The SoapBoxers

My web consulting business, Sparks by Kosmo, is off to a solid start, buoyed by reviews on The Digerati Life and Out of Debt Again.  It’s throwing some chunks of revenue my way without consuming a huge amount of time.  That’s a win.  In celebration, I’ve launched a super-secret fiction coaching academy that will kick off with the first class in March.  The first class is already full, but I’ll be advertising spots in subsequent classes at a later time.

I’m going to make an attempt to push Mountains, Meadows, and Chasms into the world of literature.  The compiled edition of stories is now 80,000+ words – featuring more than 70 of your favorite stories (I’ve cut out some of the chaff).  I’m looking for a literary agent – I’ll keep you up to speed on things.

My baseball card book has been getting a bit of traction, and we’ll be ramping up publicity a bit in the coming months, including a media appearance.  ESPN?  Er, well, no.

I had a pretty lousy Super Bowl Sunday.  In my early years, I was a Bears fan.  In my early teens, I became a Vikings fan.  For the past two years, I’ve have been Favrecotting the NFL until my least favorite player (any guesses who he is?) resigns.  During that entire span of time – a quarter of a century – I have hated the Green Bay Packers.  Imagine my disgust when they won.  To make the spectacle even worse, the Fox “dream team” broadcasting the game was Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, and the stupid robot (a/k/a/ nepotism, pretty boy former QB, and stupid robot).  Excuse me while I make my way to the vomitorium.

Four hundred fans with tickets to the game were left out in the cold when temporary seating could not be deemed safe prior to the game.  After being herded like cattle while a decision about their fate was made, they were eventually given the option of watching from standing room only areas or viewing on TVs within the stadium.  The fans will be given triple refunds (triple the face value, not triple what they paid to scalpers) and tickets to next year’s Super Bowl … but watching a Lions – Brown Super Bowl next year probably wouldn’t be as much fun to a Packers or Steelers fan as watching this game would have been – not to mention the expenses they incurred for travel and lodging to attend an event that they really didn’t “attend”.

The NFL announced the 2011 Hall of Fame class.  While all of the inductees are deserving, the complaint is that a lot of deserving players are not getting in.  Indeed, you could make a case for all fifteen of this year’s finalists.  However, no matter how great they are, only five of them were ging to be inducted, per the rules.  In other words, if the all time best quarterback, running back, receiver, linebacker, defensive end, and defensive back all retired at the same time, it would be an absolute certainty that one of them would not be a first ballot hall of famer.  Contrast this to baseball, where a writer can list as many players as they wish – the only issue is whether they are named on 75% of the ballots.

Longtime Texas Ranger Michael Young is on the trading block.  In recent years, the Rangers have bounced Young around the infield like a ping pong ball as they wedge other players (Elvis Andrus, Adrian Beltre) into the lineup.  Now they want Young to play DH.  One of the teams reportedly interested in Young – and his $16 million salary – are my Colorado Rockies.  Young slumped in the second half of 2010, and is in his mid 30s … but if he can put up number similar to what he had a few years back, he’d be an interesting guy to have in the lineup.

LeBron’s former team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, recently lost their 25th consecutive game.  That’s very impressive to me.  Regardless of how bad a team is, you’d think at some point they’d have a night where luck went their way and every close shot went in.

This article is not about the Super Bowl, well at least not about the game.  As a Steelers fan it is just too painful to comment on the game right now.  I want to talk about the things that make the Super Bowl not a game, but an event.  Let’s start with the 24 hours of pre-game.  I know that Fox did not have 24 hours of pre-game by themselves, there was a hand off/overlap with ESPN.  We got to learn about every previous Super Bowl, all of the players, some of their wives.  There was the exceptional tribute to Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys, even though they were not in the Super Bowl (I wonder how the other host teams feel about that).  We were pummeled with how great Pittsburgh and Green Bay have been in the past; lots of black and white film for Green Bay, not so much for Pittsburgh as they were rather atrocious before 1969.  All of these segments were separated by musical entertainment, primarily from Keith Urban.

The real pre-game was actually very nice.  There were tributes to our armed forces, including a reading of the Declaration of Independence featuring players, service men and women, retired general and former Secretary of State Colin Powell and the Commissioner of Football.  Then came the singing of God Bless America and the National Anthem.  I feel Sorry for Christina Aguilera.  She missed one line of the Anthem and the morning media have been all over her about that.  Her apology seems sincere and she seems embarrassed about it.  All in all, I think the pregame was classy.

Fast forward to the half time entertainment.  A lot of people think that the half time entertainment is important.  I guess if you spent $4500 you would want a first class ride for the entire 4 hours.  Ever since the Janet Jackson event, I have spent half time cleaning up the food and hunkering down for the second half.  I caught some of the act.  The special effects and music were what you would expect from the Black Eyed Peas.  If you like them, you like the show.  If not, well I am glad I was not with my father for this half time.  I do not think I could have explained it to him.

So what else is there to talk about other than the game?  The commercials, of course.  My personal favorite was the kid dressed as Darth Vader starting the car with the Jedi Powers of the Force.  Although watching Roseanne Barr get wacked with a log was pretty good, too.  There were other interesting ads, and I believe there will be a special on TV to go through them all, or you can look at them on-line at www.superbowl-commercials.org. I enjoyed the entire experience, especially since it was over by 9:45.  I hope the NFL continues to have the early start to the Super Bowl for those of us who have to work on Monday.

Becky did a double take when she saw the flowers.

As she slid into her chair, she turned to her co-worker in an effort to quench her curiosity.  “Someone sent flowers … to Ken?”

Cheryl giggled before responding.  “Well, sort of.  A bunch of us chipped in to pay for the flowers.”

Becky furrowed her brow in an attempt to make sense of this.

“It’s a prank,” Cheryl explained.  “They’re from a secret admirer.”

Becky thought that the joke was a bit sophomoric, but faked a convincing laugh in an attempt to fit in.  Ken – the socially awkward computer geek – was probably the only person who felt less at ease in the group than Becky.  The girls on her team struck her as a bit mean spirited, but Becky knew very few people in this new town, so she tried to stay on their good side.  Maybe they were good people once you got to know them.

When Ken returned to his desk, it was easy to read the confusion in his face – a look that only intensified when he read the card.  After a moment, he appeared to shake off the confusion and return to work.  As Becky glanced around, she could see a few of the girls stifling giggles.

A half hour later, Becky found herself in need of Ken’s assistance.  She was tempted to simply ignore the flowers, but quickly realize that this would look suspicious.

“Nice flowers, Ken.  Who sent them?”

“I’m not sure,” he admitted.  “The card says they are from a secret admirer.  Me, an admirer?  Yeah, right.”  He chuckled and then turned his focus back to work.  “What can I help you with?”

“I’m not getting the output I expected,” she explained, as she spread some printouts on his desk.  “See, I would expect this to be -”

“Yes, yes, I see the problem.”  A few minutes later, he had fixed the problem, and Becky was able to continue with her work.  Such a nice guy.  It was too bad he wasn’t her type.

When Becky came into the office on Friday morning, she knew that something was being planned.  Cheryl, Lindsey, and Jessica were gathered at Cheryl’s desk, whispering conspiratorially.

“We’re going to out tonight.  You want to come along?”

“Sure,” Becky replied.  A night out with the girls was surely better than staring at the four walls in her apartment.  “What’s going on?”

“We’re going to spy on Ken and his secret admirer,” said Jessica.

“But I thought the secret admirer isn’t real?”

“She isn’t,” replied Lindsey, “but Ken doesn’t know that.”

“He got a second note yesterday,” added Cheryl.  “His admirer made dinner reservations and asked him to join her.  We reserved a table with a good view of his – so that we can have a good laugh watching him wait for his admirer to appear.”

“But how do you know he’ll show up?”

“Becky, girl, this is Ken we’re talking about.  He doesn’t exactly have the girls beating down his door.  If he thinks a girl is interested in him, he’ll be there.”

Ken showed up at 6:45 – a full fifteen minutes before the scheduled meeting time.  From their perch on the upper level of the restaurant, the girls had a great view of Ken’s table on the lower level.  By 7:10, he began to fidget a bit, and by 7:20 the face that had been so hopeful when he entered the restaurant now showed signs of disappointment.

Becky decided that she had seen enough.  She grabbed her purse and excused herself, saying that she needed to freshen up.  The other three girls panicked when she made a beeline for Ken’s table – knowing that she was going to rat them out.

Ken looked up as she approached.  “Hi, Becky.  What are you doing here?”

Becky started to tell Ken that he was the victim of a cruel prank, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.  Instead, she took a seat across the table from him.

“Sorry I’m late.  I hope I didn’t keep you waiting – I’m your secret admirer.”

Unconstitutional.  What does that mean?  Webster says that it means it is not according or consistent with the constitution of a body politic (such as the US).

As of Monday January 31, 2011 we now have two judges that have ruled that the Health Care reform bill (Obamacare) is unconstitutional.  The judges say that the individual mandate (the part that says everyone in the country must by health coverage) is the unconstitutional part of the bill.  The most recent judge to rule (Judge Vinson) indicated that since the individual mandate is not separable from the bill, the entire thing must be ruled unconstitutional.  So, can’t they just slip in a version of the bill that doesn’t include the mandate?  Nope. 

The idea behind insurance companies is the law of large numbers.  Say you insure 100 people.  The insurance companies are hoping that only a one or two of those 100 are going to get really sick.  This means that the premiums that the other 98 pay are used to pay for the two people that have serious ailments.  By removing the mandate, all the government will have in their pool are those that can’t get coverage because of their health situation.  It’s hard to stay in the green when you’re collecting $12,000 in premium from someone then paying out $2 Million in claims over the next 5 years.

Healthcare is a serious money pit.  Obama was hoping to eliminate the Bush tax cuts and use that extra money to help fund the health care changes.  When the Bush tax cuts were extended, I can only imagine the thoughts running through people’s minds.   I know what mine was, “How are they going to pay for this now?”  Of course that was followed by a, “Thank God they extended those tax cuts.”

I think back to the days when I was out of school but not working.  I wouldn’t have benefited from the new legislation because I was too old to get on my parents policy and didn’t have money to pay for coverage like the government is requiring.  I purchased a short term hospital-surgical plan.  It didn’t cover any doctor visits, any meds or any ER visits; if I needed surgery the policy would kick in.  That is what most people really need to have.  So, why are we forcing everyone to buy coverage that they really don’t want or need?   Why are we forcing anyone to buy anything?  Do we really have a right to tell people how they are going to spend their money?

I like the legislative proposal in South Dakota right now.  Everyone (within 6 months of turning 21) must buy a firearm.  Don’t want it?  Don’t need it?  That doesn’t matter.  You are now required to spend your money to buy a firearm of your choosing.  This isn’t a big deal, $700 for a new Glock is much cheaper than a year’s worth of insurance premiums.

I like the display that these representatives are putting on.  The liberals will be very happy that everyone has healthcare but will they feel the same warm fuzzy tickle up their leg if everyone has a firearm?  The reaction that a liberal has to that proposal is about the same reaction I have to being told that I must buy healthcare.

This is definitely the time to move forward with repealing the healthcare bill.  We need a bipartisan (non-partisan would be even better) group to sit down and make the healthcare system better without jamming things down our throat.  We could even take a year or two to do it and get it right!  Why do it in three months?  Was that necessary?  This bill was crap from the start and now we’re finding that it isn’t constitutional. 

Let’s work on improving the system, establishing risk pools, not mandating coverage and get tort laws reformed.  That would be a great start that both sides of the aisle can embrace.  It should also make a significant improvement in our system without incurring huge amounts of debt.  If that doesn’t work we can always go further, but this idea of jumping headfirst into an empty swimming pool isn’t working.

It will be interesting to see what the Supreme Court ruling will be on this.  The justices also will need to remember to watch their backs over the next couple of years.  Who knows what else they’ll do to keep Obamacare alive.

Many of you will be snowbound as you read this, a result of the latest storm of the year decade century millenium.  A monster lizard, some have called it.  Many of you are handling the situation in stride, but some of you are going a bit crazy.

Whenever I have the misfortune of needing to go to the grocery store on the day before a big storm, the place is always packed with people gearing up.  I can understand making sure you have some staples on hand, but there’s a point where prudent preparation gives way to insanity.

This is most apparent on the toilet paper front.  I haven’t witnessed this myself, but anecdotal evidence points to people stocking up on the Charmin in advance of a big storm.  Seriously?  Do you people not have an adequate supply on hand in general (remind me not to be your houseguest)?  Or does the storm make people need to go to the bathroom more?  OK, there’s a bit of logic in the bathroom being used more, since the whole family is stuck at home … but still, you don’t need to buy a six week supply to wait out the storm.

While it’s prudent to make sure that some of the food you have on hand doesn’t require cooking (lest you lose power), again, there is a practical limit that comes into play.  For starters, don’t you already have some food that would suffice in an emergency?  I could certainly get by for a few days eating peanut butter sandwiches, Pop Tarts, and dry cereal.  Not exactly fine cuisine, but good enough in a pinch.  In my neighborhood, the risk of power outages is minimized by the fact that the power lines are buried – meaning that a main line need to go down in order for us to be affected.  You know the lines I’m talking about – the ones the power companies generally fix in a matter of hours.

When you get back on the road, drive safely.  This means not driving 80 mph in the midst of a snow storm … but it also means not driving 15 mph in flurries on the interstate.

It seems to me that a lot of people overestimate the impact of these storms.  While it’s true that some rural areas can get cut off for a week or more, the reality is that for people living in cities, this isn’t common (especially in the midwest, where I live).  Weather will be bad for a day or two, and then things will pretty much return to normal.  This is modern day America, with cell phones and 4 wheel drives – and reasonably well maintained roads.

I hope everyone stays safe during the storm, and that things are quickly back to normal.  Just breathe deeply and don’t panic.  And for you goofballs who enjoy the white stuff, enjoy it while you can – spring is just around the corner.

I live in Iowa City, and the big news for about a week has been the medical problems faced by thirteen members of the Hawkeye football program.  The players were hospitalized with rhabdomyolysis, a disorder that is characterized by dark colored urine and can cause kidney problems in extreme cases (public service announcement – if your urine turns a strange color, see a doctor).  Not only were the players affected physically, but they were also taken out of the classroom for a week (after all, these student-athletes are expected to learn as well as play).

Blame has been cast in a number of directions.  Some suggested that the players had been taking drugs.  A parent of one of the affected players told the media that drug tests had been administered to the players and had come back negative.  Some suggested that a weekend after drinking may have exacerbated the effects of the workout.  Others have suggested that the strength and conditioning program itself is at fault (although some former players were quick to come to the defense of the staff).

The university announced that they will investigate the cause and report to the Board of Regents (which oversees the public universities in Iowa) within 90 days.  While I applaud this necessary step, I do wonder if it goes far enough.  As well intentioned as the investigation may be, there might be an inclination to absolve the university of any blame.

The way we should view this incident is as an opportunity to prevent future problems.  Some players have said that while the workouts were grueling, similar workouts had been done in previous years with no adverse affects.  While that may be true, the fact of the matter is that this year there were some extreme adverse effects.  If it were one or two players, I might be convinced that the players were at fault.  However, with about three dozen players participating at the workout that preceded the hospitalization of the players, this means that fully one third of the players were affected.  Something is contributing to the problem.  Perhaps a change in the supplements being taken by the players, or perhaps a seemingly small change to the workout routine.

It seems to me that the NCAA has a vested interest in this.  I’m not suggesting that they should investigate this incident with the goal of meting out punishment, but rather as a way to learn more about the causes of rhabdomyolysis.  Who better to serve as an independent body in the investigation?  Perhaps this is simply an isolated incident … but do we really want to take that risk?  I, for one, don’t want to see an outbreak of rhabdomyolysis at two schools next year and ten more schools the year after that.  Let’s nip it in the bud.

This is a list of the things I like and do not like about the NFL Pro-Bowl.

I do not like that it is the week before the Super Bowl. We already have reduced participation due to some of the higher paid players concern about injury, now we have the Super Bowl participants opting out.

I like that the game is in Hawaii again. I thought that it was actually rather cruel last year when the players went to the Super Bowl City. The celebration of their skills that earned them spots on the Pro-Bowl roster was overwhelmed by Super Bowl questions, including “how do you feel about not being in the Super Bowl?” This is supposed to be a reward for being the best players in the league. Having the game in Hawaii lets these players celebrate with their families and friends.

I do not like that the only impact of the game is deciding which team is the “home” team in the Super Bowl next year. I would like it to determine where the Super Bowl is played. Rather than “awarding” the Super Bowl to a city, almost always in a warm climate or dome, let the Pro-Bowl determine what stadium the Super Bowl is played in. The conference champion of the winning side of the Pro-Bowl should host the Super Bowl. Then we could have some real games, maybe in Chicago or New England. Yeah I have heard all the arguments against cold weather venues, are we playing football here or tennis?

I do like that the coaches actually get almost every player some face time and the announcers have all the statistical sheets to brag about these guys. Some of them come from pretty bad teams and do not get the recognition that they should.

I do not like that the players don’t even try on some plays. I know that this is an exhibition game and no one wants to get hurt, so yes hold up on some of the hits once you have someone stopped. The thing I object to is that for field goals and extra points, everyone just stands up and waits for the kicker to kick the ball.

I do like the kick off plays. These are the only plays that everyone seems to be having fun. No one is hitting too hard and everyone is running around showing how much fun they are having.

My preference, if the commissioner reads this post, is to return to the old format. Play the game in Hawaii the week after the Super Bowl. The only thing I would suggest as an adder would be to have the all star cheer leaders there as well. And for Fox Sports, more focus on the beautiful people in the stands.

In today’s fiction story, our hero Dylan finds himself falling for a beautiful stranger … and one thing leads to another …

“Oh, there you are!”

Dylan glanced up from his martini as the woman slid into the opposite side of the booth. He immediately knew that he had never seen this woman before. It was apparent that her heritage was mostly Hawaiian, with a touch of something else. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but the end result was a strikingly beautiful young woman. Dylan definitely would have remembered her.

He was about to tell her that he was not the man she was looking for. Then he thought the better of it. Why not spend a night in her company? There were certainly worse ways to kill time on a business trip. He kept his mouth shut and returned her smile.

The waiter noticed the new arrival and dropped by the table.

“I’ll have what my friend is having,” she said. “A martini. Shaken, not stirred.”

Dylan had to laugh at the fairly decent Bond impression. The waiter returned in a flash with the drink before disappearing again – hopefully for good.

As she sipped the drink, the woman spoke softly under her breath. “We can’t talk shop,” she explained. “There may be people watching. Just act natural – like we’re a real couple.”

As her hand stroked his, he heard her pump drop to the floor a moment before her foot began an ascent up his leg. Dylan wasn’t sure what her game was … and wasn’t sure he cared.

“Check, please,” he said with a grin.

She gulped down the last of her martini and began to leave, pulling him behind. Dylan quickly threw some bills on the table as they exited the hotel bar.

“I need to visit the little girl’s room,” she explained. “Could you hold my purse?” Under her breath, she said “It’s good cover.”

Dylan smiled at the comment as he watched her disappear into the rest room. Cover, indeed. As if they were spies on some sort of secret mission. He wondered if her elevator didn’t go all the way to the top floor, or if she was just toying with him in some sort of perverse fantasy. This would have been a great opportunity to escape. He could just toss the handbag on the floor and flee to his room.

Or he could hang around a bit longer to see what developed. Why not play the game a bit longer?

When she emerged from the ladies room, the doorman spotted her and smiled.

“Ah, Miss Amy. Big plans for the evening?”

“A romantic evening with my beau, Charles. Would you mind calling me a cab?”

“Of course, Miss Amy. You lovebirds have a good time. Good to finally see you, master Gerald.”

As Charles waived down a taxi, Dylan felt butterflies in his stomach. Beau? Romantic evening? He was fairly sure this was going to be the end of the game – she would jump in the cab and leave him behind.

“Alfred’s on 18th,” she told the cabbie. As the taxi pulled away from the curb, Amy leaned in close and kissed him on the lips. Dylan was a bit surprised by the passion she exuded, but found himself responding with great fervor.

“Oh Gerald,” she whispered into his ear, “I can’t wait to get you back to the hotel and have my way with you.”

Dylan felt himself flush with embarrassment, and noticed that the cabbie’s attention was split between the road in front of him and the passengers in the back seat. He wondered if it would be poor form to suggest simply skipping dinner entirely. He also wondered who this Gerald chap was. Gerald was certainly missing out on a good time.

The taxi arrived at their destination far too soon, and Dylan had to disentangle himself from Amy in order to get out of the cab.

Alfred’s was a classy joint, and Dylan knew that he had spotted the scam. A bit of playing around with him was going to net Amy a very nice meal. Dylan knew that he was being conned, but decided to play along. He was being entertained by the charade, and it was a pleasant way to spend an evening in a new city. His bank account could handle one extravagant meal.

Dylan sipped his wine and waited for Amy to take the lead in the conversation – not willing to admit that he had absolutely no idea what topics might be of interest to her. Amy turned the conversation toward the entertainment, and they discussed the latest Hollywood movies while they ate their salads.

The waiter brought the check when Dylan had finished his generous slab of prime rib. To his surprise, Amy quickly grabbed it and paid with her credit card. As they left the restaurant, Amy suggested that they stroll back to the hotel. As they walked past the storefronts hand in hand, Dylan once again tried to solve the puzzle – what was Amy up to?

“Let’s just go back to the room and watch some TV, hon. You must be tired from your trip.”

Dylan nodded his agreement, and they entered the elevator. As the elevator rose toward the ninth floor, Amy wrapped her arms around him and gazed lovingly into his eyes. Dylan was completely oblivious to the people who got on the elevator on the fourth floor – he was completely lost in her kisses … and she smelled so nice!

Dylan followed Amy as she walked down the hallway toward her room. The suite wasn’t opulent, but was quite nice – definitely a step above his own room. Amy disappeared into the bathroom for a moment. When she reappeared, she was wearing a black nightgown that didn’t leave a lot to the imagination. She slid under the covers and invited Dylan to join her. He stripped down to his boxers and slid into bed next to her.

This was all a bit strange, but very nice. What’s the worst that could happen? Well, maybe he’d wake up with missing kidneys … but that didn’t really happen, did it?

After a moment of channel surfing, they found a decent comedy and settled in for the show. Toward the end of the movie, Dylan notice that Amy was no longer laughing. She was sound asleep in the bed. Again, this was a golden opportunity to escape back to normalcy. Dylan turned off the bedside lamp … and then climbed back into bed, gave the sleeping woman a goodnight kiss, and settled in for a good night’s sleep.

“Gerald, Gerald. You need to get up or you’ll be late for your meeting.”

Dylan glanced at the clock. It was 6:13 AM on Sunday. The pre-conference meet-and-greet didn’t begin until 5 PM. He didn’t need to be up for hours. Maybe it was a mistake to hand over a day of his life to this beautiful stranger.

Then Amy beckoned him toward the shower and the doubts disappeared. He could feel his excitement growing.

“Not now, honey. Tonight, when the meeting is over.”

As the water heated their bodies, she began to speak softly.

“The sound of the shower should make it impossible for the bugs to pick up what we’re saying. I got a green light on the operation. The keys on the desk are to a black Lincoln in the parking lot. There’s a duffel bag in the trunk that has everything you need. When you’re finished, meet me at gate 54 at the airport at 5 PM. I have been instructed to accompanying you on the flight and stay with you in the safe house until the heat is off. Do you have any questions?”

“Sounds like a plan,” he found himself saying. Plan? What plan?

“Good. Now, wash my back. And start singing something.”

Dylan sang a mediocre version of “I love a rainy night,” while he worked slowly at the job of washing Amy’s back. Regretfully, he finally finished the job and stepped out of the shower and toweled off.

Forty minutes later, he was dressed in a crisp white dress shirt and khakis. They weren’t his clothes, but they were a perfect fit. Amy stood before him in a frilly, low-cut white blouse and a very short skirt. Absolutely stunning.

“How do I look?” she asked.

Dylan blushed, fearing that she had caught him staring.

“Uh, good. Fine.”

“Good?”

“Beautiful, actually.”

“That’s more like it.”

When they arrived at the lobby, Amy had the doorman call her a cab.

“Have fun at your meeting, honey. I know I’m going to have a great time shopping.”

Dylan feigned dismay. Amy gave him a quick kiss and ran out to the taxi. As it disappeared, Dylan looked at the keys in his hand.

A black Lincoln with a duffel bag. Was it time to finally walk away? In for a penny, in for a pound, he decided. Besides, he was curious.

Dylan sat in the front seat of the car and pawed through the contents of the bag. The top page detailed the Sunday routine of a “subject”. A half dozen photographs pictured a man in a variety of poses. Dylan thought that he recognized the man.

There was also some money in the bag. A great deal of it, actually. At least couple hundred thousand dollars. Then, finally, the gun. The pieces quickly clicked into place.

Dylan was in over his head. It was definitely time to walk away. Time to walk away from the gun, away from the money, away from Amy. He would check into a different hotel, attend his boring conference, and fly back to Omaha at the end of the week. This was a type of excitement he didn’t need.

Dylan left the duffel bag on the seat, opened the door, and quickly walked away from the honey trap that had been set for him. He breathed a sigh of relief as he strolled down the street.
  
  
  
 
Dylan checked his watch again. Then he saw her out of the corner of his eye, clutching plane tickets in her hand. As a plane roared overhead, he felt himself captivated by her beauty once again.

Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, besides many other things, is proving the need for education reform. At a Iowan for Tax Relief event this past Sunday showed a complete lack of basic knowledge of history by saying that slavery ended with the founding of the country. “The very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States….Men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country” Bachman said to the crowd at the Iowa event. For one John Quincy Adams was not one of the founding fathers, and two, slavery ended with the 13th amendment in 1865 and John Quincy Adams died in 1848, so he was not even alive when it was abolished.

Then again it is not really a surprise that Bachmann or any of her Tea Party friends would think such a thing, because as much as they wrap themselves up in the Constitution and worship the founding fathers, they really don’t respect or believe fully in either. So why would they be bothered by knowing basic facts? After all, they have an issue with changing or abolishing almost every amendment to the Constitution to fit their needs. Must have made for some good discussions at the first Constitution Class that Bachmann led on Monday as well.

Bachmann is so far to the right now that she only looks to the right when talking. In one of her other newsmaking events of the past week she gave the official Tea Party response to the State of the Union address she looked off to the right of the camera the entire time. All kidding aside that is merely the most comical thing about her insane rant that night. One of the most hilarious pieces of crap hurled forth from her mouth was about the government telling you what light bulb you can buy. Actually this is the most true statement to come out of her mouth that night, but only because it is in reference to a 2007 legislation signed by President Bush and done further under President Obama in 2009 dealing with bringing efficiency to the manufacturing of lightbulbs. No where in either document does it actually talk about the Government telling you which lightbulbs you can and cannot buy. Then again there is no language of death panels in the healthcare legislation so why bother with actual facts when we can spread falsities until your idiotic masses believe them to be truths. In the words of New York Congressman Anthony Weiner, Michele Bachmann has clearly lost contact with the mothership.

The other response to the State of the Union was delivered by Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan.  Unlike most republicans in either chamber of Congress he actually does offer his own plans for things, only he was not allowed to speak of them during his response, probably because they would scare the living shit out of the electorate. Part of Ryan’s Roadmap to Americas Future calls for eliminating Social Security and Medicare for everyone currently under the age of 55.

As for the response itself it seemed to be just more of the same. As the President talked about the problems we face and possible ways to take care of them, the Republicans continued to basically say the only problem with the country is Obama himself and that they have no real solutions to anything. The whole time I was watching Ryan I thought to myself, “When did Joel Osteen lose the mullet”, as the whole thing sort of had this weird televangelist vibe going on where I didn’t know if I was watching a response to the President’s speech or being asked to call in and donate money.

[Editor’s note: Brian from BeBetterNow.org (a self improvement web site) follows up his Drew Brees article last week with an article that discusses the relative merits of Tom Brady and Peyton Manning.]

In his recent love-fest article praising Drew Brees, Kosmo made this comment – “Manning will go down as the greatest quarterback of this generation (sorry, Brady, but you’re going to come up short in counting stats, such as passing yards and TDs).”

While Brady will come up short to Manning in passing yards and TDs, Manning currently comes up short in playoff record and championship rings. In addition you could look at Winning Percentage by Quarterbacks (there’s a handy sortable column there.) Tom Brady has the highest percentage in NFL history in winning 77.6% of his games. He is 3 percent better than the next best which is Staubach, who is 3% than a guy named Montana. Brady is 10% better than Manning. The difference there between the two is vast.

Manning also had a number of seasons passing to pro-bowl, possibly Hall of Fame quality receivers in Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne. Most of Brady’s work has been with no big names. He had two seasons with Moss and three with Wes Welker who, as an undrafted free agent, wasn’t exactly known as a great talent before playing with Brady. Finally Brady doesn’t get the advantage of playing half his games in a dome like Manning does… Brady plays in New England where the elements make passing more difficult. You don’t have to look too much futher than the Greatest Show on Turf or the Saints success of late to see that playing a dome is a different game.

When we look at quarterback efficiency (QB Rating), Brady and Manning are neck and neck with Brady having a slight edge. In addition, Brady has 2 of the top 5 best seasons. You may argue that QB rating is the best statistic. I would agree with that. For example, the statistic of touchdowns for quarterbacks is suspect. How many times have you seen a quarterback throw a 50 yard bomb to see the player get tackled on the 1. The next few plays are typically running plays to get the score. Should that quarterback be rated lower than the one whose receiver didn’t get tackle at the 1? It doesn’t make sense. However, the compenents of completion percentage, yards per attempt and interceptions make sense. Some may argue that interceptions can be deceptive as there are bad bounces, but those should even out for all quarterbacks. It shouldn’t be surprising that while Manning has great TD numbers, Brady has the far better interception numbers.

It seems you can get into the Hall two ways. You can be a Dan Marino win great stats (61,000 yards and 420 TDs), but be considered a post-season failure. You can be a Troy Aikman with a very mediocre stats (32,945 yards, 165 TDs, and a 81.6 QB rating) with three Super Bowl rings. I would suggest that Tom Brady is a more complete player at this point with the ability to put up the stats of Manning in any given season combined with 3 Super Bowl rings.