The SoapBoxers

Over the course of the past year, the staff of The Soap Boxers has produced a large quantity of articles on a very wide variety of subjects.  We’d also like to think that we’ve produce a high quality of work, but that’s more subjective 🙂

Today, there is no new article.  Please take this time to explore the archives (there’s a link for that up in the blue bar).  Just spend a bit of time looking at older articles and clicking on links – and keep an eye out for links – they are EVERYWHERE on the site – you might be missing some.  You never know – you might stumble across something really cool!

I’ve recently been doing some exploring of my own and found articles that I had completely forgotten.

CLICK CLICK CLICK 🙂

Tony Rollins cracked a smile as he bit into the cheap fast food taco. The flimsy shell broke into pieces and hot sauce spilled out onto Tony’s hands. Tony brushed off this small misadventure. Nothing could spoil his mood today. Tony was just one small jump away from retirement.

Tony, at 40, was a bit young for retirement. In fact, it would come as a big surprise to many, since he had never been one to save a lot of money. He typically lived paycheck to paycheck, and when he did save up a few dollars, he quickly frittered it away on high end electronics or expensive vacations.

Then, six months ago, Tony bumped into Damon Cole and his fortunes took a turn for the better. Damon’s claim was worth, at most, seventy thousand dollars. The property, however, was massively over-insured, with millions of dollars in coverage. During a long lunch at a local strip club, a plan was hatched to bleed the insurance company of eight million dollars.

With Tony’s boss on temporary disability due to a freak skydiving accident, he had a short window in which to execute the plan. Late at night, when the office was quiet and no one was stirring (not even a mouse) Tony generated the paperwork for the claim, fabricating estimates from contractors as necessary. He approved the claim and forged his boss’ approval as well. Tony carefully backdated the documents to indicate that his boss had approved the claim two days before he shattered his leg in the accident.

The claims had sailed through the processing center and Damon had received a check for $7,946,312.42. Damon had wired half the money to an account that Tony had recently opened at a financial institution in Geneva. This morning, Tony had confirmed the receipt of his share of the money – $3,973,156.21 – with his Swiss banker, Gerhard Hunziker.

When Tony disappeared, people would notice. Before long, his boss would return to the office and discover the fraudulent claim. By then, Tony would be long gone. He had no doubt that law enforcement would be after him hot and heavy.

They would certainly jump to the correct assumption that he had left the country and headed south. Tony was sure that they would first look in Panama, where his co-workers had heard him talk of friends. When he wasn’t found in Panama, the authorities would fan out into the rest of central and south America. Everyone in the office had seen him intensely studying Spanish. At the time, his explanation had been that knowledge of Spanish would allow him to work more effectively on claims involving people who spoke limited English. This made perfect sense, and Tony’s reputation as a genuine nice guy lent it even more credibility.

Soon after his disappearance, his co-workers and authorities would realize that this was just an excuse – and that the real reason for learning Spanish was so that he would be able to blend in more easily in his new country.

Tony smiled with the knowledge that they would be barking up the wrong tree. He would be settling in Brazil – where the natives spoke Portuguese and not Spanish.

Division. What comes to mind when you think of that? Brown vs. Board of Education? Well that is more segregation than division but I believe the two are closely related. In today’s world I think of politics when I hear the word division. Why? Because we are so divided today that I have trouble believing it. On a positive note it isn’t just Democrats vs. Republicans. However, closely aligned to that is still primarily Liberals/Progressives vs. Conservatives.

There is no denying that our Country became more divided as President Clinton’s problems grew. For those old enough to have been interested in politics there was the investigation into his land deals (Whitewater) and of course the Monica Lewinsky scandal. My favorite quote occurred during his grand jury testimony over the Lewinsky scandal (aka Zippergate). Clinton answers a question, “It depends on what the meaning of the words ‘is’ is.”

Then George W Bush came into office. Two jets crashed into the towers changed our country forever on 9/11/2001. We seemed to unify on 9/12/2001 but we quickly divided again. On 9/12 it seemed that traditional U.S. values and security of our country came to the forefront for most people. However, that didn’t last and the mudslinging we saw during the Clinton era surfaced again. That lasted through the entire eight years of his presidency.

A small fraction of the population really went over the edge and began to speculate that 9/12 was an inside job; meaning that the September 11th terrorist attack was planned and executed by the government. They call themselves “9/11 truthers” and I can’t think of many subjects that will incite fury in more common people than that. I’m just a layperson when it comes to using drugs, but in my opinion these individuals are certified crack users. (More division!)

In 2010, we see an even greater division than we have seen in the last 15 years. The hope and change being proposed today in Washington is certainly controversial. Most of it is supported by Liberals and opposed by Conservatives. Moderates (true moderates, not liberals masquerading as moderates like my wife’s step-dad) seem to swing either way depending on the topic. However, as the Obama Administration moves forward with more change, we’re seeing and hearing from moderates that they are leaning more conservative. Think of the issues: healthcare, tax increases, bailouts, closing of Guantanamo Bay, etc. Definite division.

For eight years we listened to liberals criticize George W Bush. Today if I criticize Barack Obama, it doesn’t matter if it’s related to his stance on a political matter. It doesn’t matter if I oppose the healthcare changes, rising taxes, TARP and the handling of the TARP repayments. Suddenly if I disagree with Obama, I’m a racist, I’m a bigot and I’m the bad guy. Liberals imposing this sort of double standard creates more division.

I heard yesterday on the radio a story about Rahm Emanuel and his statement regarding a liberal group’s ad campaign regarding Obama’s healthcare overhaul. Emanuel’s comment was simply, “Fu**ing Retarded”. When I think of division, this is a big one. He alienated the democratic group that was sponsoring the ad, he alienated individuals with developmental disabilities and their families/friends, and he alienated people that just don’t take kindly to the degradation of a class of citizens like that.

How about March 2009 when President Obama appeared on the Jay Leno show. BO told Jay that he had bowled a 129. After Jay complimenting him on his bowling score, the president laughingly says, “It’s like the Special Olympics or something.” More alienation, more degradation and yet more division.

I’m probably dreaming, but I envision a day when we can be a more united country. A country that lives like it is 9/12 again. I would be a fool to think that we would ever agree on everything. I would still like to see at least one (significant) area where we could agree—as a country.

Right now, we’re seeing more division than I can ever remember. I was a young boy when Jimmy Carter served in office. However, I still remember the talk about him around our house and those of our friends/family. That was a divisive time period, but I still can’t believe it was near what we see today. I hope and pray that in the next few years we unite as a country and move forward with truly positive change to get us back on the right track.

Squeaky…

Note: these tidbits are simply worded in a question/answer format – they are not actually submitted to Kosmo as questions.

Q: Kosmo, I have some money invested and would like to know how soon it will double.  Is there an easy way to do calculate this?

A: Indeed there is.  It is called “The Rule of 72”.  Take 72 and divide it by your interest rate.  The result is the number of years it will take to double your money.  For example, if you are getting a 6% return, it will take 12 year to double your money.  You can also flip this question around and ask how high of a rate you must achieve to double your money in a specified period.  For example, if you want to double your money in 3 years, you would need a 24% APR (72/3 = 24).  Good luck with that.
 
Q: Kosmo, I’m all thumbs when it comes to tools.  I can never figure out which way to turn a tool to loosen something.  Is there some sort of general rule?

A:  Righty tight, lefty loosey.

Q: Kosmo, why did they call those old fashioned storage devices “floppy disks”?   They definitely weren’t floppy, and nw that I think about it, they weren’t disc-shaped, either!

A:  Au contraire!  Floppy disks were indeed floppy.  You are confusing the disk asssembly with the actual disk.  The assembly contains a hard plastic case and a metal shutter that the computer would push aside to read data from the actual disk.  If you want to see what the actual disk looks like, pry one (preferably one without data on it) open with a screwdriver.
 
Q:  Kosmo, I’m a big sports fan.  I wish there was a way for me to determine which team was the home team when the scores flash by.

A:  Actually, there is!  The visiting team is always on the top and the home team is always on the bottom.
 
Q: Kosmo, there’s a little pinhole near my computer’s DVD drive.  What’s up with that – does it need air to breathe or something?

A:  You have discovered the manual eject mechanism.  This has been around for as long as Kosmo can remember.  To trip the mechanism, simply take a bent ovally metal disc ejector – otherwise known as a common paper clip – and push it into the hole.  Whatever disc is in the drive should be ejected.  This works great for times when the operating system won’t recognize a disc and won’t allow you to eject it.
 
Q:  Kosmo, my friend tells me that I’m just as likely to get an Ace/Ace combo dealt to me as I am to get an Ace/King.  In essence, he’s telling me that all combinations are equally likely.  My experience seems to indicate that this is wrong.  Who is right?

A:  Congratulations – you are right.  This is a longer answer, so it will have to be the last question of the day.  Let’s take a look at the possible combinations for Ace/Ace:

• Spade/Heart
• Spade/Diamond
• Spade/Club
• Heart/Diamond
• Heart/Club
• Diamond/Club

All told, 6 combinations out of the  1326 possible combinations.

Let’s take a look at the possible combinations for Ace/King:

• Ace Spades / King Spades
• Ace Spades/  King Clubs
• Ace Spades / King Hearts
• Ace Spades / King Diamonds
• Ace Clubs / King Spades
• Ace Clubs/ King Clubs
• Ace Clubs / King Hearts
• Ace Clubs / King Diamonds
• Ace Hearts / King Spades
• Ace Hearts/ King Clubs
• Ace Hearts / King Hearts
• Ace Hearts / King Diamonds
• Ace Diamonds / King Spades
• Ace Diamonds/ King Clubs
• Ace Diamonds / King Hearts
• Ace Diamonds / King Diamonds

As you can see, there are 16 possible combinations.  Drawing a pair is always less likely than drawing two unmatched cards – the fact that you already have the ace in your hand means that there are  a maximum of 3 aces left in the deck – whereas there are a maximum of 4 of every other card.

Now, if your friend twists this a bit and says that you’re just as likely to draw Ace Spades / Ace Clubs as you are Ace Spades / King Clubs, he would be correct.

With Johnny Goodman still on leave for medical reasons, Kosmo is jumping in with another sports column.  We miss your articles, Johnny – get well sooon.

A Strong Brees

We’re on the cusp of another Super Bowl.  On one side of the field, we’ll have the Indianapolis Colts, led by Peyton Manning.  Manning is the son of Pro Bowl quarterback, the brother of another Pro Bowl quarterback, and he himself is a Pro Bowl quarterback, Super Bowl Champion, NFL MVP, and #1 overall pick in the NFL draft.  From day one, he has been the unquestioned leader of the Colts.

On the other hand, we have Drew Brees of the Saints.  The Saints themselves are a feel-good story – some good fortune for a city that was devastated by hurricane Katrina in 2005.  When Brees was drafted, the San Diego Chargers actually had the #1 pick that would have allowed them to pick up Michael Vick.  They traded that pick to Atlanta for the #5 overall pick (which they used to draft LaDainian Tomlinson) and a third round pick.  Having not gotten Vick at #1, they nabbed Brees in the second round.

Unlike Manning, Brees wasn’t given the keys to the kingdom.  His first few years in the league were up and down (eh, OK, so mostly he sucked), and the Chargers felt the need to draft his replacement in 2004.  They wanted Eli Manning, but he didn’t want to sign with them.  So they drafted Manning and traded him to the New York Giants for Philip Rivers (who had been picked #4 overall) on draft day.  Rivers would have been been giving a strong chance to unsteat Brees for the starter’s job – except that he held out nearly all of training camp.

Brees promptly turned his career around and had his finest season in 2004, throwing 27 touchdowns with just 7 interceptions.  After going to the Saints as a free agent after the 2005 season, Brees had TD totals of 26, 28, 34, and 34.  He has topped 4300 yards all four seasons and cracked the 5000 barrier in 2008.

For his career, Brees now has 202 TDs against 110 interceptions, 30000 career passing yards, and a QB rating of 91.9.  Yes, the QB who was nearly thrown to the curb by the Chargers is now on pace for the Hall of Fame.

No League for Old Men

In a move that wasn’t particularly surprising Cardinals QB Kurt Warner announced his retirement.  Ther ultimate feel good story, Warner arose (like a Phoenix) many times during his career.  First, he clawed his way up from stocking shelves at a Hy Vee grocery store (@ $5.50 per hour) to an NFL job.  Then, after injuries caused him to lose his starting job, he regained a starting job with the Cardinals and led the formerly hapless franchise to its first Super Bowl – and nearly won it. 

All told, Warner went to three Super Bowls – winning one and narrowly losing the other two.  He has the record for most career passing yards Super Bowls (1156) due to the fact that he has the highest, second highest, and third highest passing totals in Super Bowl history.  Consider for a moment how statistically unlikely that is to occur …

Off the field, Warner does everything the right way – from the big things like adopting his children to smaller things like picking up the check for random people every time his family goes out to eat.  You’ll be missed, K-Dub (unless you pull a Favre).  (Read my recent article about Kurt Warner, “High Flying Cardinals”)

When my Minnesota Vikings played Brett Favre’s bizarre waiting game last summer and signed him to be their quarterback, I was fed up.  Not only have I never been a fan of Favre’s, but it seemed to me that Favre delayed his decision simply to avoid summer camp.  There’s a four letter word for that – L-A-Z-Y.

I made the somewhat irrational decision to boycott the Vikings until Favre was n longer with the team.  Lots of people questioned this, especially when the Vikings were perched on the brink of the Super Bowl.  I felt validated when Favre threw away another Super Bowl opportunity with yet another poor decision (flashback to the 2008 NFC Championship game, Brett?).  Hopefully Favre will retire again and stay retired.

Double Standard

Cuban defector Aroldis Chapman recently signed a contract with the Cincinnati Reds (is anyone else struck by the irony of a player fleeing a communist nation and signing with the REDS?  No?  Just me?  OK, thought I’d ask).  The pitcher’s deal will pay him $30.25 million over 6 years.  Although those in the baseball fandom were very much aware of the deal, it didn’t seem to raise the ire of fans like Stephen Strasburg’s 4 year, $15.5 million deal (see articles “Defense of Scott Boras” and “The Righty and the Lefty”).  (Yes, in theory, Strasburg could earn more money over the six year span if he performs well and gets decent arbitration awards for years 5 and 6 – but if they both flop, Chapman could come out $15 million ahead).

Let’s compare the two players.  Strasburg is five months younger than Chapman.  Strasburg is also the more highly ranked prospect.  So, why, then, is it a sign of the apocolyse for him to get $15.5 million while Chapman’s contract didn’t stir such strong emotions.

Chapman wasn’t subject to the draft, and thus had complete control over his future – unlike players in the US and Canada, who are only allowed to negotiate with the team that drafted them.  My good friend Fulton Christoper opined that this is a good reason to implement a worldwide draft.

Hamlin Heating Up the Ice

US luger Erin Hamlin (@ErinHamlin on Twitter), Kosmo’s favorite winter Olympian, racked up the following finishes in the World Cup season (singles events)

• November 20/21 – Calgary, Canada – 7th
• November 28/29 – Innsbruck, Austria – 9th
• December 5/6 – Altenberg, Germany – 5th
• December 12/13 – Lillehammer, Norway – 3rd
•  January 2/3 – Königssee, Germany – 5th
• January 9/10 – Winterberg, Germany – 3rd
• January 16/17- Oberhof, Germany – 8th
• January 30/31 – Cesana, Italy – 3rd

That’s good for an overall finish of 4th place in the standings, and Hamlin finished very strong, with  three podium (top 3) finishes in the last 5 events.  You heard it here first – Hamlin is picking up steam and is going to nab the luge gold in Vancouver.  Watch your rear view mirror, Tatjana.

And in an administrative note, we have a new link partner – Aibal.com.  Aibal is another non-niche blog.  Drop by and visit.

Developing “real” characters can be one of the hardest tasks in writing. Even with no dialogue, character development must be tackled. Characters can be anyone or anything. Your character could be a house, a dog, a person. The character’s hopes, dreams, fears and oddities that make them complete. Many authors fall into the trap of making characters who are only one dimensional; all evil, all good, all fearful. Others have only a single character to work from, based mostly on an idealized view of themselves.

A good exercise in character development is to try a short story with only one character. Establish and environment and experiment with the character’s relationship to that environment. If you can separate yourself from your own experiences and consider actions and reactions based only on your imagination, you can expand that character. Keep writing until the fullness and depth are strong enough to stand on their own. There will be a lot of fluff that you will have to clean up, but in the end you will have learned about both your character and your writing.

This would be a development exercise. Almost all authors copy life in their initial efforts. We can do no better than document what we have witnessed. This is not a bad thing. Life is full of examples of complete characters. How many people have you ever met who do not have a story to tell? Your task as an author is to capture that story and make it enjoyable for others to read. From that, you can develop new and interesting characters. Some will be super natural, not is the super hero way, although that can work, but is a way that is not someone or something you have ever encountered. Some real life characters are super nature as they are remembered such as Attila the Hun and Hitler. Some of that is mythology, but some is real and what made them interesting in history.

Making non-human characters is even more fun. Animals are almost too easy since you can give them human characteristics. Many people truly believe that their car or television have personalities that can be converted into literary gold. Most will end up being human like, such as Kit on Knight Rider or the cast of The Brave Little Toaster. Disney Studios are brilliant with humanizing animals throughout the years.

I personally, have not attempted anything beyond human characters. In my first novel effort, I did provide some limited personality for various animals on a farm (two horses, a cow and a dog). These were not strong developments, they were interactions with the character I was developing. What I am suggesting is first – copy life, especially real life that you have personally experienced, then experiment with environmental cause and effect. All of this is to avoid filling your work with copies of you, or worse, someone you think you are.

–KEEP WRITING–

In 2001, I set off on a long, solo vacation.  This was the longest vacation of my life at that point, in terms of both distance and elapsed time.

I was really excited about the trip and got very little sleep the night before I was scheduled to leave.  Eventually, I just packed the car, ate a quick breakfast at Denny’s, and hit the road.  I wasn’t much of a morning person by then, but I was on the road by about 5 AM.  470 miles later, I pulled up to my hotel in Canton, Ohio.  I had made really good time on the trip.  In spite of it being an hour later in Ohio (different time zone), I managed to arrive at the hotel before my room was ready.  I was pretty tired from the road and didn’t do too much that night.

The next day, I went to the football Hall of Fame in Canton.  Honestly, I was not overly impressed.  If you’re a hard core NFL fan, it might be worth the effort to go.  If you’re a casual fan, I’m not sure.  I did pick up some nice Vikings socks in the gift shop.

That I drove to Akron to catch an Aeros (class AA) baseball game.  I had purchased tickets months in advance, which was good. It was bobblehead night (Sean Casey), and the place was absolutely packed. I had a seat right behind home plate (4-5 rows back, I think). The ticket cost maybe $15?  Nice stadium.

Early the next morning, I hit the road again.  That afternoon, I arrived in the hamlet of Cooperstown, New York – home of the Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum.  Earlier in the year, I had become a supporter of the Hall of Fame.  Once nice benefit was that the membership card gave me unlimited free entry to the Hall of Fame.  I made a cursory review that Sunday afternoon.  I spent two more days digesting the museum in greater detail.  I saw the contract that sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees, a priceless T-206 Honus Wagner card, Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski’s masters thesis (not a great writer, in my opinion –  at least not at that stage of his life), and countless artifacts of the game.  Unlike many halls of fame, the baseball hall of fame encompasses all aspects of the sport – not just Major League Baseball.

One of the things I really liked was the exhibit of awards.  There were quite a few MVP and Cy Young awards on display.  I could feel a connection to the award winning athlete, imagining how they felt when they won the award.  Two of  Tom Seaver’s Cy Youngs were on display.  Something that struck me as odd was that one was perfectly shiny while the silver on the other had become tarnished over time.  Was this the result of a different quality of metal being used in those two years?

On Wednesday, I checked out of the Hickory Grove Motor Inn (leaving behind an audio book for the friendly women behind the front desk).  Be forewarned – it is advisable to make hotel reservations far in advance of your trip.  Cooperstown is quite small (around 2000 people) and there aren’t too many large cities in the area.  Why this location?  Because of the since-descredited story that civil war general Abner Doubleday invented the game in a nearby cow pasture.

On the way back west, I saw a sign for Niagara Falls.  It was only about 15 miles out of the way, so I decided to go there.  I wasn’t really expecting very much.  After all, it’s just a bunch of water going over a hill, right?  Wow, I was very impressed.  If you go to Niagara Falls, make sure to go to the Canadian side.  You get a much better view from the Canadian side – you’re looking at the Falls from in front of them instead of a more awkward angle on the US side.  I could have spent more time there (and a few years later, did spend more time there with my wife), but I had a long drive to complete.

At the end of the day, I found myself back in Ohio – this time in Sandusky.  Sandusky is home to Cedar Point amusement park.  This was my first exposure to Cedar Point, and I was completely blown away (full review here).  Regardless of what type of roller coaster you like, they probably have it.  I was there on a Thursday and Friday, when crowds were pretty reasonable.

All good things eventually come to an end, and I hit the road on Friday afternoon and arrived back home in Illinois very late that night – just in time to attend my niece’s college graduation the next day.

I got to see a decent chunk of the country, and had a great time at every spot along the way.   I also gained a lot of appreciation for audio books during the trip.  Nelson DeMille’s The Lion’s Game (review here) was with me on this trip.  The unabridged edition is a hefty 25 hours!  The book has a great plot (I’ve listened to it about a half dozen time since) and made the time pass very quickly.

What about you?  Which solo trip did you enjoy the most?

Over the years, I have come to the realization that a lot of people are not familiar with the process of balancing a checkbook.  This is a life skill that can save you a lot of headaches, so today we’ll step through the process.

When your bank statement arrives, you see that the bank balance of your account is $318.42, compared to the balance of $308.52 in your check register.

The following facts apply:

– For simplicity, we’ll assume that this is a brand new account

– The bank charged you $4.52 in service fees

– Per your check register, there are 3 checks during the month

• Check 1001 for $142.13 (groceries)
• Check 1002 for $16.12 (greeting cards)
• Check 1003 for $714.88 (whoa – went overboard at the outlet mall)

– You also withdrew $100 in cash from the ATM

– You had two deposits during the month

• $1413.12 from your day job
• $800.34 from your night job

The first thing you do is deduct the bank service fee.  You enter this in your check register, resulting in a balance of $303.88

Next, we check the bank statement to see which checks, deposits, and ATM transactions have cleared the bank.  These are checks 1001, 1002, and the deposit for $1413.12.  Mark these off in your check register – there is typically a column specifically for this purpose.

Next, add the outstanding deposit to your bank balance ($318.42 + $800.34 = $1118.76).  Hey, cool, you’re rich.

Whoa – not so fast.  Next, deduct the outstanding check (check 1003) and the outstanding ATM deposit.  $1118.72 – $714.88 – $100 = $303.88.  Great – that matches the balance in your check register – you’re done until next month.

What do you do if the numbers don’t match?

• Check your math.  In particular, it is quite easy to make a mistake in the check register
• Verify that the checks cleared for the amount you have recorded in your check register.  You may have written them down wrong, or your sloppy writing may have caused the bank to improperly process a check (not that this has ever happened to me)
• Make sure you you have excluded all cleared checks and deposits from the process, while also making sure that you have included all outstanding transactions.
• Did you forget to record a debit card transaction, automatic payment, or ATM transaction?  If so, record these in your check register and compare the new balance to the number your got during the reconciliation process (the process and adding and deducting outstanding transactions to the bank balance – $303.88 in our example).
• Make sure you recorded the bank service fee in your check register
• If you can’t figure it out, take a break and try later.  If you still can’t figure it out, ask a friend for help.

Next month, things change a bit.  When you start the reconciliation process, you will include the transactions that had not cleared this month (check 1003, the $100 ATM transaction, and the deposit of $800.34), as well as any new transactions.  Check off any cleared transactions in the check register, deduct the amount of the bank service fee from the check register, add outstanding deposits to the bank balance, substract outstanding checks from the bank balance and compare again.

Any questions?  I’ll be happy to go into more detail.

It was a dark and stormy night. This weather always made Casey think of Snoopy. How she envied that dog, with his vibrant imagination, always dreaming of aerial dogfights with The Red Baron or telling war stories with Bill Mauldin. When the bucket dropped down into the well of Snoopy’s creativity, it never came up dry.

The same could not be said for Casey. She looked down at the last two words she had typed – qwerty uiop. Hardly great fiction. She exhaled deeply, blowing tendrils of auburn hair away from her face. She abandoned the current story by closing the window. She opened a new window and began anew.

Twenty minutes later, she had managed just five sentences in the new story. The damned weather was distracting her. The flashes of lightning were constantly illuminating the sky, and the booms of thunder jolted her out of her seat every couple of minutes. It was completely impossible to concentrate. Casey needed a break. She decided to watch a bit of the idiot box before turning her attention back to her writing.

First, though, she needed something to quench her thirst. Casey crossed the room to the walk-in closet, pushed aside some dresses that she hadn’t worn in a decade, and removed a large, heavy box from the bottom shelf. Hidden behind the box – away from the prying eyes of friends who would be stunned by its presence – was a bottle of single malt scotch.

Casey grabbed one of the Styrofoam cups that sat next to the bottle. She poured a generous amount of scotch into the glass and chugged it quickly. She could immediately feel herself begin to relax. She replaced the box on the shelf.

Casey arranged a couple of pillows against the headboard of the bed and jumped up onto the pillow top mattress. She grabbed the remote and flipped the TV on. She was pleased to see that NCIS was on – and it was one that she hadn’t seen before.

Ducky was in the midst of explaining that the person had not died of natural causes, but was in fact the victim of a murder. This was not particularly surprising, since the show only focused on murders. Casey was interested in the real mystery – when were Dinozzo and Ziva going to get together? The suspense was killing her!

Finally, the NCIS team cracked the case and Gibbs got a confession from the bad guy. Casey noted that all good leisure must come to an end and got back to her writing.

Casey really needed to get her story done tonight. Her editor was a slave driver, and his deadlines were firm. If it wasn’t in his email inbox by midnight, it wouldn’t get into the next edition, and she wouldn’t get paid. Casey’s fridge was empty, her rent was due, and her bottle of scotch was dangerously low. She really needed a paycheck.

Since she hadn’t been productive in front of the computer, she decided to eschew her Macbook Air in favorite of pen and paper. She had a lot of flexibility – she could write anything, as long as it was fiction – but that was part of the problem. What sort of story should she write?

Casey grabbed her trusty Montblanc pen and a composition book. She decided to try her hand at a crime story. A half hour later, the story was dead. She had written just 250 words, and was completely uninterested in the plot.

Casey sighed, tore the page from the composition book, and wadded it up. She launched the paper ball across the room toward the waste basket. The long three point shot rimmed out – par for the course today.

She decided to switch directions one hundred eighty degrees and began work on a love story. Forty five minutes later, she realized that the main characters were only interested in each other as friends. Ugh.

Then the inspiration hit her. Of course – she would write a fictional account of a writer suffering from writer’s block.

Welcome to the second edition of my rant that appears here once a month on The Soap Boxers. My first post was on Christmas Eve and now this my second is on my 32nd birthday. So Happy Birthday to me and let us move on to the main topic of this months rant, The State of the Union.

Now I am not one for taking too much out of speeches like this and would rather just see the results of what is said happen, but last night’s address was a quite telling and interesting one. For one if one were just to glance upon it and not have any knowledge that the President was a Democrat, the tone of most of the speech was more conservative in nature. Remorse for deficit spending, praising cutting taxes, planned cuts in further taxes, and freezes in spending. Wow this is that socialism all the teabaggers have been all up in arms about? Anyways, let’s break down a few components addressed on the night.

Bank Bailouts:

I think this was a big populist piece of the speech that needed to be said and in the end really made the Republican party look by their reaction on the surface what they really are loud mouthed, hypocritical corporate tools. Bailouts were bad, needed to be done, most of the money has been returned and the rest is in the works to be returned through charging the banks a fee is the topic from the speech in a nutshell. It was the last part I am referring to that appeared on the surface to paint the Party of No for what they really are and not the populist voice they are trying to use.

The right side of the aisle sat in silenced with grumbling faces and muttering to each other as the President stated that the rest of the money would be returned through charging the banks a fee. It was one of many points on the evening where the President put the opposite party on notice on the night.

SCOTUS Decision:

The one almost “You Lie” moment of tonight’s speech came as the President addressed last week’s decision in the Supreme Court that allows Corporations no restrictions upon advertising for or against or donation to candidates for office.

When the President stated that this decision was wrong and opened the gates to corporate interests both domestic and foreign to control our electoral process, Justice Alito was seen shaking his head and mouthing that is not true. With all do respect to Justice Alito it is entirely true. The decision allows corporations to no loner have restrictions on the amount of money they can spend for a candidate for office and they are also allowed to run their own ads for or against a candidate any time they wish. Thus turning our elected officials into nothing more than corporate prostitutes.

Now I am not naive, corporate interests have dominated Washington and local elected offices as well for many many years and that was not going to end regardless. However this decision basically means corporations can basically buy their own candidates to run for office that will run solely on putting their interests first and the actual interests of their constituents last. Welcome to the Corporate States of America in 2010. Now the President did state that he wanted to see Congress address this, but honestly without a change in the makeup of the court I don’t see anything being able to stick with the wording of the majority opinion in this case.

“Politics as Usual”:

One moment I really enjoyed was when the President talked about even in light of recent election of the 41st no vote on everything the Democrats still had one of their highest majorities in congress in decades and basically told them to grow a pair and get things done for the American people. Then on the other hand told the Republicans if they want to sit there and block and delay ever single thing that comes before Congress then they need to own up to it themselves and they are the sole reason that nothing is getting done.

Bipartisanship is a two way street, not where one party completely stands their ground while the other makes every concession they can just to continue to have the other side say, well that is not good enough still. Should be interesting to see how this unfolds by the midterm elections. Will the Democrats actually gain the muster to just bear down and things done on their own? Hopefully so. Will the Republicans decide that their actions of doing nothing be seen in that light finally and decide to actually do the job of elected office and actually doing something? Probably not, but I can always hope.

Job Creation:

I would have liked to seen a more laid out point of job creation. It was a nice start in what was laid out, but the approximate 30 million jobs to be created is just a minor repair to the damage that has been done, but then again it is only the forecast for the upcoming year.  [Editor’s note: I’m verifying the 30 million figure with Angry Squirrel]

Student Loans:

Being a person paying off student loans it was a nice thing to hear about increasing Pell Grants, creating further tax credits and also the provision to forgive student loan debt after a certain period of time.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell:

I wish it would have been done as promised in the first year in office, but better late than never guess. I’ll believe it when I actually see it, but the repeal of this insane and useless policy will be a great day when it comes. A recent report from NPR stating that 1/3 of women in the U.S. Military are raped while in the military is just one of the many more things threatening to the morale and discipline of the armed forces then the sexual preference of your fellow officer.

Well those are just a few of the points I will touch on from the speech, all in all it was a nice speech with some actual meat to it in proposals. Might not be entirely memorable down the line but for his first State of the Union address it was done well.

Now for a monthly tradition to start for my posts, The “Bad Nuts of the Month”. Our trained squirrels are busy each month figuring out the good ones from the bad, and the worst three nuts will be placed on display here before they go where where all the bad nuts go, down the garbage chute.

Bad Nut #1: Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh on the Haiti Earthquake

The evangelical christians’ equivalent to the Pope and El Rushbo the Cracker Drug Addict were really off base on the disaster in Haiti. Robertson stated that the Haitians got what they deserved and this was some sort of wrath for a deal they supposedly made with the devil to gain their independence from France long ago. Rush on the other hand stated that people should not give a dime or a minute of their time to help the Haitian people as it would only be playing into Obama’s hands in garnering respect form the light and dark skinned blacks in this country.

Then again nothing out of either of these two guys mouths really shocks me, but they are a couple of the worst nuts of the month. Rush would also make the list for his comments about Obama attacking Jews because he is going after the banks comments, but there is no need to list the same person more than once on the list.

Bad Nut #2: James O’Keefe and Friends

I guess the joke’s on James O’Keefe, the officials in Mary Landrieu’s offices were not gullible to believe he was actually a phone repairman as the idiots at the ACORN offices were to fall for him actually being a pimp. Now after entering the offices on Federal property under false pretenses to perform a felony O’Keefe and his buddies are now going to be facing some mandatory federal prison time.

Bad Nut #3: South Carolina Lt. Governor Andre Bauer.

One of the frontrunners for the Republican nomination in the next gubernatorial race in the state as well, Bauer stated that aid to the needy should be cut for some very interesting reasons. Me paraphrasing it does not do the idiocy of the man justice so I’ll just put the quotes from him on this issue in full context.

“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better. You see, for the first time in the history of this country, we’ve got more people voting for a living than we do working for a living.”

He then goes on to rant about requiring parents to take drug tests and if they don’t pass then their children don’t deserve anything from the state at all because of that and that parents should be required to attend every PTO meeting or school event or you shouldn’t receive any benefits and that we should take away the huge monetary draw public assistance is (LMAO) by reducing benefits the more children you have.