The SoapBoxers

As a caveat – I follow football, but I am not a rabid fan.  If you’re looking for an analysis of how player X fits into a team’s 4-3 defensive scheme, you’re looking in the wrong place.  I’m looking to high a few interesting stories from the draft.

Stafford vs. Sanchez

Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford was the top overall pick in the NFL draft.  Stafford is a fine player.  However, his contract – 6 years with $41.7 million guanteed and  $78 million maximum value (if some rather lofty performance goals are met – quite unlikely) is staggering to many.  Try as they might, the NFL teams have not found a foolproof way to determine which players will excel and which will falter at the NFL level.  If Stafford goes the route of many before him (Akili Smith, Tim Couch, Ryan Leaf, et al) the Lions will end up eating forty million dollars and getting very little for their money.  Some players simply see the guaranteed money, decide that they are set for life, and just go through the motions until a team cuts them loose.  I’m not suggestion that this is the case with Stafford – just that the risk is there.  I’m opposed to a rookie salary cap, on the principle that I tend to oppose things that inhibit the free market economy.  I’m not really sure that there is a perfect solution.

The Jets traded to get pick #5 so that they could draft USC quarterback Matt Sanchez.  Some observers had Sanchez ranked ahead of Stafford.  Sanchez will likely see a contract that is much smaller than that of Stafford’s.  From a pure financial perspective, the Jet have a smaller risk and a player with possibly more upside than Stafford.

Another Sanchez note: The St. Louis Rams, with the #2 overall pick, bought a plane ticket for Sanchez.  This created considerable buzz that the Rams were considering Sanchez.  Most likely, it was a cheap way (in terms of dollars) to try to fake out another team so that the other team would try to trade for the #2 pick.  There’s very little downside to this move, even though it didn’t work out.  Well played, Rams.

On the subject of analysts: I heard someone mentioned that it is important to place a quarterback in a system that suits them.  Yes!  You always hear about guys who are “system quarterbacks”.  If this is a QB who can succeed in a particular system, why wouldn’t you attempt to build the system around them?

Michael Oher

Michael Oher  never knew his father, had a mother who was a crack addict, and repeated first and second grade.  He lived in various foster homes.  When he was 16, Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy agreed to have Michael live with them.  The presence of the African-American Oher in the house of the Caucasian Touhys caused concern from some friends, especially considering Michael’s troubled past.  The Touhys shrugged this off and became the only real family Michael has ever known.  Michael eventually sorted out a dismal academic record while he also excelled on the football field.

On Saturday, left tackled Michael Oher become the #23 overall pick in the NFL draft, a first round selection by the Baltimore Ravens.  He is a true testament to perseverance and overcoming adversity.

Rhett Bomar

Rhett Bomar was the starting quarterback at Oklahoma in 2005.  He was kicked off the team in 2006 when reports surfaced that Bomar had been overpaid by an employer – being paid for hours that were not acutally worked.  Clearly, this was a mistake by Bomar.  However, he picked up the pieces and transferred to 1-AA Sam Houston State – a school with about 1% of the publicity of Oklahoma (and that is a generous estimate).  In two years, Bomar shattered records at Sam Houston State and was a finalist for the Walter Payton Award that is given annually to the best player in division 1-AA.

On Saturday, Bomar was picked in the 5th round by the New York Giants.  Clearly, with Eli Manning entrenched at quarterback, Bomar will not be the starter next year.  However, Bomar does have an opportunity to prove himself.  If he goes into the situation with the right attitude, he might eventually be a starting quarterback in the NFL.

Raiders

Not surprisingly, the Oakland Raiders made the “what were they thinking” pick of the draft, picking wide receiver Darrius Heyward-Bey at #7.  Most people agree that Heyward-Bey was a legit first rounder, but not at #7.  To compound the situation, Texas Tech stud WR Michael Crabtree was still on the board (he was taken at #10 by the 49ers).  It’s true that Crabtree benefitted by playing in Mike Leach’s wide open system at Tech, but the kid clearly has great skills.

Back in February, we experienced telemarketing from hell at the hands of TV Guide.  My friend at Lazy Man and Money took an interest, and I wrote another version for his readers – greatly expanding the audience of the story.

Incredibly, we received another call tonight.  Yep – 7:30 PM on a Sunday.  Apparently TV Guide does not have a way to flag people as alientated customers.

If you’re a TV Guide subscriber, take a look at your situation.  With the on screen guides for most cable and dish system, do your really need TV Guide any more?  Or does it just sit in your mail pile until it gets tossed into the recycle bin?  If you do decide to cancel, leave a comment.  I’d like to keep track 🙂

First, I’d like to welcome the new readers who came here via The Digerati Life. Read the current articles, explore the archives, and consider becoming a subscriber. We’ve been pretty sports-heavy in the last week – if you look through the archives, you’ll see that we’re usually a lot more eclectic.

Second, I am happy to announce the release of my new eBook – Selling Yourself Short – An Introduction to Short Story Writing. Selling Yourself Short is a 2500 word introduction to the process of short story writing – from creating your writing environment to developing the plot. In an effort to keep this handy guide affordable to all of our readers, the everyday price is just $1.49. However, for the next week, the price is just 99 cents. Don’t like it? There’s a money back guarantee! Buy it today at the Hyrax Publications store.

And now, on to this vintage article – a review of my favorite restaurant in the whole world.

I find myself in the situation of living several hours away from my favorite restaurant, the result of a move six years ago.  If you ever find yourself in Illinois, Indiana, or Wisconsin, look up Monical’s Pizza.  You’ll be glad you did.

I travel into Monical’s country exactly once a year on a business trip.  After checking into my hotel, I always make a beeline for Monicals.  I also try to hit it at least one other time during the trip.  On my most recent trip, I ate there three times.

The menu at Monical’s features pizza, of course.  You can also get pasta and sandwiches.  I almost always get the pizza, but I’ve also had the spaghetti and meatballs, which are quite good.

Over the years, I have refined my order and have it down to a science.  I get the Individual Pleaser (a combo meal that includes a pizza, salad, and soft drink).  I choose the 8″ thin crust pizza topped with bacon, ham, hamburger, steak, green peppers, and premium blend cheese (a mozzarella/cheddar mix).  I get the salad sans tomatoes and carrots due to an intolerance of vegetables.

The salad comes out immediately.  In my case, simply lettuce topped with shredded cheese.  I’m not a big fan of salads, but the Monical’s salads are always good.  The lettuce is always quite fresh.  The best part of the salad, however, is the french dressing.  Monical’s has quite simply the best french dressing in the world.  If you don’t believe me, go to their web site and order a few bottles.  Unlike a lot of restaurants which give you only a small bit of dressing, Monical’s brings a bottle to the table and lets you use as much as you want.

The construction of my salad is an art.  First, I picked up the entire salad with one hand and hold the bottle in the other hand, laying down a solid base layer of dressing.  Then I drop 1/3 of the lettuce into the bowl and put down another layer of dressing.  By the time I am finished, the lettuce is swimming in the dressing – just as God intended.

When the pizza comes out, it is hot and crispy.  It isn’t burnt, but it’s just on the brink – at the exact level of crispiness that gives the crust a perfect taste.  My particular pizza presents a small problem.  I have a lot of meat toppings, and this gives to toppings a slickness that makes is difficult for the toppings to adhere to the crust.  I fight a small war against the pizza, attempting to take bites that contain equal bits of crust and topping.  Overall, I win the war, but I do lose a few battles, and some of the toppings slide off the crust just as I take a bite.

So the food is great, but what about the people?  Honestly, I’m not sure where they find their employees.  In the overall retail world, it seems that employees have become fairly rude.  This has never been the case when I have eaten at Monicals.  I have always found their employees to be extremely polite and friendly.

OK, but surely the high quality food and good service come at a price, right?  Yep.  I spend the incredible sum of $8.82 on my meal – a pizza with 6 toppings, salad, and soft drink.  I could spend almost that much on a burger at a fast food joint and get only a fraction of the enjoyment.

Is there a regional chain in you’re area that you’re a big fan of?  Tell me about it.

Darren of Problogger calls this a “sneeze post” – check out The Best of the Casual Observer.  These are some of my favorite articles over the brief life of the blog.

On the eve of the NFL draft, I would like to apologize to B.J. Raji.  I jumped on the bandwagon and criticized him for testing positive for marijuana.  It turns out that the initial report were incorrect, and Raji did not test positive.

I have only been blogging seriously for a couple of months few years, so I am by no means an expert.  However, I do think I have learned a few things along the way that brand new bloggers could find helpful.  If you want to jump to the next level and get advice from a professional, check out ProBlogger.

1. Write often.  Without writing, there is no blog.  It is important to get yourself into the habit of writing.  I’m not saying that it is necessary to write something every day.  In fact, for some people (such as those of us with toddlers in the house), this may be a physical impossibility.  However, see if you can write 4+ days a week.  You may be pleasantly surprised to find that the act of writing spurs creativity.  Find a time and location that work for you.  I try to write between 8 and 10 PM each night in a quiet area of the house.  I also have a few notebooks strewn around the house so that I can always grab one to jot down ideas when they pop into my head.
2. Post often.  I try to post about 6 times per week.  Sometimes I will have 2 posts in a day, but most of the time I will have exactly one posts each day.  Am I writing exactly one post each day?  No, of course not.  When I have productive writing sessions, I may write 2 or 3 articles.  Your blog platform almost certainly allows you to schedule articles to be displayed at a future date and time.  Note that this does not work for posts that are timely in nature – a Super Bowl article would not be very appropriate in March, for example.  However, certain topics lend themselves to so-called “evergreen” posts – articles that will be as relevant a year from now as they are today.  On most Fridays, I write an original short story for this blog.  Nobody will know if I write these the night before they are posted, or one month earlier.
3. Write about something  you enjoy.  Most successful bloggers write about a niche that interests them – such as personal finance or sports.  In my particular case, my interests are widley varied, and I didn’t want to constrain myself to a single niche (I blame this on the fact that I am a Gemini).  I write about everything from a celebration of Simpson stamps to grief over meth users who are looting arhaeological sites.  This was a conscious choice that was made with the understanding that a lack of niche would likely limit my readership.  However, this is what I wanted to write, so I followed Sinatra’s cue and did it my way.
4. Take advice graciously.  I fell into a lucky situation where I happened to encounter a successful blogger through another aspect of my “real life”.  This guy has already jumped over a lot of the hurdles that I face now and will face in the future.  It would be pretty stupid not to listen to his advice.  I might not always take the direction he suggests, but I always listen.  You might not have a fairy blogfather, but you’ll probably have friends and readers give you advice.  Don’t dismiss these ideas out of hand – consider them carefully.
5. Read other blogs.  I read several other blogs.  Not only do these spark writing ideas for my own blog, but I ocassionally pick up some cool widget that is being used on another blog and end up incorporating it into my blog.  Also, some people see my comments and go to visit my blog.  Note: this does not mean you should leave “go check out my blog” comments on a bunch of blogs.  Only leave a comment when you are actually adding value to the conversation.  If a comment on another blog generates new traffic for you, that’s nice, but it should not be the sole reason for a comment.
6. Encourage comments.  Make it easy for people to leave comments.  If you allow anonymous comments, you might get a few more spam comments, but you might also get more legitiate comments as well.  Also, allow commenters to link to their own sites or blogs when it is relevant.  The CommentLuv plug-in inserts a short “footer” at the bottom of the comment showing the commenter’s most recent post.  You will see this at work on my blog.  Another plug-in that I like is  the “related websites” plug-in.  This shows posts that are related to your current posts, but also finds related articles on other people’s blog.  The benefit is that your blog’s articles show up as related websites on the other blogs, as well.  You can also use plugins that change URLs within a comment from “no follow” (not indexed by Google) to “do follow” (indexed by Google) so that your commenters will see their own site become more popular in Google (yes, I realize that I have not yet implemented “do follow” on my own blog.  It’s on the agenda, I promise).
7. Use guest writers.  Using a guest writer has a lot of benefits.  First, they provide blog content for you, reducing the number of posts you need to write in a month – while also providing a bit of a change of pace for your readers.  Second, if your guest writer is another blogger, you may get a link from their blog (you should also link to their blog from the guest post, of course).  If they aren’t a blogger, you may get a long term fan.  You might be surprised how easy it is to find guest writers.  I have approached about a half dozen people so far, and I don’t think any of them have competely turned down the request.  Many people in your social circle have interesting stories to tell – let the world hear them.
8. Tell people about your blog.  You probably have friends who have interest that are similar to yours.  When you write something that they might like, send them a link to the article.  Don’t make them dig around in your blog to find it – send them the permalink. 
9. Get some stats.  I like using Sitemeter and Google Analytics to take a look at my traffic patterns.  This allows me to see what my total traffic is, as well as analyzing various aspects of the traffic.  Do you have higher traffic on certain days or certain times of the day?  Why?  Are you seeing a lot of Google hits on certain posts?  It’s also just cool to look at the geographical data.  I get a fair percentage of my traffic from outside of the US, and it’s cool to see which countries are generating the traffic. 
10. Have fun.

OK – does anyone else have any helpful tips for blogger newbies?
 

 

I have had the pleasure of experiencing Niagara Falls twice.  The first time was in 2001 on a solo trip – a stopover of just a few hours.  The second time was a honeymoon trip in 2004 – a considerably longer stay.  In 2001, I was on a trip from Illinois out to the baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York.  At some point, I realized that Niagara Falls was about 20 minutes out of the way.  I didn’t have a huge burning desire to visit Niagara Falls, but it was so close that it seemed silly not to make a side trip.  I was driving from Cooperstown, NY to Sandusky, OH that day, so I didn’t have a lot of time for Niagara Falls.

I was completely blown away.  The Falls have an awesome power.  I stood near the Falls, simply gazing at them for the longest time.  Even more incredible is the fact that much of the water from the Niagara River is diverted into a hydroelectric plant, lessening the amount of water that goes over the Falls.  In spite of this, it was still the most fascinating thing I have ever seen.  An interesting note is that Niagara Falls is the honeymoon capital of the world … and also the suicide capital of the world.

Of course, there is more to do than simply watching the Falls.  First and foremost, take a trip to the Canadian side.  Because of the geography of the Falls, the view from the Canadian side is much better.  From the US side, you’re kind of looking over the Falls from an awkward angle.  From the Canadian side, you’re looking straight into the teeth of the Falls.  The difference is night and day.

The most famous tourist attraction is probably the Maid of the Mist boat ride.  The boat takes you up to the very edge of the Falls (at the bottom, of course).  You eventually get close enough that the Falls pushes the boat away from the Falls and back toward where you came.  Each passenger is given a keepsake plastic raincoat (of the thin variety), and you’ll need it.  You’ll still get wet, though.  Another neat thing right at the Falls in the Journey Under the Falls.  This is a tunnel that actually allows you to walk under the Falls.  At one point, you actually view the Falls from behind.  There are also some other water-based activities in the area.  We took a jet boat ride through the rapids.  It was fairly pricey, but was a pretty cool experience.  You can also dine at a restauant high above the Falls or take a helicopter ride above them.

If you want some of the toursity type of activities, you are definitely in luck.  There are two Hard Rock Cafes (one on the US side, one on the Canadian side), a Planet Hollywood, a Hershey’s store, and a multitude of other stores and attractions (including a Ripley’s Believe It or Not and a few museums).  Of course, there are a large number of stores that sell souvenirs, so you needn’t worry about walking away empty handed.  And if you really want some big city thrill, Toronto beckons.  If you’re a history buff, there is quite a bit of history in the Niagara Falls area.  One example is Fort Niagara.  Fort Niagara is one of the oldest continously operated military bases in the US, dating back to 1726. 

I’ll warn you up front that photography can be a challenge.  The spray from the Falls tends to get the camera lens wet very quickly, leading to blurry photos.

USA Today is reporting that GM will shut down 15 of its plants for 9 weeks between May and July.  GM has a total of 21 plants.

Clearly, by any measure, GM is in a world of hurt.  At the end of 2008, they had a book value (assets – liabilities) of  -$85 billion.  This number has been sinking even lower during 2009 as they chew through bailouts funds given to them by the government.

Here are a few things that will help put this into perspective a bit.

1. If GM were to begin making $10B in profits annually – something they have never done in their history) -starting in 2009, it would take 9 years until the balance sheet was positive.  A more realistic (but still overly optimistic) expectation of $5 billion in profits would result in a positive balance sheet in 17 years.
2. If you, and each of the 300 million residents of the USA, were to give GM a check for $283, this would just barely wipe out the $85 billion in negative equity.

I’d love to see GM turn things around, but they are quickly running out of time (and money).  If GM still exists at the end of 2010, I think it will either being a division of a Japanese manufacturer or it will be a much smaller GM.

We have a card with HSBC that gives us 1% cash back on all purchases and 2% back on weekend purchases.  We’ve started charging a lot of things so that we get the cash back.  Note: we have not changed our spending patterns because of the availability of credit on the card; we simply use the card for purchases they we need to make anyway (such as diapers for the young ‘un).  We pay off the entire balance every month.  A credit card should never be used as an excuse for reckless spending. On the face, it’s a pretty cool card.  We’ve had quite a few negative experiences with the card, though.

Telemarketers

Soon after getting the card, we started getting telemarketing calls.  My wife is listed as the primary cardholder, so they would always ask for her.  When I would ask what the purpose of the call was (my standard question to weed out telemarketers) they would refuse to tell me.  The only wa y we knew that it was HSBC is that we kept track of the number, which we were later able to determine was HSBC, due to subsequent calls.

When my wife actually did answer the phone, she would ask for the purpose of the call, and the telemarketers would completely clam up and not tell her, either.  This was really bizarre.  I have encountered a lot of strange sales pitches over the years, but a sales call during which the caller doesn’t want to talk about the product or service they are selling is definitely a new trick.  After talking to a manager and threatening to cancel the card if these calls did not stop, they calls eventually stopped.  It’s almost as if these folks were in training and dealing with human beings for the first time.

Wrong name

HSBC had a security breach (widespread, not just us) and issued new cards with new numbers.  My wife’s card looked great.  My card, on the other hand, did not.  My name was backwards (Public Q. John instead of John Q. Public).  As someone with a background in IT, it amuses me that they managed to someone get one name right and the other name wrong – indicating that they do not have a particularly consistent process.

My wife called to get this problem fixed.  She’s the primary cardholder, so she gets to have all the fun dealing with HSBC.

The person she talked to seem to struggle to understand the actual problem at first.  This seems a bit odd, since my wife understood it fully in the three seconds I took to explain it to her (“hey, my name is backwards on the credit card”) – shouldn’t someone in the credit card industry be able to grasp this concept?

Finally, he agreed to send a new card, and then stated that he was going to activate the new cards and cancel the old ones.  Thus began another frustrating exchange for my wife, who pointed out that he should not do this, since this would cause me to be without a card.  The HSBC person said that I would be able to use the new card.  It took my wife a long time to point out that I would not be able to use the new card, since the name on the card did not actually match my name.  Sure, logically a merchant might decide that I am indeed the correct person, but they would be well within their rights to reject the card because the signature doesn’t match the name.

Can we sell you more stuff while we’re fixing our goof?

So I finally get the new card with the correct information and call to activate it.  For some reason, I can’t use the automated method and get dumped to a human.  (sigh).  During the activation, she tries to sell me a credit protection product.  I politely tell her I’m not interested and just want to activate the card.

As she is cancelling the old card, she tries once again to sell me this product, which causes me to get a bit upset with her and tell her that she is really not providing good customer service, and that she should just perform the service that I am actually asking for.  &^%%^$%##$@()(*, I already told you once that I am not interested.  I spend a lot of money with your card.  Are you trying to alienate me on purpose?  No means no.

Paranoid fraud alert

We’re at the mall this past weekend and hit Target and a few other stores.  We use the card a total of five times before it starts getting denied.  It turns out that they had flagged out account for suspicious activity.

Target was a fairly big charge, but not substantially larger than what we spend in typical trip.  We always spend a fair amount at Target, because it is our main place to shop.  We have a toddler, and Target is our main supplier of diapers, baby wipes, baby clothes, etc (which can really add up in a hurry).

The other four charges were pretty small charges (one was at Taco Bell).  All of the stores are places where we have repeatedly used the card in the past.  Additionally, the two locations where the card was denied were also places were we often shop.  (Why did I try at a second store after being denied at the first store?  I’m an optimist and assumed that Barnes and Noble had a problem with their card reader.  Nope, the card reader is fine – the card was the problem.)

At this point, I’m really not sure what was so suspicious about the activity.  The total dollar amount was well within our normal spending patterns, and all of the stores were places we had shopped before.

In closing

Needless to say, we’re looking for a new card.  Has anyone had good expereinces?  We’re looking for something with cash back, rather than airline miles or other “rewards”.

UPDATE: I have recently been contacted by someone from the HSBC executive office.  He is interested in taking a look at this situation and determining why these issued occurred.  I haven’t had a chance to respond to him yet.  I do appreciate the fact that HSBC is looking at this as a learning opportunity.  I will update this post with future developments.

SUBSEQUENT UPDATE: read the exciting conclusion to the saga.

A few unusual stories were making the rounds last week. I picked a few of them to highlight.

The saga of Octomom

Nadya Suleman has filed a trademark application for the term “Ocotomom”. She intends to use it in conjunction with baby products and a TV variety show.

I’m not even sure that she has a valid claim to the trademark. I believe the term originated from the media, not from Suleman herself. Thus the reporter who first coined the term could probably claim prior use and invalidate Suleman’s claim.

Second, and more troubling for Nadya is that people aren’t having a particularly positive reaction to her situation, and this would inhibit her ability to cash in with the trademark. I simply don’t see a lot of companies who will be jumping at the chance to hitch their wagons to her star.

Fir goodness sake

A Russian man was diagnosed with lung cancer. He had an operation to remove a tumor from his lung. Doctors were stunned when they removed a two inch fir tree from the man’s lung.

The prevailing theory is that the man inhaled a seed at some point, and that it sprouted with the moist can carbon dioxide rich lungs.

While having a fir tree lodged in your lung isn’t the best thing in the world, it’s a whole lot better than having lung cancer.

Money back

In 2005, Deere and company pledged to create 300 new jobs in the state of Iowa and received seven million dollars in tax credits for creating the jobs. The jobs were created, but in the current economic situations, Deere is not sure that it will retain the jobs through 2010 (as required by the agreement) and has offered to refund $1.8 million to the state.

I do realize that Deere probably doesn’t have much leverage in this situation – if they break the agreement, the state very likely has the ability to pursue some sort of repayment. However, the fact that a company is offering to pay back money before the state even asks for it seems a bit unusual. Far too often, it seems that companies fight tooth and nail to keep money that they aren’t entitled to.

We always had red (Farmall, International, Case IH) on the farm when I was growing up, but I have always considered Deere to be a good corporate citizen.

It seems that we live in a world with very different strata of financial awareness.  On the one side, the savvy investors of today have all the information they could possibly need at the tip of their stylus, and they know how to use it.  On the other side, there are a lot of people who do not use some of the most fundamental tools at our disposal.  I really wish that high school would focus a bit more time on financial awareness, considering how important a life skill it is.  Here are a few tips that I’d like to share with today’s youths (and anyone else who might need them).

Balance the checkbook

I know a lot of people never balance their checkbook, preferring to leave a “buffer” amount in checking to cover any mistakes that may occur.  Some people don’t even bother to make an attempt to keep track of transactions.  How often does someone in front of you pay with a debit card and not take the receipt?  Maybe the person has a great memory and remembers that McDonalds was $6.14 … but it’s more likely that the transaction is never getting logged.

Balance the checkbook every month, to the penny.  You’ll avoid overdrafts and you’ll sleep a little better knowing that your finances are in order.

If you have have never done this, if would take a bit of practice.  However, the process is pretty straightforward, and you should be able to master it pretty quickly.  Basically, it is a 3 step process.

1. Write down the balance on your last bank statement
2. Add any deposits that have been made (or processed) since the date of that statement
3. Subtract any checks (or debit card transactions) that had not yet been processed by the bank on the data of the statement

Voila – you should have the balance that appears in your checkbook.  It might take some practice, and you might spend time tracking down occasional mistakes (especially if you have sloppy handwriting like me) but if you keep on top of it, it will quickly become second nature.  If you use software such as Quicken, it’s even easier.

Understand the tax system

I’m not suggesting that  everyone become a tax expert.  However, it would be nice if more people had a grasp of fundamental concepts such as income, deductions and credits.  Start with the easiest form – the 1040EZ.  Interestingly enough, the IRS actually published instructions for all of the tax forms.  You might be surprised at how thorough the instructions are.  Push aside tax phobia and read the instructions.

Understand unit prices

Until recently, it was a safe bet that the largest package of an item resulted in the lowest price per unit.  However, I have noticed some instances lately where this is not the case.  If you’re not good at mental math, bring along a calculator to help you determine if the 12, 18, 24, or 30 pack of Charmin is the best deal.  If you think that a caculator would kill the cool persona you have been grooming for years, pull out your cell phone and use the built in calculator – you can pretend that you’re texting someone.

Other topics

These are just the tip of the iceberg.  Once you get this far, charge onward.  Learn about mortgages (What are points?  How much more will I pay for a 15 year mortgage vs. a 30 year?  How are property taxes calculated), retirement plans (Roth vs. 401(k)), and the stock market (How much risk should I have at my age?  What is an indexed fun?).  Money is an important component of today’s society – those who work to improve their knowledge of personal finance have a leg up on those who do not.