he had never been one to save a lot of money. He typically lived paycheck to paycheck, and when he did save up a few dollars, he quickly frittered it away on high end electronics or expensive vacations.

Then, six months ago, Tony bumped into Damon Cole and his fortunes took a turn for the better. Damon’s claim was worth, at most, seventy thousand dollars. The property, however, was massively over-insured, with millions of dollars in coverage. During a long lunch at a local strip club, a plan was hatched to bleed the insurance company of eight million dollars.

With Tony’s boss on temporary disability due to a freak skydiving accident, he had a short window in which to execute the plan. Late at night, when the office was quiet and no one was stirring (not even a mouse) Tony generated the paperwork for the claim, fabricating estimates from contractors as necessary. He approved the claim and forged his boss’ approval as well. Tony carefully backdated the documents to indicate that his boss had approved the claim two days before he shattered his leg in the accident.

The claims had sailed through the processing center and Damon had received a check for $7,946,312.42. Damon had wired half the money to an account that Tony had recently opened at a financial institution in Geneva. This morning, Tony had confirmed the receipt of his share of the money – $3,973,156.21 – with his Swiss banker, Gerhard Hunziker.

When Tony disappeared, people would notice. Before long, his boss would return to the office and discover the fraudulent claim. By then, Tony would be long gone. He had no doubt that law enforcement would be after him hot and heavy.

They would certainly jump to the correct assumption that he had left the country and headed south. Tony was sure that they would first look in Panama, where his co-workers had heard him talk of friends. When he wasn’t found in Panama, the authorities would fan out into the rest of central and south America. Everyone in the office had seen him intensely studying Spanish. At the time, his explanation had been that knowledge of Spanish would allow him to work more effectively on claims involving people who spoke limited English. This made perfect sense, and Tony’s reputation as a genuine nice guy lent it even more credibility.

Soon after his disappearance, his co-workers and authorities would realize that this was just an excuse – and that the real reason for learning Spanish was so that he would be able to blend in more easily in his new country.

Tony smiled with the knowledge that they would be barking up the wrong tree. He would be settling in Brazil – where the natives spoke Portuguese and not Spanish.

Division. What comes to mind when you think of that? Brown vs. Board of Education? Well that is more segregation than division but I believe the two are closely related. In today’s world I think of politics when I hear the word division. Why? Because we are so divided today that I have trouble believing it. On a positive note it isn’t just Democrats vs. Republicans. However, closely aligned to that is still primarily Liberals/Progressives vs. Conservatives.

There is no denying that our Country became more divided as President Clinton’s problems grew. For those old enough to have been interested in politics there was the investigation into his land deals (Whitewater) and of course the Monica Lewinsky scandal. My favorite quote occurred during his grand jury testimony over the Lewinsky scandal (aka Zippergate). Clinton answers a question, “It depends on what the meaning of the words ‘is’ is.”

Then George W Bush came into office. Two jets crashed into the towers changed our country forever on 9/11/2001. We seemed to unify on 9/12/2001 but we quickly divided again. On 9/12 it seemed that traditional U.S. values and security of our country came to the forefront for most people. However, that didn’t last and the mudslinging we saw during the Clinton era surfaced again. That lasted through the entire eight years of his presidency.

A small fraction of the population really went over the edge and began to speculate that 9/12 was an inside job; meaning that the September 11th terrorist attack was planned and executed by the government. They call themselves “9/11 truthers” and I can’t think of many subjects that will incite fury in more common people than that. I’m just a layperson when it comes to using drugs, but in my opinion these individuals are certified crack users. (More division!)

In 2010, we see an even greater division than we have seen in the last 15 years. The hope and change being proposed today in Washington is certainly controversial. Most of it is supported by Liberals and opposed by Conservatives. Moderates (true moderates, not liberals masquerading as moderates like my wife’s step-dad) seem to swing either way depending on the topic. However, as the Obama Administration moves forward with more change, we’re seeing and hearing from moderates that they are leaning more conservative. Think of the issues: healthcare, tax increases, bailouts, closing of Guantanamo Bay, etc. Definite division.

For eight years we listened to liberals criticize George W Bush. Today if I criticize Barack Obama, it doesn’t matter if it’s related to his stance on a political matter. It doesn’t matter if I oppose the healthcare changes, rising taxes, TARP and the handling of the TARP repayments. Suddenly if I disagree with Obama, I’m a racist, I’m a bigot and I’m the bad guy. Liberals imposing this sort of double standard creates more division.

I heard yesterday on the radio a story about Rahm Emanuel and his statement regarding a liberal group’s ad campaign regarding Obama’s healthcare overhaul. Emanuel’s comment was simply, “Fu**ing Retarded”. When I think of division, this is a big one. He alienated the democratic group that was sponsoring the ad, he alienated individuals with developmental disabilities and their families/friends, and he alienated people that just don’t take kindly to the degradation of a class of citizens like that.

How about March 2009 when President Obama appeared on the Jay Leno show. BO told Jay that he had bowled a 129. After Jay complimenting him on his bowling score, the president laughingly says, “It’s like the Special Olympics or something.” More alienation, more degradation and yet more division.

I’m probably dreaming, but I envision a day when we can be a more united country. A country that lives like it is 9/12 again. I would be a fool to think that we would ever agree on everything. I would still like to see at least one (significant) area where we could agree—as a country.

Right now, we’re seeing more division than I can ever remember. I was a young boy when Jimmy Carter served in office. However, I still remember the talk about him around our house and those of our friends/family. That was a divisive time period, but I still can’t believe it was near what we see today. I hope and pray that in the next few years we unite as a country and move forward with truly positive change to get us back on the right track.

Squeaky…

Note: these tidbits are simply worded in a question/answer format – they are not actually submitted to Kosmo as questions.

Q: Kosmo, I have some money invested and would like to know how soon it will double.  Is there an easy way to do calculate this?

A: Indeed there is.  It is called “The Rule of 72”.  Take 72 and divide it by your interest rate.  The result is the number of years it will take to double your money.  For example, if you are getting a 6% return, it will take 12 year to double your money.  You can also flip this question around and ask how high of a rate you must achieve to double your money in a specified period.  For example, if you want to double your money in 3 years, you would need a 24% APR (72/3 = 24).  Good luck with that.
 
Q: Kosmo, I’m all thumbs when it comes to tools.  I can never figure out which way to turn a tool to loosen something.  Is there some sort of general rule?

A:  Righty tight, lefty loosey.

Q: Kosmo, why did they call those old fashioned storage devices “floppy disks”?   They definitely weren’t floppy, and nw that I think about it, they weren’t disc-shaped, either!

A:  Au contraire!  Floppy disks were indeed floppy.  You are confusing the disk asssembly with the actual disk.  The assembly contains a hard plastic case and a metal shutter that the computer would push aside to read data from the actual disk.  If you want to see what the actual disk looks like, pry one (preferably one without data on it) open with a screwdriver.
 
Q:  Kosmo, I’m a big sports fan.  I wish there was a way for me to determine which team was the home team when the scores flash by.

A:  Actually, there is!  The visiting team is always on the top and the home team is always on the bottom.
 
Q: Kosmo, there’s a little pinhole near my computer’s DVD drive.  What’s up with that – does it need air to breathe or something?

A:  You have discovered the manual eject mechanism.  This has been around for as long as Kosmo can remember.  To trip the mechanism, simply take a bent ovally metal disc ejector – otherwise known as a common paper clip – and push it into the hole.  Whatever disc is in the drive should be ejected.  This works great for times when the operating system won’t recognize a disc and won’t allow you to eject it.
 
Q:  Kosmo, my friend tells me that I’m just as likely to get an Ace/Ace combo dealt to me as I am to get an Ace/King.  In essence, he’s telling me that all combinations are equally likely.  My experience seems to indicate that this is wrong.  Who is right?

A:  Congratulations – you are right.  This is a longer answer, so it will have to be the last question of the day.  Let’s take a look at the possible combinations for Ace/Ace:

• Spade/Heart
• Spade/Diamond
• Spade/Club
• Heart/Diamond
• Heart/Club
• Diamond/Club

All told, 6 combinations out of the  1326 possible combinations.

Let’s take a look at the possible combinations for Ace/King:

• Ace Spades / King Spades
• Ace Spades/  King Clubs
• Ace Spades / King Hearts
• Ace Spades / King Diamonds
• Ace Clubs / King Spades
• Ace Clubs/ King Clubs
• Ace Clubs / King Hearts
• Ace Clubs / King Diamonds
• Ace Hearts / King Spades
• Ace Hearts/ King Clubs
• Ace Hearts / King Hearts
• Ace Hearts / King Diamonds
• Ace Diamonds / King Spades
• Ace Diamonds/ King Clubs
• Ace Diamonds / King Hearts
• Ace Diamonds / King Diamonds

As you can see, there are 16 possible combinations.  Drawing a pair is always less likely than drawing two unmatched cards – the fact that you already have the ace in your hand means that there are  a maximum of 3 aces left in the deck – whereas there are a maximum of 4 of every other card.

Now, if your friend twists this a bit and says that you’re just as likely to draw Ace Spades / Ace Clubs as you are Ace Spades / King Clubs, he would be correct.