The SoapBoxers

You often hear people hold the virtue of “consistency” aloft as the gold standard in sports.  It’s great to know that Joe Star is going to go out and put up the same stellar numbers in every game, right?

Not necessarily.  At some point, we get into diminishing marginal returns of sucky performances.  Let’s say Joe Bad goes out and throws four interceptions and loses two fumbles in a game.  Joe Worse throws seven interceptions and loses four fumbles.  Joe Worse hurt his team a lot more, right?  No, not really.  Joe Bad’s team was almost certain to lose the game with him turning the ball over seven times.  Throwing a couple more interceptions and fumbling two more times might look worse in the stat sheet, but it only affects the chance of winning a small bit.

The same principle comes into play in my favorite sport.  If you haven’t noticed, that sport happens to be baseball.  It makes little difference if a pitcher gives up seven runs or 27.  Unless the game is in Coors Field, it’s an almost certain loss for his team.  The 27 run outing is going to absolutely kill the guy’s ERA, but his team still lost just one game that day. 

Sometimes, you will hear announcers talk about pitchers with similar numbers, but point out (negatively) that one pitcher has a tendency to get his brain bashed every once in a while.  In actuality, this guy is probably the more valuable pitcher.  He might be getting absolutely rocked in 10-20% of his outings, but he’s outperforming the other guy in the other 80-90% of the games in order to have similar season numbers.  It’s important not to miss the forest for the trees.  The single game in which the pitcher took a beating accounts for just 1/162 of the season.  It should not overshadow the rest of his performances.

The takeaway on this?  Don’t dwell on the outliers; look at the entire body of work.

THE RESIN BAG

Giants (and ESPN) announcer Jon Miller made a fool of himself by accusing the Colorado Rockies of cheating via ball swapping trickery.  The Rockies have an MLB-approved humidor to keep baseballs at a constant humidity level.  Without the humidor, the balls quickly dry out at the high altitude, resulting in lighter balls that travel further.  The humidor is an attempt to keep a bit of a lid on offense.  (Why don’t all parks have humidors?  I don’t know.  I personally think they should.)  Anyway, Miller suggested that the recent hot streak by the Rockies might be a result of them sneaking non-humidored balls in to the umpire when they needed some offensive help late in games.

There are a few reasons why this isn’t particularly feasible.  First, the umpire rubs down all the balls with mud before the game (to reduce glare from the white surface).  How would the “cheater” balls get re-separated after the rubbing?  Second, what happens if the ball boy gives the ump several “cheater” balls and then the inning ends on the next pitch – the opposition would have the advantage of hitting the “cheater” balls.

But the most damning factor is that many pitchers have said that there is a discernible difference in the way the humidor balls feels as opposed to how a dry ball feels.  Not only is there a difference in the way it feels, but also the weight of the ball.  It might not be enough of a difference for the casual fan to notice, but pitchers are going to notice.

LeBron James decided to join Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosch on the Miami Heat.  I wasn’t shocked by the move, but was saddened a bit.  For the last few years, the only reason I have followed the NBA was to see if LeBron could bring a title to his hometown.  I’m not a fan of the style of play, and have been a marginal follower for the past decade. 

The NCAA basketball tournament is going to expand to 68 teams.  Instead of having four play-in games where the winner will play the #1 seed, the last eight at large teams (likely 11 or 12 seeds) will face off against each other for the right to stay alive in the tournament.  I hate this idea, because I think that 64 is the perfect number.  This change is likely to mess up a lot of bracket pools around the country.  Do you start counting games on Tuesday or on Thursday?

18 year old Mike Trout, an Angels farmhand, had a nice weekend.  In the Futures Game over the weekend, he had a single and double and reached twice on errors caused by the defense trying to hurry to beat his speed.  Later, he was promoted from low-A Cedar Rapids to high-A Rancho Cucamonga.  Trout has blazing speed and could have good power by the time he fully develops.  If he can stay in centerfield, he could be an extremely valuable player for years to come.

And speaking of reaching on an error … a batter is credited with an out when he reached on an error.  That’s why Trout was listed as 2 for 4 in the game.  In the same way, a fielder is credited with an assist even if the player he throws the ball to makes an error.  This is a bit weird, as players are being penalized (or rewarded) for things that should have happened.  In the case of the fielder, I don’t have a big problem with it.  But for the batter, I don’t like it, especially when the player forced an error with his speed.  Shouldn’t the batter get some credit, or at worst, simply not get charged with an at bat (as is the case with sacrifices)?

George Steinbrenner passed away at the age of 80 following a heart attack.  The much maligned owner had been in poor health for the past few years.

My daughter, age 2 (soon to be 3), seems to have acquired a favorite quote from a TV show.  Last weekend, she started saying “Wait a minute!  coconuts don’t have feet!”  The line, of course, is from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode Goofy’s Coconutty Monkey.  Spoiler alert: Chip and Dale stole the coconuts.

This got me started thinking about my favorite lines from movies.  There’s the old standby – “My Name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die!” – uttered by Mr. Montoya in The Princess Bride.

My very favorite line from a movie actually requires an explanation.  The quote is this: “Oh.  Dog and a beer.”

OK, how many of you know exactly where that comes from?  There’s probably one person out there.  It comes from The Field of Dreams, an all-time favorite movie of mine.  The brilliance isn’t in the line itself.  It’s in the setup.  Prior to this, Ray Kinsella had asked Terence Mann “What do you want?”  Mann had responded “I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy.”  This is a perfectly fitting response for a reclusive author who hates the spotlight.

Then we see Ray gesture up at a concession stand and he asks “No, I mean, what do you want.”  At this point, the question shifts from something that requires an answer from deep within the soul to something that requires an answer from deep within the stomach – eliciting the request for a hot dog and a beer.  The setup is everything.

What’s your favorite movie line?

Today is the 600th article in the history of The Soap Boxers.  Recently, in preparation for the launch of The Victimless Crime and Other Stories, I’ve been looking back at some of my older stories.  I’ve featured 70 fiction stories on The Soap Boxers.   Today, I look back at some of my favorites.

The one that started it all – Although Tina was technically written earlier (years ago), Release Point was the first story written specifically for you, the audience of The Soap Boxers.  It features Jerome Franklin, a baseball prospect who is on the last of his nine lives in baseball and needs to have a breakthrough year.

The one that made a social statement – Most of my stories are simply pieces of fiction with no attempt to make any sort of statement.  The characters may advance their own agendas, but the author is not attempting to make a statement.  Warm Feet is the exception, as it puts a positive spin on the topic of gay marriage.  In spite of the fact that I have no openly gay friends, this issue has become a hot topic for me in recent years.  I expected this to be somewhat controversial, but nobody really had any comments for or against the story.

The freakiest one – A lot of people were freaked out by Tale of the Wolf, but I don’t consider it the freakiest story I’ve written.  That honor goes to Friends for Thanksgiving.  Oh, and I apologize for the second part of Tale of the Wolf – it’s quite weak.

Perseverance against the odds – Heidi and the Shark features a woman battling against a fearsome beast to save her life.  I hammered this out in about 20 minutes after an offhand comment someone made about looking for sharks on their next trip to the beach,

Favorite animal stories – This was a real toss-up.  I’ve written a few stories about animals.  Perhaps my favorite is What Really Killed the Dinosaurs, which puts that silly meteorite theory to rest.  I had a lot of fun with this story.  You’ll note that there is a base at Tulowitz.  The name is derived from that of Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki.  Toronso is a twist of Toronto.  Look closely at other names and you might see where they came from.  I also had a lot of fun with The Attack, which tells the tale of a family of wolves launching an attack on a henhouse.

Favorite sports story– I’ve written quite a few stories about sports.  I’ve covered basketball, football, bull riding, track, and auto racing.  Most of the sports stories are written about baseball.  Additionally, baseball pops up in the background of many stories where it is not the primary focus.  This is, of course, due to the fact that I’m a huge fan.  My favorite baseball story?  The Rookie.

O. Henry – In recent months, I’ve been working on the technique of putting a surprising twist at the end of stories, in the manner of the great author O. Henry.  My favorite of these stories is the dramatic Second Chances and the humorous The Champion.

Of course, you can peruse all of the stories and pick your favorites.  Or you can purchase PDF versions at the Hyrax Publications store.  Not only do the PDFs provide a more user-friendly interface to the stories, but they’ve been given a second round of proofreading.  Quite a few items are on sale right now.

Long time readers – which of the stories was your favorite?

The alarm clock jarred Calvin Chance from a fitful sleep.  Calvin slapped the snooze button and pulled the blankets over his head.  At 6:22 AM the alarm erupted with noise again, and Calvin had to make a decision.

Calvin decided that he would not work today.  He called the boss and left a message saying that he was sick with the flu.  Calvin turned off the blasted alarm clock and once again used the blankets to shield himself from the outside world.

At the crack of noon, Calvin’s body was suffering an overdose of sleep, and he was thrust unwillingly into consciousness.  He yawned and finally arose from his bed.

First, it was time for a shower.  Calvin pondered the risks.  A surprising number of people died in shower-related accidents each year.  Water was truly the hidden killer.  On this, of all days, Calvin decided that he would forgo the shower.  It simply wasn’t worth the risk.

Calvin’s stomach had begun to growl.  It was time for lunch.  He was really craving a burger from the corner diner.  Calvin gave serious thought to leaving the house in pursuit of lunch.  Finally, he decided it was simply too dangerous.  Driving a car to the diner was essentially inviting an accident to happen.  Calvin was definitely capable of walking the three blocks, but that would mean crossing a busy intersection.  How could he be sure that a car wouldn’t run a red light and send him hurtling toward Saint Peter at the pearly gates?  No thank you.  Calvin would be staying home for lunch today.

Calvin wondered if perhaps he should have a pizza delivered.  He quickly abandoned this idea as well.  With his luck, the delivery driver would be a psycho who would slice his throat with a pizza cutter.  Calvin double checked to doors to make sure that the deadbolt was engaged.

He quickly ruled out anything that involved the oven.  Ovens were inherently dangerous.  Even if the gas stove didn’t leak and cause an explosion, he was likely to burn himself.  He thought about slicing some cheese, but decided that using a knife would not be a good idea.  Finally, he settled on a jelly sandwich.  He spooned the grape goop onto a slice of bread and took very small bites to minimize the risk of choking.

After lunch, Calvin decided that he would read one of the books that had been gathering dust on the shelf.  A moment later, he realized the danger that paper cuts could cause.  He could easily slice a vein on one of the sharp pages and bleed to death before anyone found him.  He turned to the television for a moment, before realizing the dangers of an electrical device.  His whole house was a death trap.  Calvin gathered up his blankets and pillow and barricaded himself into the safe room in the middle of the house.  Truly, this was a place for him to wait until the danger had passed.  Friday the 13^th was not something to be trifled with.

Calvin huddled in the corner for hours, afraid to make any sudden moves, lest he pull a ligament and become disabled.  As night fell, he realized that the game would be on soon.  He decided to take a gamble.  Calvin slowly made his way to the corner, where a small battery operated radio sat.  He turned the station to 850 AM and waited for the game to begin.

A few minutes later, the station noted the passage of the hour.  “The time is 7:00 PM on Thursday the 12^th of August.”

I haven’t released a volume of my fiction since January.  With two little ones at home now, it has been more difficult to make progress on the longer story that I try to include as a bonus.  However, I have been making progress lately, and should be ready to deliver a new volume later this month or in early August.  I’m pushing for late July.

Instead of the naming convention I have used in the past (The Fiction of Kosmo: Volume X), this volume will be titled The Victimless Crime and Other Stories.  Not surprisingly, the main story will be The Victimless Crime.  I’ve had a lot of ideas for the centerpiece of the edition before settling on this.  Some of the other ideas may very well make their way into the centerpiece of a future edition.  At the beginning of this story, police are interviewing a man they believe witnessed a crime.  The witness misunderstands the situation and confesses to a murder.  The rest of the story chronicles the efforts of the police department to piece together the crime.  In an effort to be as true to life as possible, I have engaged the services of a former law enforcement officer to serve as a technical consultant.  His assistance has been very valuable so far.

Of course, I’ll also bundle a bunch of other stories with The Victimless Crime.  At this point, twenty six other stories will be included.  The shorter stories have all appeared on The Soap Boxers, but their inclusion in the PDF allows you easier access to them – not to mention the fact that I have proofread them a second time.  The final version will likely have at least 30 stories (including The Victimless Crime).  How long?  I think we’ll be look at 100 pages and around 30,000 words.

I’m also going to make an effort to simultaneously launch the audio version of The Victimless Crime.  There will be three different purchase options –  The PDF eBook, An MP3 Audio book narrated by Kosmo (just The Victimless Crime, not the other stories), and a combination edition that may include a small bonus.  What’s that bonus?  Kosmo doing a very short stand-up comedy routine.  I’m not guaranteeing this, but it’s a strong possibility.

I’m still working on the pricing.  As usual, I’ll try to keep prices low enough for anyone to afford.  Also as usual, regular readers and RSS subscribers will get a discount on the basic edition.

This is the fourth volume of fiction I have released. The combined word count will be around 80,000 words.  This should go a long way toward quelling any doubts I might have about my ability to write a novel.  Essentially, I have created a novel-length work – I’ve just done it one story at a time.

The audio book edition of The Cell Window continues to get good reviews.  If you haven’t bought it yet, purchase it today.  I’ll happily refund your money if you’re not satisfied.

Hot Dog

Joey Chestnut defended his title at the Nathan’s Famous hot dog contest over the weekend – but he was overshadowed by the actions of former champion Takeru Kobayashi.  Kobayashi slipped past security and on to the stage following the contest.  He was arrested for trespassing, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and obstruction of governmental administration (yeah, I have no clue what this last one is).  He was released after a night in jail and faces a hearing today.

What’s at the heart of this issue?  A contract.  Partipants at the contest must sign contracts witg Major League Eating.  This contract prevents the eaters from participating in contests not sanctioned by MLE.  MLE says that this is to protect sponsors.  Pepto Bismol is a sponsor of the Nathan’s contest.  If the contestants were to compete in a Tums-sponsored even on the 3rd (or 5th) this would dilute the value of the sponsorship.  Kobayashi insists that he just wants the freedom to participate wherever he wants.

The solution to this seems pretty straightforward – allow for a sponsor’s exemption.  If all the sponsors for an event agree to allow a non-member to compete, then MLE would waive the requirement.  This isn’t a completely foreign concept – the PGA and LPGA golf tours have sponsor’s exemptions for tournaments.

I’ve always been a bit fan of Kobayashi’s, but I was very disappointed to see him stoop to this level.  I hope that he and MLE can reach an agreement at some point.

All Stars

The Major League Baseball All Star Game will be played next Tuesday night.  Rockies pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez was named to the team.  Jimenez was rocked for 7 runs against the Giants on Saturday, but escaped with a no-decision and currently stands with a record of 14-1.  Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki was named to his first All Star game, but will be unable to played due to a broken wrist.  Rockies outfielder Carlos “Car Bomb” Gonzalez is on the “Final Man” ballot.  Vote for him, please …

Matt Holliday (formerly of the Rockies and currently with the Cardinals) was named to the National League team, to the surprise of ESPN, who said “One surprising pick was St. Louis’ Matt Holliday. In the first year of a seven-year, $120 million deal, Holliday is batting .209 with runners in scoring position and has 39 RBIs — fourth-best on the team.”

It’s a shame that the dominant provider of sports entertainment would make such a gaffe.  First of all, RBI has long been consider a poor way to judge the value of a player.  The statistic is heavily influenced by the players hitting in front of the batter.  If they don’t get on base, he can’t drive them, in.  The batting average for runners in scoring position hasn’t been ridiculed as much as RBI, but many observer feel that that “clutch hitting” is much more rooted in luck than skill. 

What, then, would I suggest using?  Maybe something like Wins Above Replacement (WAR).  WAR measures a player’s offensive and defensive value, adjusting for their positon and for the value a replacement-level player could provide  (get more info on WAR here).  Where does Holliday rank amongst National League outfielders in WAR?  Yep – first.

[Update: on March 2, The Supreme Court ruled 8-1 in favor of Phelphs (Westboro’s pastor).  This particular article was written in July of 2010.  An article relating to the SCOTUS ruling will appear on The Soap Boxers in the coming days.]

The Westboro Baptist Church (which has no ties to mainstream Baptist churches) is an organization which spends its time spreading hatred.  The group has gained much of their notoriety for protesting at the funerals of soldiers who have died fighting for their country.  The protesters carry anti-gay signs, which tends to cause a bit of confusion.  A while ago, my wife asked me what the connecion was – since the soldiers, in almost every circumstance, are NOT gay.

Her mistake was trying to apply logic to a situation where none exists.  WBC claims that dead soldiers are God’s punishment for the country’s tolerance of gays.  As someone who is a proponent of equal rights for all, the assertion that the US is tolerant of gays seems to be not particularly accurate.  Certainly, we are not as tolerant as many of our European allies.

This issue has caused me quite a lot of internal conflict.  I am a firm believer that free speech is a very important personal freedom.  However, I also believe that one person’s expression of free speech should not infringe on the rights of another.  While the right to mourn in peace is not granted by the Constitution, it IS granted by the concept of “being a human being.”

I have even gone so far as to wonder if perhaps the 1^st Amendment was in need of some revision.  While I believe that the Constitution is a very important document, I also believe that the founders would have wanted this to be more of a “living” document than it has become.  What’s my evidence of this?  The fact that they made ten changes (The Bill of Rights) before the ink was even dry.  223 years later, the total number of amendments stands at just 27 (and the purpose of the 21^st was simply to repeal the 18^th).

After a bit of searching, I now realize that we don’t need to change the constitution to prevent hate mongers from using it as a shield for their speech.  There is already a restriction in place.  In 1942, in the case of Chaplinsky vs. New Hampshire, the United Stated Supreme court unanimously ruled that this sort of speech is not protected.

There are certain well-defined and narrowly limited classes of speech, the prevention and punishment of which have never been thought to raise any constitutional problem. These include the lewd and obscene, the profane, the libelous, and the insulting or “fighting words” those which by their very utterance inflict injury or tend to incite an immediate breach of the peace. It has been well observed that such utterances are no essential part of any exposition of ideas, and are of such slight social value as a step to truth that any benefit that may be derived from them is clearly outweighed by the social interest in order and morality.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Chaplinksy is going to get another test soon.  WBC protestors were present at the 2006 funeral of Marine Lance Corporal Matthew A. Snyder.  Three months after the funeral, the family sued for defamation, invasion of privacy, and intentional infliction of emotional distress.  A jury ruled against WBC and awarded $10.9 million in damages.  In 2009, an appeals court ruled that the WBC’s action were protected by the first amendment and ordered the plaintiff (the dead soldier’s father) to pay WBC’s attorney fees ($16,000).

Not surprisingly, many people have lined up behind the Snyder family.  Political commentator Bill O’Reilly has offered to pick up the tab, and thousands of others have pledge donations.

The US Supreme Court has granted certiorari to the case of Snyder vs. Phelps (Fred Phelps is the head of WBC) and the case will be on the docket when the Court convenes in the fall.

The list of people filing amicus (“friends of the court”) briefs is a who’s who of political bigwigs, including 43 US Senators and the Attorneys General of all but two states (Maine and Virginia).  It is my hope that the Court will rule in favor of the Snyder family and further clarify and reinforce the thoughts first addressed by Chaplinsky.

While we wait for the decision of the Court, the Patriot Guard Riders are not standing idly by.  Members of this motorcycle organization gather at the funerals of veterans (at the request of the family) and rev their engines in an effort to drown out the protestors.

The impact sent the bucket of Gatorade crashing to the floor, covering the concrete with a sticky yellow mess.

Colton Zephyr spun around and directed his venom at a human target.  He zeroed in on his third baseman, Gary Butler.

“You cost us the game,” he yelled.  “You stupid little butthead.”   Zephyr got a firm grasp on the bat and took a stride toward Butler.  As he prepared to take a swing at the defenseless player, three teammates tackled him.

Perennial All-Star Gordon Howard took the lead.  “You’re coming with us, Volcano,” he said as he gave Zephyr a shove back toward the clubhouse.  When they reached the clubhouse, Howard shoved Zephyr into a storage closet and locked the door.  “Stay in there and cool down, Volcano.  Someone will check on you after the game.  Maybe.”

With no further eruptions from Colton “Volcano” Zephyr to distract the team, the Bears clawed their way back into the game before Gary Butler and Gordon Howard hit back to back jacks in the ninth to send the fans home happy.

As he watched his team celebrate the hard-fought win, Skipper McGee headed back toward the clubhouse to take care of business.  He unlocked the closet and marched Zephyr back to his office.  The manager collapsed into a chair on the opposite side of the desk from the pitcher.

McGee thought about the situation for a moment.  A couple of years ago, Colton Zephyr had been a top shelf starting pitcher – a rising star in the league.  Some observers felt that the Bears had achieved a coup by retaining Zephyr at a cost of $90 million over 5 years.  It was a lot of money, but the New York Bombers seemed willing to pony up even more cash.

Zephyr had always been an excitable player, but halfway through his contract, he was becoming a serious distraction to the team.

McGee looked up at Zephyr.  The pitcher glared back at him.

“Colton, my boy, we need to have a talk.  You’re becoming a serious distraction to the team.”

Zephyr interrupted his manager.  “Yeah, yeah.  I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again.  I’ll get some counseling.  Yadda yadda yadda.”

“You’re right,” agreed McGee.  “It definitely won’t happen again with the Bears organization.  The boys upstairs made the decision several months ago.  The next time Volcano erupts, he’s gone.  The Bears are going to sever ties with you.”

Colton Zephyr laughed hysterically.  “Is that supposed to be a punishment?  I get to escape from one of the worst teams in the league!  It’s a guaranteed contract, so you still have to pay me.  Thanks for cutting me loose, Skip.  Just cut me my check and I’ll be on my way to the bank.”

“No so fast,” countered Skipper McGee.  “Actually, you’re going to retire from baseball and forfeit the money left on your contract.”

Zephyr laughed.  “Walk away from $45 million?  Why would I do that?  You’ve been out in the sun too long, Skip.  You’re getting a bit soft in the head.”

“We discussed this with our in house counsel …”

“And the quack lawyers told you that you had a leg to stand on?  Forget it, Skip.  The money is guaranteed and the union will crucify you if you try to steal it from me.”

“We had them review video footage from your previous incidents.  In their opinion, you have committed no fewer than six felonies and a dozen misdemeanors.  If we were to turn the videos over to the district attorney and have your teammates serve as corroborating witnesses, you would be facing some serious time behind bars.  Twenty years was the conservative estimate.  If you walk away from the game and leave the money on the table, we’ll keep the DA in the dark.”

“You can have the $45 million,” continued McGee, “or you can have your freedom.  The choice is yours.”

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I’m a firm believer that lowering the stress in your life will help you live longer.  The best way to do this is to make your attitude more positive.  But how do you do this?

Work to live, don’t live to work. I work for a great company and enjoy my career.  However, I don’t let it consume my life.  When I’m away from work, I try not to think about it very much (other than those time when the phone rings at 2 AM and I have to help resolve a production problem).

Get a hobby. Having a hobby can take your mind away from problems for short periods of time.  It can be following a sport, mountain climbing, or stamp collecting.  It’s not terribly important that the hobby is, just that there is a hobby.  I have a few hobbies in my life.  Obviously, The Soap Boxers is my biggest hobby, and I am also a rabid baseball fan.

Spread happiness. A good mood can be contagious, so try to spread it around.  I generally try to get a few people to laugh every day.  I like to pipe up with a random “whutup, dawg?” as a greeting as some point in the day.  It’s a complete departure from my normal manner of speaking, and usually catches a person off guard.

Make your workplace a less dreary environment. Like it or not, you will spend a lot of time at work over the course of your lifetime.  First and foremost, find a way to get along with your co-workers.  They don’t have to be your BFFs, but if you can comfortably chat with them around the water cooler, it will be easier to work with them when the stress level is higher.  If you have some control over your work environment, customize it to make it less of a downer.  I have worked in a cubicle for the last 13 years.  I’m one of those people who over-customize their cubicle.  I have a parade of small animals lined up on my cubicle walls.  During a high stress situation, looking up and seeing the T-Rex stalking the squirrel puts a smile on my face.  My co-workers are also amused by the animals.

Music, baby.  MUSIC. Music can be a huge key to happiness.  There are a few “happy songs” that can pull me out of just about any bad mood.  Off the top of my head – Take it Easy by The Eagles, Let it Be by The Beatles, Fins by Jimmy Buffett, and Cheap Seats by Alabama.  If I can get those songs going through my head, my mood will almost certainly improve.

Finally, realize that some things are simply beyond your control.  Example: you have plans to go to a baseball game this weekend.  There’s a massive storm cell threatening the area.  If your city gets pounded by the storms, the game is going to get rained out and your weekend will be ruined.  This is a bad situation – but what are you going to do about it?  You can’t control the weather … so just let things unfold and make the best of the situation.  There’s no point in getting stressed out over something as uncontrollable as the weather.

The running back started to the left, then cut back to the right and had just broken into the open field when the television screen went dark – along with all of the lights in the house. The blizzard had been causing intermittent power outages, but it soon became apparent that electricity would not be returning tonight.

Steven immediately focused his attention on the highest priority task. He grabbed his crutches and hobbled around the house in search of a portable radio. He was convalescing at Amy’s house and was still figuring out where things were located. Ten minutes later, he was in possession of a state of the art boom box, circa 1985. The radio was even equipped with dual cassette decks (for easy dubbing, according to the manufacturer). Steven popped open the battery compartment and saw that he would need 4 D batteries.

His battery search bore fruit when Steven stepped into Amy’s “game room”. The room held dozens of board games, puzzles, golf clubs, a croquet set – anything you needed to have a good time. Steven could spot a cache of batteries on the top shelf of a closet in the room. He put all of his weight on his strong leg and reached above his head. He was able to reach the batteries, but they came down in a less orderly fashion than he would have preferred – the box of batteries conked him on the head on the way to the floor.

Steven grabbed a handful of D cell batteries and quickly had the radio tuned to the game. He looked around the room and saw that the pieces to a jigsaw puzzle had been laid out on coffee table in the middle of the room. Amy was crazy about puzzles – there were probably a hundred of them in the closet.

Steven decided to take a shot at the puzzle while he listened to the game. He took a seat on the floor and positioned his legs under the table. He began the task by separating out the outside pieces.

Two hours later, the football game was over – and Steven was becoming increasingly frustrated at the puzzle. He had only been able to put together bits and pieces of the outside of the puzzle. He had assembled some interior pieces, but he struggled to figure out how they went together. He had one chunk that pictured snow capped mountains, other pieces that showed a herd of elephants, and another portion an amusement park in a state of neglect – with roller coaster tracks that had begun to break into pieces and fall back to the ground. Other pieces didn’t seem to fit at all.

Steven was lost in his thoughts as was started when he heard the sound of a cough coming from the doorway. Amy had returned from work.

Steven smiled and looked up at Amy. “Finally, someone who can answer the great mystery of the universe. What the heck is this puzzle supposed to be.”

Amy laughed before responding. “Oh, dear. I hope you haven’t wasted much time. Those are all the extra pieces I found on the floor of the closet when I did spring cleaning. You’d got parts of at least a dozen puzzles.”