The SoapBoxers

Could it be? A brand new story? Yep!

Andrew sighed as he pressed his face against the window and watched the rain fall. It was going to be another dreary day inside cell block K. He had been rousted from his bed far earlier than he would have liked, and after the morning’s calisthenics, he was forced to participate in the prison’s compulsory education system.

Andrew felt wrong by the system. He was no criminal – he had been railroaded by the system. He missed his younger sister and his parents and was angry that his prison sentence restricted the time he could spend with them. He knew that the years were going to pass very slowly.

For a moment, he envied his brother Sam. Sam was also an unjustly held prisoner. At least Sam had some hope for a better future. Sam was in cell block 6, but would be moving to a new facility within the year. The new facility afforded the inmates more opportunities. It wasn’t freedom, but it was far closer to freedom than Andrew could dream of.

It wouldn’t even be accurate to say that Sam was disappointed with the lunch that the prison served. During his time in the prison, he had grown accustomed to the swill that masqueraded as food. Government workers producing the very worst in institutional food. Andrew felt himself getting sick to his stomach. Didn’t the constitution ban cruel and unusual punishment?

The mid-day siesta was a welcome break from the drudgery within the prison walls. For an hour, Andrew was able to push aside the negativity that filled his days. He dreamed of the better days ahead. Days outside these prison walls, walking through a meadow on a beautiful summer day. For this brief period each day, Andrew had hope for the future, and his mind escaped the prison walls.

After the siesta, the inmates were marched out to the exercise yard for the alloted period of fresh air. The dampness still clung in the air, and it was chilly. Andrew huddled to keep warm as he watched some thugs in another section of the yard. Some of these people had clearly grown accustomed to the life inside these walls and even seemed to enjoy it. Andrew hoped that he would never fall victim to this fate. He would never give up and resign himself to life within the walls.

As the day wound down, Andrew went to a corner of his cell and scrawled another vertical line, marking yet another day within the prison.

“Andy,” shouted Miss Bolton. “We don’t write on the walls. Give me that crayon!”

Andrew smiled sheepishly and gave the red crayon to his kindergarten teacher,

First basemen Albert Pujols of the Cardinals and Prince Fielder of the Brewers will hit the free agent market this off-season, unless they are re-signed by their current teams.  The Yankees (Mark Teixeira) and Red Sox (Adrian Gonzalez) already have significant money tied up in their first basemen, and are not likely to chase after them, which could limit the payout slightly.  However, each player is likely going to get somewhere upwards of $20 million per year.

Who is worth more? Let’s break it down and allow you to reach your own conclusion.
 

 
There’s one really interesting scenario that I haven’t heard discussed much. The Cardinals and Brewers could each end up with a high quality first baseman and a free draft pick if the Cardinals were to sign Fielder and the Brewers nabbed Pujols. A team that signs a type-a free agent surrenders its first round pick to the team losing the player, but the team losing the player ALSO gets a “sandwich” pick between the first and second round of the draft. Let’s say the Cardinals had the 10th pick in next year’s draft and the Brewers had the 11th. If the Cardinals signed Fielder and the Brewers signed Pujols, the Cardinals would lose pick 10, but gain pick 11 and a sandwich pick, while the Brewers would lose pick 11 but gain pick 10 plus a sandwich pick. (More about free agent compensation here).
 

I don’t usually do personal dedications in my articles.  However, this article is dedicated to the woman who declared that she was too educated to be kicked off a train after the conductor asked her to keep her noise level down.

What, exactly, does is mean to be “educated”?

It’s not a piece of paper – I have two Bachelor of Science degrees (earned simultaneously).  I’m proud of this achievement.  However, my university education served as the foundation for my overall education – it is not stand-alone proof that I am educated.  A commencement is a beginning, not an end – and a foundation is not a completed structure.  Having a degree doesn’t even prove that you have specific knowledge – only that you possessed that knowledge at one time.  People do tend to forget things over the years.  If you’re 50 years old, do you really want to point to your college degree – evidence only of a burst of academic success thirty years ago – as proof that you are “educated”?

It’s a commitment to continued learning – I have learned far more in the fourteen years that have passed since my college graduation than I did in the four years I spent on campus.  Not only have I needed to keep pace with my industry and my role (which is not related to my degrees), but I have also worked to enhance my knowledge in several areas of interest.  These areas include baseball, forensic science, paleontology, and law.  In a combination of two of the interests, I have become very well versed in Major League Baseball’s collective bargaining agreement 🙂

I have a brother who spent nearly twenty years working in a factory.  The company moved the jobs out of the country – a big blow to the local community.  Those who lost their jobs had the opportunity to go to college for two years at no cost.  My brother, who had not been a very committed student in his youth, saw a good deal and jumped on it.  Thanks to his willingness to continue his learning, he is now the owner of a successful computer repair business.

It’s a willingness to go outside your comfort zone – I have a friend that we’ll call Tom (because that’s his actual name).  Tom and I really have very little in common.  We fall on different sides of the political spectrum (albeit with generous overlap) and have very different interests.  The only time Tom watches NFL football is when he sits down to watch 60 Minutes and the preceding game bleeds into the time slot.  Conversely, the only time I watch 60 Minutes is if I don’t quickly flip to a different channel after my NFL game ends.

Tom and I often have lunch together.  Our discussions are quite often enlightening.  One of us will talk about their job or an interest, and the other person will chime in with an “uneducated” view on the topic.  The “uneducated” view often makes the “expert” look at the subject from a fresh viewpoint.  Quite often, I walk away with the need to dig deeper to answer the questions of “why?” that Tom raises.

If you’ve been reading The Soap Boxers very long, then you know that I’m a big baseball fan.  Major league baseball has been around since 1876, and teams play a game almost every day, so there’s an almost bottomless well of trivia to tap into. 

So without further ado, let’s jump in. All question refer solely to stats achieved in the Major Leagues – but these questions aren’t for rookies! Answers are at at the bottom (below the wonderful selection of baseball-related items).
 
 

1)  From the moment Hank Aaron homered off Al Downing on April 8, 1974 until Barry Bonds broke hit his 756th home run on August 7, 2007, Aaron was the career home run king, with 755 home runs. How many times did Aaron hit more than 50 homers in a season?

2) This pitcher won an MVP and Cy Young and also tossed a no-hitter. He won 197 games in his Hall of Fame career, recording his final career start in 1987.

3) Who has the longest hitting streak of any living Hall of Famer?

4) Hall of Famers are often selected to a great many All Star games during their career. Of the Hall of Famers who played their entire careers in the All Star Game era, which two players have the distinction of being selected to the FEWEST All-Star games?

5) On April 25, 1935, the Pittsburgh Pirates allowed a member of the Boston Braves to hit three home runs against them. Why was this significant?

6) On September 7, 1974, Graig Nettles of the Yankees broke his bat during a game. What happened next?

7) This Hall of Famer homered in his first career at bat … and never hit another home run.

8 ) On July 15, 1994, pitcher Jason Grimsley stole something from a locked room in a major league stadium. What did he steal?

9) On July 6, 1983, Fred Lynn homered off Atlee Hammaker. What is significant about Lynn’s homer?

Answers:

1) Aaron never hit more than 50 homers in a season – but he did hit at least 40 in eight seasons.

2) Dennis Eckersley threw a no-hitter for the Indians in 1977. His final career START was in 1987 … after which he became a full time closer. He notched 390 career saves. His 51 saves and 1.91 ERA in 1992 earned him the Cy Young and MVP Awards. Yep, I threw some red herrings into this one 🙂

3) Joe Dimaggio hit in 56 straight games, but he is dead. Hit King Pete Rose had a 44 game hitting streak and is still alive – but isn’t a Hall of Famer. This makes Paul Molitor’s 39 game streak in 1987 the longest of any living Hall of Famer.

4) Ferguson Jenkins and Robin Yount were each chosen for three All Star Games. Interestingly, Yount was snubbed in his 1989 MVP season. When Bert Blyleven is inducted next month, he’ll set the bar even lower – he made only two All-Star teams.

5) Those home runs were the final three homers of Babe Ruth’s career. After playing for the Red Sox and most famously the Yankees, he was lured to the Boston Braves with the possibility of eventually becoming the team’s manager.

6) Six super balls flew out of the bat. Nettles said the bat was a gift from a Yankees fan in Chicago. Whether Nettles or the fan doctored the bat, you have to give them bonus points for creativity.

7) Hoyt Wilhelm didn’t start his career until he was just shy of his 30th birthday. When he retired 20 years later, he had appeared in 1070 games (most as a reliever) and racked up 227 saves. The home run he hit on April 23, 1952, was the only dinger of his career.

8 ) Grimsley, then playing for the Cleveland Indians, climbed through the air ducts to retrieve a bat from the umpires’ room. The bat was seized from Indians slugger Albert Belle under suspicion of being corked.

9) Lynn’s homer in the 1983 All Star Game was the first – and only – grand slam in All Star Game history.

OK – how well did you do?

I should be getting back to writing new short stories in a few weeks, but until then, I’ll share this re-run with you.  It originally ran on January 1, 2010.

Jay Maxwell grabbed a cloth and polished the exterior of the machine. It wasn’t really necessary for the machine to shine, but Jay took great pride in his invention. Indeed, why shouldn’t he take great pride in it? He had devoted three decades of his life to his work.

Over the years, Jay had spent a fortune on his invention. He had inherited enough money from his grandmother’s estate to live a life of quiet comfort. However, Jay was not content to simply sit on the sidelines sipping margaritas while life merely passes. He plowed the money into his academic endeavors. Over the years, he had been forced to move from his grandmother’s stately mansion to a townhouse, and then finally to a one bedroom apartment in a run down part of town.

Never for a moment did Jay regret his decision. He had poured his money and his life’s work into one thing – finding a way to travel through time. After battling endless technical obstacles, he believed that he had finally developed a machine capable of slinging him to the far reaches of the space-time continuum.

It was the moment of truth. The JayMax model 16A was ready for its first passenger. Jay looked around his lab, stopping to remember the found memories of his work. He bid a fond farewell and jumped into the JayMax. Jay decided to let fate be his guide. He turned the dial to “random” and hit the “Go” button.

Jay felt a mild cause of nausea as he felt his essence be transported to a different time and place. Eight months ago, Jay had determined that while it may not be feasible to transport an entire physical being, it was definitely possible to transport someone’s essence – what some might call the spirit – and embed it into a person from another time.

Jay felt a sudden jolt as his spirit stopped moving and was thrown rather roughly into his new host. His entire body tingled with the excitement of the moment. Jay took a moment to take in his surroundings. He could not believe his luck. He was in the Roman Coliseum. Jay felt great sympathy for those who had only been able to view the ruins. The structure was astonishing in the light of the mid-day sun.

There was a great crowd on hand, and they were standing and roaring their approval. An instant later, Jay realized that he was in the middle of the Coliseum. This wonderful crowd was roaring for him! It seemed that he was a contestant in a gladiator contest. What wonderful luck for him.

Then Jay heard a roar what was unlike the roar emanating from the crowd. This was a roar that was the roar of a great beast. It dawned on Jay that this was also the place where the Christians were fed to the lions. Jay realized that his decades of work spent in search of a solution for time travel would be for naught, as he would soon be in the belly of a lion.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, Jay caught sight of another man. Were two of them being fed to the lions at once? Then he suddenly felt a strange sensation coming from the area near his buttocks. It almost felt as if he had a tail.

In that instant, everything came into focus. It was then that Jay realized that he hadn’t had a decent meal in several days.

St. Louis is still in mourning after the Cardinals lost Albert Pujols for 4-6 weeks with a non-displaced fracture of his radius (a bone in the forearm). After being pulled off first base by a throw, Pujols reached out his left arm in an attempt to tag out the baserunner. It was a bang-bang play, with runner Wilson Betemit having no opportunity to avoid the collision (nor was he under the obligation to do so). Although there hasn’t been the furor that followed the Buster Posey injury (should baseball ban home plate collisions?), the NY York Times has suggested a double bag at first base.  This seems like a rather silly idea to me, as all it would really do is force the first baseball to slide over another step before reaching out for a tag.  It’s worth noting that Betemit didn’t run into the body of Pujols, but into his arm.

The Cardinals have remained in the hunt in the NL Central this year despite being snake bitten by some injury.  Co-ace Adam Wainwright went down for the season during spring training, and Matt Holliday has lost time due to an injury and an appendectomy.  I do think the Cardinals can at least stay within striking distance until Pujols returns.

The big question is how this will affect Pujols’ status as the top free agent in the class.  Already, we had been hearing some murmurs that Brewers first baseman Prince Fielder – 4 years younger – might actually be a better option for a team needing an elite first baseman.  (I’m not sold on Fielder – his ability to keep his weight under control long term concerns me).  Pujols is going to have about 50 games at the end of the season (plus possible post-season games) to prove that he’s still the Pujols of old.  It seemed unlikely that his demands of a 10 year deal worth $30 million per year were going to be met in any case … but could this create a situation where Pujols signs a one year “prove it” deal rather than signing a longer deal at a lower rate?

In LA, the divorce case of Frank and Jamie McCourt (no, not the Angela’s Ashes guy) lingers on.  The two parties had finally reached an agreement, but it was contingent upon commissioner Bud Selig giving his OK to a new TV rights deal with the LA Fox affiliate.  Under the 17 year deal, Fox would have paid nearly $3 billion.  The deal would have featured $385 million in up front money.  $170 million would have been earmarked (by the divorce settlement) for personal debt and the divorce settlement.  Selig believes that baseball revenue should be used to pay baseball debts, rather than personal debts.

This Friday will mark the debut of a new column, as Princess Kate joins us with her monthly article about the world of art. To get us in the mood, I’m re-running a short story of mine that originally ran on June 18, 2010.

On this particular evening, Sylvester Barnes traded his palette and brushes for a different set of tools. He stopped for a moment to collect his breath, and then swung the maul with all the strength he could muster.  The door resisted the first blow, but when Sylvester’s second blow landed on target, the lock yielded and the door sprung inward.

When Barnes stepped into the gallery, he was tempted to use the maul to smash every single piece of so-called “art” that had found a home in this third-rate gallery.  He’d be ashamed to use any of the statues as door stops and most of the paintings were worse than the garbage kindergartners brought home after a day of finger painting.  Certainly, all of this deserved to be destroyed, but he could not lose focus from the true mission.

Barnes came upon a door marked “Staff Only” and once again presented the maul as his key.  This door, too, allowed him entrance, and he strode into the back room studio.

Upstairs, above the Cherry Tree Gallery, Kailey Bell awoke from her deep slumber.  She was fully awake when Sylvester battered down the second door.  Kailey grabbed the pistol from under her pillow, slipped on her pink bunny slippers and snuck down the stairs.

When she arrived at the foot of the stairs, she saw the intruder plunging a hunting knife into the heart of one of her favorite paintings – Farm Pond By Full Moon.  She gasped with pain, as if the dagger was plunging into her own heart.

The man heard her and wheeled around to face her.  She recognized the man as Sylvester Barnes – an impressionist painter with a massive ego and a miniscule amount of talent.

“It’s for the best,” he shouted.  “These paintings deserve to be put out of their misery.  Moonlit lakes?  A sun setting behind mountains?  A boat adrift in the ocean?  Where’s the substance to this?  Where the creativity?  Where’s the meaning?  I’ve had piles of vomit that were more important to the world than these paintings.

“Get out, Barnes.  If you’re not out the door in ten seconds, you’ll regret it.”

“Regret it?” laughed Barnes derisively.  “What are you going to do – make me hang one of your paintings on my wall?”

Kailey pulled the gun from behind her back and pointed it at Barnes.

“Get out, or I shoot.”

“Kailey, you don’t have the balls. Go ahead, shoot me.”  Barnes laughed again as he lunged at another painting and cut it to shreds with the knife.

Kailey pulled the trigger and was devastated to hear a click as the hammer fell on an empty chamber.

She pulled the trigger again and the click was deafening amid the silence..  Barnes brandished his knife and took a menacing step toward her.  “Stupid girl.  The gun’s not even load –“

His words were cut off in mid-sentence as the hammer hit home on a live chamber.  An instant later, the bullet exited the back of Sylvester Barnes’ head, depositing a chunk of his rather small brain on the back wall.

This story originally ran on July 24, 2009.  I’m re-running it today because I’ve always liked it.

Dramatic poetic license has been taken with this story.  The dinosaurs featured in the story would not have interacted with each other in real life.

General Al Osoris paced the corridor of his military headquarters in a bunker at the base of the canyon.  The great general had won many great victories, and the superior Allosaur race had captured vast amounts of enemy territory under his leadership.  Nearly half the land had once been controlled by the Tyrannosaurs, the archenemy of the Allosaur people.  The Tyrannosaurs were now a beaten and bloodied race, now controlling just a small fraction of their previous territory.  The Allosaurs had become the unquestioned leader of the dinosaur world.

In the east, however, trouble loomed.  It seemed that one nation was indeed questioning the leadership of the Allosaurs.  The Raptors, led by General Velo Seeraptor, were attacking Allosaur strongholds.  The fortress at Dinosova was currently under siege.  Dinosova, like many Allosaur fortresses, was defended by Apatosaur soldiers.  The Apatosaurs, with their massive bulk and lethal tails, had been the soldier of choice for many generations of Allosaur generals.

General Seeraptor had been able to threaten the fortress by weakening the Apatosaur army with attacks by Stegosaurs and Triceratops.  These mercenaries, previously aligned with the Allosaurs, had taken money from the Raptors and had switched allegiances.  They suffered significant losses during their attacks upon the Apatosaur defenders at Dinosova.  However, they greatly outnumbered the Apatosaurs, and many Apatosaurs were being killed or seriously injured by the attacks.  Dinosova was in danger of falling into enemy hands within days.

If that news was not bad enough, yesterday General Osoris had received news of light attacks against the fortresses of Jurassia, Cretalion, and Triasso.  In these locations, the Stegosaurs and Triceratops were attacking with far fewer numbers than they were using at Dinosova.  While some officers under Osoris’ command felt that General Seeraptor’s supply of mercenaries had been stretched thin because of the massive attack upon Dinosova, General Osoris felt that the Raptor leader was simply using these attacks to gauge the strength of the defense before lunching a full scale attack.

The General’s radio crackled with static.

Frankly, Democratic congressman Anthony Weiner is in a lot of hot water these days.  He sent racy photos (of his, well … use your imagination) to several women over the internet and lied about it when he was confronted.  (His acting was definitely not Oscar-worthy.)  When he finally came clean, it turns out that he was having online relationships with six women.

The media frenzy around the scandal has reached a boil, and many inside the Washington power circle are attempting the skewer the congressman.  The Republicans are relishing this opportunity, pushing Weiner to resign.  Members of Weiner’s own party are turning against him, joining the Republicans in the chorus, in an attempt to distance themselves from the congressman.

The most likely situation is that Weiner will resign, a special election will be held, and the democratic candidate will win.  The Democrats will continue to represent New York’s 9th congressional district.  They’ll lose Weiner’s seniority, but also distance themselves a bit from Weinergate.  It’s possible that a Republican can would, but it would be an uphill climb in the left-leaning 9th district.

My question is this:  why are the Republicans in such a hurry to see him go?  Time and time again, the opposition party tries to force someone to resign when they become embroiled in ethical issues.  Wouldn’t it be better to allow Weiner to keep his seat?

Here’s my logic.  If Weiner resigns and is replaced, the scandal will eventually fade, another Democrat will be elected to represent New York’s 9th congressional district, and the country will forget about Anthony Weiner (since the vast majority never knew he existed before this scandal).  The lasting impact will be minimal.

However … if Weiner stays in office, the Republicans have an albatross to hang around the neck of President Obama and the rest of the Democrats.  Find a photo of Democratic Senator John Doe giving Weiner a high five and use it in a commercial to support Doe’s opponent – painting Doe as a friend of Weiner, and painting the Democrats as the Weiner party.

The best plan for the GOP: keep Weiner in the House!

Bubba Starling recently graduated from high school and has committed to play quarterback for the Nebraska Cornhuskers.  Starling is also one of the top baseball prospects and was selected 5th overall in this year’s baseball draft.  The kicker?  He was picked by his hometown Kansas City Royals.

Starling has a decision looming.  He can choose to sign with the Royals and spurn the Huskers.  He can spurn the Royals and stay with the Huskers. 

Or he can do both.  The NCAA allows an athlete to participate as a professional in one sport while retaining amateur status in a different sport.  The football/baseball combination is by far the most common due to relatively small season overlaps.  While it’s not exactly common, it’s also not particularly rare.  For example, Clemson starting quarterback Kyle Parker was a first round pick of the Rockies in 2010 and continues to play both sports.

However, either the Huskers or the Royals could give Starling an ultimatum and force him to pick one sport or the other.  The football injury to Bo Jackson may be fresh in the minds of many in the Royals organization, so they may not be eager to see Starling lining up at quarterback.  The Huskers, too, would prefer to have Starling focus on just one sport – but as an outfielder, his injury risk is relatively low.  (Conversely, if he were a pitcher, he’d be more prone to arm injuries, which would hinder his ability to player quarterback).

Of course, the one thing that the Royals can offer that the Huskers can’t is money.  (Hey, this isn’t Ohio State!).  How much?  I wouldn’t be surprised to see an offer in excess of $5 million, considering the leverage that Starling has as a two sport athlete.

My advice?  Take the money.  If you can balance both sports, great.  But there is no guarantee that Starling will ever make a dime from football.  There are a lot of highly touted high school quarterbacks who never make it to the NFL.  If Starling choose to forgo college at this point, he can negotiate inclusion in Major League Baseball’s College Scholarship Program and pursue his degree at a later date.

If Starling doesn’t sign with the Royals, he wouldn’t be eligible for the draft again until 2014, unless he transfers to a junior college (JUCO players are eligible after their freshman and sophomore seasons).

The Royals wouldn’t be left completely high and dry if Starling doesn’t sign.  They would receive a compensatory pick in 2012 immediately following the pick of the team with the 5th worst record.  This most likely would be pick #6, but could be lower (if players picked in the top 4 spots don’t sign with their teams and thus yield compensatory picks for those teams).

In other draft news … teams really seemed to be shying away from injured players.  TCU pitcher Matt Purke was picked #14 overall out of high school in 2009.  He actually agreed to a $6 million bonus with the Rangers, but Major League Baseball had veto power because of the Rangers’ troubled finances, and they nixed the deal.  Purke eventually opted to go to college.  He was 16-0 as a freshman for the Horned Frogs.  This year, he has been fighting bursitis in his shoulder.  He was a draft-eligible sophomore (due to the fact that he was 21 before the draft) and slipped all the way to #96, where he was snapped up by the Nationals.

I understand the concern about the injury, but this is clearly a guy with elite talent.  Sure, he might not make it to the majors because of injuries, but it’s quite likely a lot of the guys ahead of him won’t make it simply because their talent level isn’t high enough.  Why are teams willing to take a gamble on a guy with a lower talent ceiling and no injury history than guys with higher ceilings but some injury history?  To compound the situation, a lot of the “healthy” guys will encounter career-ending injuries.

And, off the diamond, former Major Leaguer Lenny Dykstra is in the news again.  This time for his arrest on grand theft auto and a variety of drug charges.  Dykstra was always a guy who colored outside the lines, but his life has been in a tail spin for several years.