The SoapBoxers

As you may have notice, we have a new theme on the site today.  I got about 18 months of life out of Drew Stauffer’s Elements of SEO theme.  I doubt Drew would have recognized the theme when I was finished tweaking it – the finished product looked nothing at all like the original.  It was a great learning experience, and I thank Drew for assisting in my development.

Recently, I kicked off a site to save Dinger, the Rockies mascot, from possible extinction.  While setting up that site, I became aware of the Notepad theme by N. Design.  True to my nature, I have also tweaked this theme a bit – adding author photos bio information, adding the logo at the top, and making a handful of other changes under the hood.  If you notice anything that looks really strange, send me an email at kosmo@ObservingCasually.com (include information about your OS and browser, if possible).  It’s a mostly complete solution (until I get restless again), although I do want to tweak things so that less information will print when you print an article.

Today is election day in the United States.  I will be making a trip to the poll with my 3 year old daughter and 10 month old son.  I’ll make a concerted effort to prevent my daughter from pulling many levers.  I urge you also to vote.  Although pundits are expecting a record turnout for a mid-term election, that turnout is still expected to be just 40% of eligible voters.  Surely there’s at least one race that’s important to you?  Bear in mind that congressional redistricting in many state legislatures – these races could shape how your state is represented in the US House of Representatives for the next 10 years.

The San Francisco Giants defeated the Texas Rangers to win the World Series.  I hate the Giants, since they are in my division, but I have to take off my hat and applaud their performance this year.  They weren’t the most talented team offensively, but they managed to get the job done when it counted (including a completely unexpected offensive explosion early in the World Series).

It was a good weekend for football in Iowa.  The Iowa Hawkeyes (located in the city where I live, and my wife’s favorite team) demolished previously undefeated Michigan State.  More importantly, my Iowa State Cyclones rode a dominant 3rd quarter to a win over The Angry Squirrel’s Kansas Jayhawks and now stand just one win away from bowl eligibility.

The Vikings waived wide receiver Randy Moss just 4 games after giving up a third round draft pick to acquire him.  I’ve been on a team boycott since they picked up Brett Favre, but recent personnel moves have made me wondering if my boycott will continue beyond the Favre era.  While I hate to say most of this is the fault of Brad Childress, most of this is the fault of Brad Childress (I hated to say it, but I still said it).

At 35, I’m not old by most measures, but life has moved swiftly at times, and I miss some things from the past.

IBM Presents “You Make The Call” – IBM’s 2 part commercials featured a question and answer about a specific baseball rule.  As a budding baseball fan at the time, I loved the commercials.  Then, sadly, they disappeared forever.

Cheers – For whatever reason, I can never seem to find this classic TV shown on TV, in spite of the fact that many contemporary shows are featured nearly 24/7.  Cheers spawned Frasier, but I was never nearly as much of a fan of Frasier … and how could I be, with the absence of Norm and Cliff?

Quality sports announcers – It seems that nearly every game is televised these days, which is great – except that the quality of broadcaster has gone down.  Part of this is just a numbers game that comes from having to dig deeper in the barrel to fill all the spots, and part of this is from the networks wanting to put former stars in the booth.  Former stars make good guest, but I don’t want them calling the game if they suck.

New Coke – Yeah, I’m one of the five people on planet earth who preferred New Coke to Coca Cola Classic.  Why?  I don’t know.  Coke ranks third among colas for me now (behind RC and Pepsi), although some of their speciality varieties (vanilla, in particular) are pretty good.

TV Dinners – You know what I mean.  Metal trays and bigger portions.  Today’s TV dinners are a far cry from those of decades ago.

Reasonably priced baseball cards – When I was a kid, you could get 3 packs for a dollar.  Now, you’re lucky to get a pack (with fewer cards) for $2.  It’s no longer reaslistic for kids to put together a complete set by buying packs (unless they have a good line of credit).

Smurfs – The show still cracks me up when I catch it on Boomerang.  Smurfing hilarious.

Cheap gas – Oh, for the days of gas at $1 per gallon.

OK, that’s the tip of the iceberg – I’m certainly missing a lot of things.  What do YOU miss from the past?

Cheers

Smurfs

One of the most important aspects of any story is character development.  There’s a reason why you see may writers develop an entire series for a character – because people come to identify with characters and want to see what comes next.

The trick is to build characters that people can identify with and care about.  How can you do this?

Use the first person perspective

There are two major perspectives to use in fiction writing – first and third person (in theory, you could write in second person, but this is rare outside of the “choose-your-adventure” sort of novels).

Writing in the first person perspective lets the reader see the world through the eyes of the main character.  Since the reader is going to be force fed just the one perspective,they’ll tend to identify with the character and be sympathetic to the character’s struggle.  The reader will see the character’s biased view as reality.

The downside to the first person perspective is that the reader will be privy only to details that the main character knows about.  When you write in the third person, you can have the narrator be omniscient and know everything that is going on.

Writing in the first person can also be difficult if you have more of an ensemble cast.  Whose viewpoint do you use in this case?

Some successful writers use first person, while others do quite well with third person.  Play around with it and see what suits you.  I typically write in the third person (probably to subconsciously distance myself from the nasty nature of some of my characters), but I’ll be experimenting with the first person in my Halloween story (coming on October 29).

The quest

Many stories feature the main character on a noble quest. I tend to read a lot of mysteries, so my characters are often trying to bring bad guys to justice. I can easily see how the character is doing important work – catching a serial killer benefits society. The quests aren’t always quite so cut-and-dried, but a protagonist is usually engaged in some sort of meaningful work. It’s unlikely that a character who repeatedly tilts at windmills is going to garner a huge number of fans – unless he happens to be Don Quixote.

“Everyman” attributes

Let’s say your main character is tall, rich, handsome, enjoys opera, and has no personal problems at all – living the perfect life.  How can I identify with this character – we have nothing in common!  (Well, maybe the handsome part …)  Developing some traits that the character shares with “real” people will help make the character seem more real.  This can be something as mundane as a distrust of politicians or  a dislike of pet owners who refuse to clean up after their animals (I absolutely hate the people who let their dog poop on my lawn and then don’t clean it up – they give all pet owners a bad name).

Warts and all

If you find yourself developing characters who are absolutely perfect, this is a problem.  People are not perfect, and the most believable characters have some flaws.  Lawrence Block’s Bernie Rhodenbarr is a thief, while his Matt Scudder characters battles with an alcohol addiction as well as a slightly nonstandard concept of justice.  Jeffery Deaver’s Lincoln Rhyme (brought to the silver screen in the motion picture The Bone Collector) has a body that is flawed, and can be a bit of a jerk at time.  In the long run, all of these characters are good guys, but in the short run, they can do some bad things.

The best characters aren’t necessarily ones that you could hang out with 24/7.  The most believable characters are people who could get on your nerves from time to time.

Last week I made my triumphant return as the weekly entertainment contributor after many months off. I know this will make all of my regular readers sad, but I’m going to contribute from a different angle this week.

Let me say beforehand, I’m not trying to prove anything, and I’m definitely not trying to preach to anybody, so please don’t take it that way. I’m simply going to write from the heart, and am only doing so as a way to help myself – whether that be to grieve or to mourn I do not know. You’ll understand more once you’re finished reading.

I’ll start off by saying my dad wasn’t the healthiest guy in the world, having suffered from several heart attacks, a quadruple bypass open heart surgery, and a leg amputation in the last 10 years or so. Since his heart failure and leg amputation in 2006, he’s had monthly checkups, just to make sure everything is still running ok.

Fast forward to the day before Thanksgiving, 2009. After going to a local VA clinic for his blood work, they noticed that his blood was nearly 5 times thinner than it should have been, and they also noticed that his skin had a yellow “tint” to it. His doctor urged him to go across the street to the ER to get checked out because something was clearly not right.

After a few tests and some medicines, the doctors concluded that he had either gall stones, which are very painful, or he had a tumor, which was blocking some liquids in the gall bladder / pancreas / liver area. He had absolutely no pain, so the diagnosis was a tumor. Since it was the holiday, they wouldn’t be able to go in and do a biopsy until the following Monday, but that would give them a very clear picture of what was going on.

After taking the biopsy, the doctor informed me that it was obviously cancerous and had spread to the lymph nodes. We need to meet with an Oncologist to discuss our options.

So, we met with a surgeon at the VA hospital in Indianapolis (my dad received all of his medical care from the VA). The tumor was surrounding the blood vessels of the pancreas, making surgery to remove the tumor impossible. The only other option was Chemotherapy. He would get started on Chemo ASAP, as pancreatic cancer is one of, if not the most aggressive form of cancer. His Chemo option was to do 1 treatment per week through an IV, along with taking a pill form twice a day. We’d do that for 6 weeks, do another CT scan, and see if it was eliminating any of the cancer, stopping it from spreading, or doing nothing at all.

Those first few treatments were extremely rough. He got very sick, just like most Chemo patients do. But, through it all, he stayed as strong as ever. When we went back for the 6 week scan, the doctor explained that they cancer had spread to his liver, and the Chemo treatments were doing nothing at all.

Now it was time for plan B. Another Chemo. This time it would be in the form of pills only – 4 in the morning and 4 at night. Do this for 6 weeks and then do CT scan #2, with a 3 week checkup in between. The first 3 weeks went just fine. Dad did lose some weight, but that’s normal. At his 3 week checkup, the doctors decided that he was still healthy enough to do another 3 weeks of Chemo treatments, so he did. That’s when everything started to change. He just started getting “weird”. Kinda like he was just not really there.

The bottom dropped out on Sunday, July 11th. In my daily trip down to his house, I found him lying in bed, like a zombie. He had no idea what was going on or even where he was. I eventually called 911, and the EMT’s talked him into going to the hospital to get checked out. Once there, the nurses said his blood pressure was extremely low, something like 50/20. He hadn’t eaten in a few days. Wasn’t really going to bathroom. Deep down, I knew that none of this was a good sign.

They eventually moved him to a room in the ICU. The plan was going to be to run some tests, then possibly put him on kidney dialysis to try to regain some function. When my wife and I left Sunday night, he seemed ok. He was still responding to everybody. We left around midnight and would come back up the next morning.

When we got there Monday morning he seemed a little worse than the night before. He was still responding, but not as often and he seemed extremely irritated. After sticking around for a little while, the docs were going to run some more tests so we left and were going to come back later in the afternoon. Around 5 that night, I got a call from the nurse that we needed to get to the hospital ASAP. Dad was no longer responding and was not doing well at all. After seeing him when we got there, I knew he was in bad shape. The nurse explained to me that they could still do the kidney dialysis, but at this point that would be a form of life support. She also explained the kidney doctor didn’t think that was the best option for him.

Now came the hardest, yet easiest decision I’ve ever had to make. Knowing how the last week had been, how much pain he had been in and how miserable his life was becoming, why drag it out for no reason, when he would have no good quality of life. I made the decision to not do dialysis, and to take him off the medicines that he was on for his heart, liver, etc. She informed Shana and I that it wouldn’t be long without those medicines, and it wasn’t. I’d say no more than 30 minutes.

I couldn’t have been more thankful that the nurse called us, because I got to be there with him during his last few moments, and that’s something I’ll never forget. It was July 12, and it’s been more than 3 months, but I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I lost not only my dad, but my best friend. He chose to raise me from the time I was born as he and my mother got divorced soon after I was born. To this day, I have no relationship with her. But I couldn’t be more thankful that he was willing to raise me as a single dad without blinking an eye. He was always the coach on whatever sports team I played on and he was my sports watching buddy. We saw each other nearly every day, whether it be just going to each others’ house to hang out or going to Menards to walk around mindlessly and look at stuff. When he wanted to do that, it drove me crazy. I’d just think how can you keep coming to the same place and keep looking at the same stuff for hours. Yet, I want nothing more than to do that now.

I don’t know that I have a “goal” from this article, but I do know that the cheesy saying “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” could not be more true. Finding out that my dad had pancreatic cancer, I knew that the odds were against him. And you try to prepare yourself for something like this, but as I found out, there is absolutely no way to prepare. When you lose somebody who is not only a parent but a best friend, it hits you like a ton of bricks.

I think about him every minute of every day. Growing up, I was always too embarrassed to give him a hug, or to tell him that I love him. I’m thankful that in the last few years, I got over that. Every time I saw him, I made sure to give him a hug and to tell him that I love him. Who cares what people think! We had a lot of talks during our trips to Indianapolis for Chemo treatments, but to this day I still feel like I never had closure with him. I always avoided sitting down and actually having that GOOD talk with him. When I say I’d do anything just to talk to him one more time, I really would. I’d just want to thank him for everything he did for me. For raising me like a lot of fathers would not have done. For instilling in me the qualities that I have today and am proud of. Without him, I don’t know that I’d have any of those qualities and have no idea where I’d be in today’s world.

I don’t know that I’ve ever gone through the grieving process before his death. I’ve lost other people that were extremely close to me, like my Grandmother and an Aunt. But ironically, my dad was the person I went to for support. To listen to me or to spend time with me to take my mind off of it. In this situation, he’s the person I would’ve gone to, but he’s not there. So I guess I just have that feeling of being lost. Don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful wife who has been there for me for the past 3 months and has been wonderful with listening and helping me with everything. But that doesn’t take away the pain from his passing.

I’ve tried different ways to “deal” with it, or to grieve, and I’ve been unsuccessful so far. I guess I’m hoping that this article will help, if only in a small way. I’ve been told that getting feelings down on paper will help, so we’ll see.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading! Next week we’ll get back to the fun and exciting entertainment article!

It’s Friday, a day which usually brings a new Fiction Friday story from Kosmo.  However, I’ve decreed that I will not write any stories this month (although I am accepting guest submissions at kosmo@ObservingCasually.com).  I was having to dip the bucket a bit lower into the well of creativity each week and had run into some symptoms of temporary burnout.  Time for a break to recharge the batteries.  Better to go a month without new stories than to lose the desire forever.

So, then, what do I (and other writers) do when I’m not writing?

Break the Rules

Two days into the month, I was technically in violation of my self-imposed exile when I wrote a satire about a shocking new smartphone app.  However, I’ll rationalize this by saying that I don’t consider satires and parodies to be true fiction stories, since they tend to be “based on a true story.”

Read

One thing that makes a writer better – and gives the writer new ideas – is reading the work of good writers.  I love reading, and am a fast reader, but a shortage of time meant that I was really having trouble finishing  books lately.  When Jeffery Deaver’s new Lincoln Rhyme book, The Burning Wire, landed in my mailbox, I knew that I had to do something!  You may know Rhyme as Denzel Washington’s character in the movie The Bone Collector.  I love mysteries and forensics, and was happy to see that Rhyme is a recurring character!

Research

A big reason for taking the break from short fiction is that I am in the early stages of adapting The Cell Window into a novel.  In the short story, I winged it a bit, making up some things out of whole cloth (how many of them did you catch?).  However, I’m going to make a more concerted effort toward accuracy of details in the novel.  I personally hate it when I read a book and can pick up glaring errors that point to a lack of research.  I’m definitely going to engage consultants in the areas of technology and law enforcement, and may learn a few things about the psychological makeup of voyeurs.  I’ve become quite attached to this story and have a lot of pride in the work.

Steal Use Other People’s Ideas

While The Cell Window didn’t rise to the level of national bestseller, it did receive a very positive response at the local level.  I’m going back to some people who gave me very positive feedback to see what they would like to see in the novel version.  I won’t guarantee that I’ll use any of their ideas, but I’m happy to listen.

If you want to look at this in a different way, I’m engaging unpaid consultants to help me with the creative process.

Outline

While many of the plot elements of The Cell Window are going to carry forward from the short story to the novel, transforming a work from a 10,000 word story to a 100,000 word novel necessitates a lot of new content – both in terms of the plot and new characters that need to be developed.  I’m going to let these develop within a lengthy brainstorm (likely a couple of weeks in duration), but will eventually hammer out a high level outline to aid the actual writing process.

Watch Baseball

Hey, it’s the playoffs!  My favorite thing to watch on TV is a Rockies game … but my second favorite thing to watch is ANY baseball game.  I’m trying to actually be in front of the TV for some game action, but when I’m not, I’m making and effort to listen to the games.  All work and no play makes Kosmo a dull boy.

Some people are under the impression that a person must be a CPA in order to be an “accountant”.  That’s not true.  Accountant is a very generic term, encompassing  a wide variety of roles – some of which require certifications and some that do not.  In fact, not every accountant even strives to be a CPA.

I received dual Bachelor of Science degrees in Accounting and Marketing.  Unlike many of my peers, I wasn’t overly fond of financial accounting (balance sheets, income statements, etc).  I much preferred cost accounting – figuring out how much a widget cost to make and finding ways to shave a few cents off the cost.  Cost accounting is more complex than it appears on the surface, because of the makeup of costs.  Some costs are completely fixed, some are completely variable, and some are fixed within a certain range.  There’s quite a lot of analysis and algebra involved – which is probably why I liked it.

My other interest was in auditing – particularly in fraud detection.  I took two auditing classes in college, the second of which was essentially a series of case studies on some famous fraud cases – taking a look at what led up to the fraud and how it could have been detected earlier.  I can only imagine how much more interesting this course would be today, in the wake of Enron, Madoff, and the other major fraud cases of this century.

I was interested in gaining certification, but not as a CPA.  I was interested in becoming a CMA (Certified Management Account) or CFE (Certified Fraud Examiner).

However, as a 21 year old college senior, I had to face reality.  Employers had an interest in accounting students who were pursuing the CPA designation.  So I signed up for the exam and bought a couple of massive study guides.

Fast forward to the spring.  I have landed a job – working in an IT department.  The basic gist of the job is that I will provide support for accounting systems (it ended up morphing into a much different role over the years, but that’s a story for another day).  Not only was a CPA not required, it wasn’t something that seemed likely to advance my career much.

During the spring semester, I had been balancing the job search with a full course load (18 credits) and a part-time job.  In particular, one of my marketing classes ended up sucking up a ton of time.  In a nutshell, I had to determine which was more important – my grades or my performance on the CPA exam.  Due to their permanence, grades won out, and I prepared for the CPA exam much less than most of my classmates.

In spite of the fact that the CPA designation wasn’t required for my job and that I had little interest in becoming a CPA, I decided to sit for the exam anyway.  This wasn’t pure folly – I did have some things working in my favor.  I was a good student in college, doing particularly well in my accounting classes.  Also, I had taken many more accounting classes than were required (as electives), so I had a broader base of knowledge that the typical student.  Parts of the exam were essay, meaning that writing style would count for some of the score – and I’ve always tended to do well on essay tests.

The biggest factor, though, was that I had already paid to take the exam.  I think the fee was about $200 – a ton of money for a poor student.  I wasn’t going to flush that money down the drain without giving it the old college try.

The final week of my college career was very interesting.  The CPA exam was scheduled for later in the week, so I needed to work with my professors to schedule all of my finals for earlier in the week.  In the span of a couple of days, I took exams in topics ranging from Auditing II to Romantic Literature.  I’ll always remember my very last final – Romantic Literature.  The exam was one question.  The question was this (paraphrasing): “On the first day of class, we discussed what the class thought Romantic Literature was.  How have these ideas proven to be true or false over the course of the semester?”  Simple, but brilliant.  I aced the exam, and walked out knowing that I had aced it.

After that exam, I jumped into my Ford Taurus (a ten year old car, and the first of three Tauruses I have owned) and drove from Ames to Waterloo (Iowa).  I checked into my hotel (the cheapest in town – I’m not very picky when it comes to hotels).  That night, I met up with a friend and her boyfriend.  We went to a restaurant and chatted for a while before going our separate ways.  The boyfriend, Chris, was in the early stages of running a popular tech-centric website.  We talked about the Mac/PC divide, and he suggested that I start something similar to his site, but devoted to Macs.  I didn’t feel that I had enough tech knowledge to do it (and I was probably right), but in hindsight it might have been a good idea to take a suggestion from the creator of LockerGnome.

The next day, I showed up at the site of the exam.  It was pouring rain and I was totally unfamiliar with the area.  I ended up parking about a half mile away and got drenched.  I finished the morning session early and made a K-Mart run to buy dry clothes (apparently the hotel was too far away to make it there and back in time for the afternoon session).

It became apparent fairly quickly that I wasn’t going to pass the exam.  That’s not particularly noteworthy – most people do fail the exam the first time (although my wife passed on her first attempt).  Armed with the knowledge that a miracle was not going to occur, I sat back and enjoyed the process.  I had absolutely no stress, and just focused on answering the questions to the best of my ability.  At the end of the second day, I finished up a couple of hours early and jumped in the car to return to Ames.  I graduated over the weekend.  The next week,  I commenced with my out-of-state move for my new job.

I was not at all stunned when I received notification that I had failed the CPA exam.  The scores were high enough that I actually briefly entertained thoughts of giving it another chance, before sanity prevailed.  I gave away my study guides to someone who needed them (or perhaps she planned to use them as doorstops).

At the age of 35, the number of professional designations I have is … zero.  I think that professional designations are a great way to certify specific knowledge.  However, I have spent my time actively pursuing knowledge – in a wider variety of area than is typical.  It may change at some point, but at this point, I have no plans to become certified in anything.

What’s going on in Kosmo’s world?

First of all, the Rockies are very nearly eliminated from the NL West race, trailing the Giants by 4.5 games with 7 games remaining on the schedule (the Giants have just 6 games left).  The Giants have 88 wins, the Padres 87, and the Rockies 83.  With the Giants and Padres finishing the season playing each other in a 3 game series, it’s a mathematial certainty that one of them will reach 89 wins – meaning the Rockies need to to 6-1 to even have a shot – and that’s based on the Padres and Giants both getting swept in their next series.  The situation in the wild card race is similarly bleak.  I’ve ever-optimistic, but not holding my breath.  The Rockies have fought a lot of injuries to get where they are, but it looks like they might fall a bit short.

Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum lost a lot of respect in my eyes when he accused the Rockies (under his breath) of using juiced balls.  Division rivals have suggested that the Rockies have somehow managed to get non-humidored balls to the umpire when they are trailing – just in time to have the Rockies hitters crush them during a comeback.  Of course, the fact that Lincecum was supposedly able to detect such a ball actually strengthens my assertion that the Rockies are not using juiced balls.  In the past, pitchers have said that the humidored balls are “slick” (even though they are stored at a humidity level that is essentially what you would see in most of the country).  If that’s the case, then pitchers would be able to detect the difference if the Rockies tried to pull a fast one.  After all, if Lincecum could detect one, why couldn’t Roy Halladay or Kyle Lohse (or Jamie Moyer, who hasdealt with everything during his 50 year career)?  Are the non-humidored balls dryer to the touch than a “slick” humidored ball, or is it impossible to detect the difference?  You can’t have your cake and eat it, too – pick one answer and stick with it.

Why are the Rockies so good at home?  Well, first of all, there are a number of teams that are downright dominant at home – not just the Rockies.  Secondly, you’re looking at a team that is constructed to help the pitchers.  The pitch staff leans heavily toward groundball pitchers, the middle infielders are good defensive players, and you have two true centerfielders (Dexter Fowler and Carlos Gonzalez) patrolling the massive outfield territory (to prevent doubles from falling in).  The net effect is that you should expect Coors to appear much more neutral to Rockies pitchers (and opposing hitters) than to opposing pitchers (and Rockies hitters) – since the opposing teams aren’t necessarily configured this way.  So, why doesn’t this help the Rockies pitcher even more on the road?  It’s just not as noticeable on the road because keeping balls on the ground and tracking them down in the outfield is something that prevents 7 run innings – which aren’t commonplace outside of Coors.

I’m going to take a break from fiction short stories in the month of September.  I need to recharge my creativity a bit for another project.  I’ll definitely be writing new stories in October (and it’s quite possible that I won’t be able to finish out the month of fiction exile).  During September, I’ll make it Open Mike night for fiction writers.  If you want to have a short fiction piece featured, let me know at kosmo@observingcasually.com

Finally, I have made the decision to turn The Cell Window into a novel – and if Hollywood agrees, perhaps even into a feature film 🙂  In general, I don’t mess with a story once I have declared it to be a finished product.  However, over the past several months, quite a few people have suggested lengthening the story, so I’m going to give it a shot.  Those of you who have purchased the short version might end up with a collector’s item if the book is well received.  Haven’t bought a copy yet?  You can get the PDF version, MP3 audio book, or combo edition.  I’d recommend the combo edition, since it is the same price as the plain PDF version.

I’ve often wondered how staple manufacturers stay in business.  Let’s say you staple three things every week.  That’s roughly 150 staples every year.  That 5000 count box of staples in your drawer?  It will last more than 30 years.  You might use 2-3 boxes in your lifetime.  Even worse, the staple industry is being attacked on all sides.  You can cut staple use by storing documents electronically, duplex printing, and even by storing documents in binders (the binder companies will love to have your business).  With so many factors working to erode their profitability, perhaps the staple companies should be in line for a government bailout.  Do we really want to see fine companies like Swingline teeter on the brink of insolvency?  Not in MY America.

A couple of fine upstanding Americans are planning dueling rallies at the National Mall (not to be confused with the Mall of America) on October 30.  Jon Stewart will kick off the day with a Rally To Restore Sanity.  Toward evening, Stephen Colbert will work to undermine Stewart’s rally with a March to Keep Fear Alive.  Any other time of the year, I would probably lean toward the Rally to Restore Sanity – but a day before Halloween, I have to go with the March to Keep Fear Alive.  (Yes, there actually is a permit request pending with the National Park Service – this is serious business.)

Have you ever wondered why street signs aren’t larger?  You’re driving in an unfamiliar city, trying to find your cousin’s house.  Hey, is that Palmetto Street or Pimento Street?  You confirm that it is Pimento and swerve into the turn lane at the last moment.  Have many of these dangerous swerves (or the more dangerous swerve in / swerve out) are the result of signs that aren’t readable until you’re about two feet away?  Why not double the size of the signs in order to save some lives?

Archaeology Magazine really isn’t getting the hint.  I chastised them publicly for allowing questionable ads to appear in their magazine.  When I received the first renewal request, I wrote “NO” across the renewal slip and included a printed copy of my article in the envelope.  Since then, over a span of about six months, they have sent six more notices.  Apparently they don’t read comments from their subscribers.  I tried to email them my concerns, but the email bounced back.  Last night, I got a call from a third party hired to rope people into renewing.  This was particularly disturbing, because I had never given them my phone number (I never give my phone number to magazines, for the reason of avoiding these sorts of calls).  Sadly, I actually enjoy the content of the magazine.

I’ve mentioned my displeasure with a certain kiosk at my local mall in the past.  I’m not really sure why I haven’t mentioned them by name.  It’s the folks that sell Dead Sea lotion products.  There are currently two locations in the mall.  The employees at one kiosk are pretty civil (I guess they are new).  The employees at the other kiosk are very aggressive, stalking you from one edge of the mall to the other, and refusing to back down even when you tell them you don’t want to be harassed.  Apparently they failed their marketing class – why waste your time on people who obviously hate your company when you could spend that effort trying to attract a different customer?  I now make an effort to walk a half step ahead of my wife when we pass the kiosk, so that they have to deal with me to get to her (they always chase after the women).  We’ve complained a few times to mall management, who have confirmed that this behavior violates their lease.  Yet, somehow, they managed to retain their spot in the mall.  In a down economy and with people already making many purchases over the internet, it seems that malls would want to enhance the shopping experience by removing the unpleasantness.  Interestingly, none of the other businesses in the mall have adopted Dead Sea’s patented harassment brand of marketing.

Now that The Political Observers has been built up into a successful part of the site, I am moving on to the next project.  World domination is within our grasp.

As a way to celebrate the launch of the new project, I am giving away copies of  Selling Yourself Short: A Guide to Short Story Writing.  Go ahead and pop it into your cart, and you will be charged $0.00 for it when you check out.  There are no strings attached – other than the fact that it is a limited offer.

OK, so you’re curious what the new project is.  I suppose it’s time to eschew the secrecy …

I would like to cover the big national stories from the viewpoint of those who are near the action.  My goal is the build a network of contacts that will be able to cover all 50 states and a few foreign countries.  I’d like to get multiple contacts in larger states such as California and Texas and will try to utilize people for regional coverage when I don’t have a contact in the specific state.  For example, if I don’t have a contact in New Hampshire, I may look for my Vermont contact to provide an article.

When a big news story (hurricane, crime, etc) hits in your state, you would write about it – giving the local flavor to a national story.  If you’re a niche blogger, this could give you the opportunity to write about a news issue that might not fit within the constraints of your own blog.  (Yes, Evan, I’m referring to you).  If you’re not actively writing for public consumption, this could be an opportunity to stick your toes in the water and see if people enjoy your work.

In addition to people covering “hard” news, I’m also looking for people who attend big events – The Kentucky Derby or the Super Bowl, for example – to give our readers a firsthand account of these events.  I have a special interest in the Olympics and Olympic Trials.

Note that I don’t expect you to be interviewing those affected by the news (unless you happen to personally know some of the affected people), but rather, the goal is to give a local view of the story based on your years of life experience in the area.

The program is still in the launch phase and subject to change, but at this point, I’m thinking of referring to the group of reporters as “Locals”.  Feel free to suggest alternate names (shorter is better).  I will be creating a page that lists all of the reporters, including a link to the site of their choice.  I will be actively pursuing several specific individuals, but many opportunities remain open.

Here are the basics of the opportunity:

• You may use your real name or a pen name.
• I wouldn’t expect to use any particular contact more than 1-2 times per year – if at all.  If there is no big breaking news in your state/area, you won’t be called on.
• When you are contacted, you should be able to reply with an article within 48 hours (before the story fades).  The quicker the response time, the better.
• I’m looking for more of a “man/woman on the scene” sort of angle to the stories.  I’m not looking for a heavy political slant, although reporting on how the public feels about the issue is fine.
• Articles should be in the range of 500-1500 words and should be entirely your own work.  Plagiarism is strictly forbidden and will result in you being permanently removed from the program – zero tolerance.
• The opportunity will be generally unpaid, but I’ll be happy to link to a site that you run (must be family friendly).
• If you hand me a scoop that gets considerable traffic and ad revenue, I will pay you for the article.  The amount will be based on the revenue generated.

If you’re interested, shoot me a line at kosmo@observingcasually.com.  Please include a short sample of your writing.  The writing sample can be on any topic – I just want to ensure a certain level of ability.  If I think you’re a good fit,  I’ll add you to my list, and then you simply wait to be called into action!

If you have family or friends who may be interested, send them a link to this article.  Many thanks.

I know what you’re thinking.  “Where can I find more stuff by Kosmo?”  I’ve caught myself asking the same question.

As it turns out, I’ve actually been featured as a guest writer on quite a few other sites.  Here’s a comprehensive list.  

40Tech (Technology, allegedly for the 40+ crowd, but relevant to anyone)

• Apple To The Core
• Is Google A Monopoly?
• The Long Road to Kindle Success

Lazy Man and Money (Personal finance)

• How To Lose a Customer in Three Easy Calls (TV Guide)
• The Tax Collector (fiction)
• Social Security’s Death Clock Ticks Faster This Year
• Planning for the End of Days

Life, Laughs, and Lemmings (Triumph of the spirit – currently on hiatus)

• Write On (My struggle to keep my focus on writing)

Living With Balls (Sports, and, well, yeah, double entendre is intentional)

• Why I Hate the Yankees

Man vs. Debt

• Debt Comes Calling (Fiction)

ProBlogger (For the professional blogger)

• Anatomy of a Multi-Author Blog

The Centsible Life (Personal finance)

• Nothing Comes Between Me and My Wranglers

The Digerati Life (Personal finance)

Fun stuff:

• Why Should I Tip?
• Cancel My Subscription
• Donate Your Body to a Body Farm
• How to Save Money on Haircuts
• Lessons from Stieg Larsson’s Estate Battle

I also do freelance articles for Digerati Life on more mainsteam topics.  Pop over the the site and check it out.

World’s Strongest Librarian (Hard to categorize)

• Sharpening the Saw (Keeping my writing skills fresh)
• What’s Harder to Write – a Novel or a Short Story?
• Book Review: Gone by Jonathan Kellerman
• Book Review: Snow Falling on Cedars by David Guterson